Anger, real life and video games

Lately, I have been incredibly angry and upset. Real life has been a horrible pile of crap with things going wrong everywhere. My laptop is breaking, my phone is getting old, we’ve had a huge water leak and sewage issues and internet issues and the list just goes on and on. Of course the constant stress of all this is starting to get to me and beat me senseless. Combined with the lack of anything to really look forward to as of late, you lose track of things. I need to relax. Which I will do, during my week holiday at the end of August.

When you're so pissed off that you'll repeatedly stab a guy even when he's already dead.
When you’re so pissed off that you’ll repeatedly stab a guy even when he’s already dead.

But in the mean time, I have been TRYING to play new games to calm myself down. Unlike the other things I do – drawing, writing, running the Daily SPUF and playing with LEGO, gaming is making things worse for me. I’m bored with what I normally play, and I want to get into something else. Thing is, every game I try annoys me in some way.

The reasons are varied, but often because I have no patience.

I tried Riders of Icarus, which promised me “aerial combat on dragons and pegasi!” but I got into the game and found that the rest of the game was standard MMO stuff. I don’t like MMOs, but I tried to stick to Riders of Icarus for a bit, to see how long it would take to get into the whole aerial combat thing. I got to level 7, realised that I’d have to pay in-game money every time I died to heal myself then decided the game wasn’t worth it. I spent 30 seconds in the air, riding a pegasus onto a large flying whale (at the end of the tutorial), which then crashed into the ground. The game also decided to bug out, leaving me on the pegasus runway for five minutes while it tried to work out whether I completed the tutorial or not. That got uninstalled.

I tried Saints Row 2 again. But I just couldn’t be asked with it. Saints Row 2 is a really good game and the best in the series, which I’ve mentioned before, but I had no internet at the time and couldn’t install Gentlemen of the Row. Literally unplayable.

I tried Elder Scrolls Online again, but I got tired of being unable to kill anything. I mentioned in my SPUF of Legend review that the game was cold and empty. I got bored after getting to Riften (the level 40 area) at level 6-7 having spoken to one single nice person who helped me get to the last wayshrine in the area. I felt small and useless and pathetic running around with my starting armour and a crappy stolen bow, running away from anything and everything. Ended up uninstalling the game because it was over 60GB of space taking up my hard drive.

Yesterday I tried Warframe. I actually installed the game on Monday evening, but it took me TWELVE HOURS to log in and play, having to validate my account four times, then wait 3 hours because apparently my password was wrong even though I used that exact same password to log in to the website no problem. My patience already hanging by a thread, I gave up and uninstalled the game after failing the second mission in the game three times. Seriously, either I’m an idiot, or Warframe doesn’t explain anything at all. My lightning powers worked once at the beginning of the game, never to work again. But considering how everyone else is fine playing Warframe, then it has to be the former.

Yes, I said I’d play with Davjo, but he was busy getting a 0.03 cent drop on CS:GO, and I wanted to be able to complete a mission on my own and get into Warframe proper. Turns out I can’t, and I don’t want to end up being reliant on Davjo or anyone else just to play the game.

Die, you little prick!
I don’t want to always play Medic or tag along with someone, I want to kill people myself.

This is a common theme in every game I play though. I reach a point where I just can’t get past it. After so many failed attempts, I give up, sick and tired of always losing, just like in real life. I’m now of the opinion that I’m just not meant to play video games. I’ve all but given up on TF2 because I can’t carry a team on my own or even begin to try. Unless I play Medic, I sit at the bottom of the scoreboard. I’ve given up on League of Legends because I’m too crap for Summoners Rift, and ARAM and Coop VS AI are filled with bot farmers, leveling accounts to sell on the black market. I can’t even play Skyrim any more because my game saves are fucked beyond belief and I’m not in the mood to start a new game. Not that it matters, even my newest character crashes on a regular basis.

This leaves me with three options. I can play Minecraft. That’s the only game I’m ‘good’ at, but only because I play Minecraft as a pacifist and never attack anything apart from cows and sheep. Plus anyone can be good at Minecraft. I can play Garry’s Mod (currently the best dragon simulator on the market with Silverian’s Skyrim SNPCs) but it’s… Garry’s Mod, I can’t lose. The third option is Dragonflight, but I’ve already completed the only level available and I see no reason to do that again 25 times for the achievements.

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