It took me some time, but I finally decided to write it.
I can’t remember how I first came across Totalbiscuit’s video. Maybe it was just YouTube recommending me gaming-related videos and decided to show me some of his stuff, maybe it was a friend who recommended it to me. But that doesn’t matter.
I remember being rather miffed at the Day One: Garry’s Incident debacle. It spoke volumes to me of the kind of character TB is. When the same thing happened again with FUNCreators and Guise of the Wolf, I simply smiled and waited for FUNCreators to fall. They did.
I remembered watching his thoughts on modern military shooters. Then, I watched his follow-up video when he talked about the state of FPS games nowadays, while comparing it to Shadow Warrior. Totalbiscuit and Yahtzee got me to play single-player FPS games that are more along the veins of these, which in turn got me into the Serious Sam series. And that was some of the most fun I ever had in video games. It is pure catharsis in action.
I always have his Terraria playthrough with Jesse Cox in the background while I play Minecraft. Listening to their banter while mining away is one of my favourite ways to unwind when under stress. Unlike his usual cynical, almost grumpy demeanor, the Totalbiscuit there was clearly having fun and was enjoying himself. And it was quite nice to just listen to two guys having a good time. For a similar reason, I enjoyed his gameplay of Hatoful Boyfriend, Huniepop, and Long Live The Queen with his wife, Genna Bain, simply because of how much laughter it brought me. I am half certain that he absolutely hated those games, at least at first, but he enjoyed every moment he had with his wife.
And I swear, his obsession with the options menu must have rubbed off on me somewhat. I went from someone who couldn’t be bothered to look at the options unless I need to know the keybinds to someone who paid attention to them to optimise my experience.
The Co-optional Podcast introduced me to Dodger and Jesse Cox, as well as Crendor. They are a group of personalities that I may have never found out about otherwise. And they are great. Cox’n’Crendor in the Morning is fantastically enjoyable. And Dodger is just sweet.
And just today, I was listening to The Co-optional Podcast Ep. 214, featuring MathasGames. Totalbiscuit was talking about God of War, which he hadn’t played yet. And he said “… if not, it will get remastered on Playstation 5, it will get re-released in 5000 different ways, you know it will happen. There’s so many good games, I can wait. I really can just wait, for a lot of this stuff …”
That episode was aired on 24th April. One month before his death.
I found out about his death in the morning of 25th May. I woke up, took a look at Reddit, and saw the news. Totalbiscuit has passed away mere hours ago. It felt like just a few days ago when he announced his retirement from being a game critic. And it felt too soon.
Thirty-three years old. He was just ten years older than me.
I like listening to Totalbiscuit. He may be absolutely horrible with social media at times. I may not agree with him at times (I could never agree with him in regards with Overwatch’s lootbox, for example). But still, he’s one of the most respectable figures I’ve seen on YouTube, and one that I held in high regard.
He was just a guy, on some website. Talking about video games and some other things. Why does this affect me so much.
Rest in peace, Totalbiscuit. And thank you.