Mask of the Shaman

First up, I just want to make it clear: I really like the Mask of the Shaman.   Now that I established that fact and my TF2 cosmetic hipster cred, let’s move on. The Mask of the Shaman was added in an unnamed July 2011 patch as a promotional item for the game From Dust. Less than a week later, a patch replaced the old model with the one we know and most of us hate today. There is a very good reason this cosmetic is unpopular within the community. It’s a weird plaster slab with plastic strips sticking out… [Continue Reading]

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Spectre’s Spectacles

The Spectre’s Spectacles was added during the Manniversary Update and Sale. To be honest, I doubt people actually noticed this misc since it’s released alongside some really fun cosmetics like the Ball-Kicking Boots and the Flair!, which is one of the most enthusiastic cosmetic names I’ve seen so far because of the exclamation mark at the end. In fact, I doubt people will notice this cosmetic anyway because it’s just so damn small. I bought this myself pretty much just to complete a loadout. It’s not something most people will actively look for to wear. I can completely describe this cosmetic… [Continue Reading]

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The Dry Gulch Gulp

The Dry Gulch Gulp was added into the game during the 2013 Summer Event. It is a paper soft drink cup with a lid and straw the sits in the Engineer’s pouch and does absolutely nothing else. I suppose it isn’t fair to say that since that applies for most cosmetics, but most of them aren’t just random items stuffed into a pouch. The Dry Gulch Gulp to me is a mystery, a digital manifestation of a question I have asked myself when I see some cosmetics: what is it doing here? No offense to the guy who made it,… [Continue Reading]

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Slipping into flip-flops

Since these two cosmetics are rather similar, I’ll be talking about them together. Today’s article will be about the Flip-Flops for the Scout and the Aqua Flops for the Heavy. The Flip-Flops are a pair of bright yellow flip-flops for Scout, and is available for purchase during the Summer Camp Sale in 2011 along with another Scout exclusive the Lucky No. 42 and the all-class Summer Hat. The Aqua Flops made its debut a year later in the Mecha Update along with Carl and Hunger Force as a reference to the Adult Swim character Carl Brutananadilewski. The Aqua Flops are based off the… [Continue Reading]

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Cadaver’s Cranium

The Cadaver’s Cranium shambles into the game during Scream Fortress 2010. It is based on the popular portrayal of the Frankenstein’s monster, and is an extra half a head rather crudely stapled onto the Heavy’s head, with thin black hair covering the extra scalp. Last I check, hair transplant isn’t supposed to include a large chunk of the skull with it. The Cadaver’s Cranium is a hat that holds a special place in my heart, as mine was a gift from a stranger when I was still very, very new. Years ago, a young, fresh-faced and newly premium’ed Warlock decided… [Continue Reading]

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The Soldier’s Sparkplug

The Soldier’s Sparkplug is one of the many roboticised cosmetics added into TF2 during the Robotic Boogaloo update. It is, as its name suggest, a spark plug owned by the Soldier, which for some reason he kept in his mouth like a cigar. And also, said spark plug is smoking according to the TF2 Wiki. Before we talk more about the narcotic car component, can we first talk about the cosmetics introduced in the update in general? To me, while some are pretty good, like Filamental and the Byte’d Beak, some are just… odd. Stuff like this and Electric Escorter on… [Continue Reading]

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The Sneaky Spats of Sneaking for Sneaky Sneaks

The Sneaky Spats of Sneaking slipped into the TF2 universe on the slick shoes of the Spy on seventeenth May 2012. Spats are traditionally used to protect shoes from mud and water, so this supposedly allows a sly Spy to slither among the ranks of enemies through harsh terrain with nary a scratch on the smooth leather. The slippery rogue will have an untarnished pair of shoes fit for the dance floor after a frenzy of stabs and slashes when he swings by the nightclub later that evening, The Slippery Spats of Slipping is a layer of white leather over… [Continue Reading]

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The Planeswalker Helm

The Planeswalker Helm? That ugly-looking Medic helmet? Yes, that helmet that looks like the gutted-out carapace of a deformed shellfish slapped onto the Medic’s head. The Planeswalker Helm is a promotional item for for people who pre-ordered  Magic: The Gathering – Duels of the Planeswalkers 2012. It’s based on Garruk Wildspeaker, a planeswalker, which is a sort of powerful ascended being in the Magic: The Gathering lore. Garruk himself is a 8 feet 2 inches, 480 lbs beast of a man who’s a warrior-druid that wields a pretty sweet axe and prefers the wild. About the only connection he has… [Continue Reading]

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