Welcome to Kolasi – An Attempt At Relaxation
This week, instead of normal articles and for an April Fools joke, I’ll be sharing a new Phoviverse story arc, a story set in my fictional universe, with a bunch of nonsensical and definitely not human characters. Join a team of adventurers as they visit a strange jungle world to track down a dangerous beast. Read the original story here.
Xeno Dessaron One were supposed to be having a relaxing day before they set off into the treacherous jungles of Kolasi, but Retvik was struggling with that simple request. While Nyssi was sunbathing by the pool, Tenuk was getting a special treatment for his fur and Kayel was getting a lot of pampering and attention in the hot tubs for some reason, Retvik was somewhat at a loss for what to do with himself.
He’d tried his best, but he was struggling now. He’d tried going to the hotel’s gym, but none of the equipment was the right size for him. The same applied to the hot tubs and jacuzzi, Retvik had sat in one and found it somewhat pointless, since he was too large. Not to mention the fact that Retvik had bumped his head three times so far. Really, he was glad that he had a large, armoured plate covering his head, because the first door he’d bashed into did genuinely hurt a little bit.
Retvik wasn’t angry though, he was kinda used to this. Back at home, back in the city of Palaestra where Retvik lived, the average height was 2.3m, because the population was more varied, and more Banikans, Thraki and Rethavok, lived there. Here on Kolasi though, the average height in the tourist areas was closer to 1.8m, and everything was built in relation to that. And since Retvik was 2.5m tall, perfectly average for a Rethavok, in a place that rarely had Rethan visitors, of course they weren’t going to be as accommodating for Retvik’s size.
Desperately looking for something to do, Retvik decided to go to the pool-side bar. Well, the bar that was in the swimming pool. It seemed like a novel idea to Retvik, and maybe the water would make it so the bar stools wouldn’t creak under Retvik’s weight.
First though, Retvik needed to take his armour off. Yes, he was wearing casual, leather armour, but he didn’t want it to get wet, not with the heavily chlorinated pool water. Retvik very carefully sat down on the sun bed next to Nyssi.
“You alright, Retty?” Nyssi immediately asked as she turned herself over. She was topless, but so were the other Temthan tourists nearby. Temthans cared little about nudity, and Retvik didn’t really care either since he wasn’t a Temthan. Then again, as a Rethavok, he didn’t have any visible gender traits, or even really a gender at all. Most Rethavok used they/them as their preferred pronoun, and Retvik only used he/him because that was what every other non-Rethan called him and he spent very little time alongside other Rethans.
“Yes, I am fine. Do you want a drink?” Retvik asked as he started removing pieces of armour. He was mostly just wearing a chest piece, a fabric wrap around his waist, and leather padding on his arms and legs. Normally, Retvik would have worn shoulder plates and padding down his tail as well, but he was wearing casual wear today. “I am going to that weird bar over there.”
Nyssi giggled, then pointed to a small table by her side. On it were five glasses, two of which still had drinks in them, one of which smelled alcoholic. “I’m good, girl! You go have some fun. I’ll even look after your, uh, stuff…” Nyssi paused for a moment. “You do realize we’re on holiday today, right? You don’t seem to be relaxing.”
“My idea of relaxation is training, exercise and occasionally eating a lot of junk food and having the odd alcoholic drink. It is too early for alcohol and I am concerned I will break the gym equipment here.”
“Then go and eat some junk food then, silly! Or, if you want to do some exercise, go swimming.”
“I would, but I am not a fan of swimming. I am a heavy, non-buoyant being.”
“Eh, practice then. You’re a long-time gladiator, you should know that.”
Retvik grunted as he got up. He was essentially naked now, but his natural armour covered up anything sensitive. “You are right. Are you sure you do not want anything?”
“I’m good. You go enjoy yourself.”
“Very well.”
Retvik grunted once more, then awkwardly made his way over towards the bar, stepping into the clear, blue water. He then waded over to the bar and sat himself down on one of the stools. A Temthan wearing a white dress and a swimming cap to contain her hair-like tendrils took Retvik’s order and swiftly placed a large glass of diet cola down in front of him, before disappearing.
However, Retvik didn’t remain alone for long. Something sloshed over and sat down next to Retvik.
“Hello, Kayel.”
“Heya, Retvik. Enjoying yourself?”
Kayel had brought his drink with him. Unlike Nyssi, Kayel was being somewhat sensible and was drinking something sweet and fizzy, but also as colourful as Kayel himself was. But by the tone of Kayel’s voice, he seemed rather… uncertain about things.
“I guess. How about you?”
Kayel tutted loudly. “I was going to say it’s like no one’s seen a Skyan before, but the thing is, it seems like most of the folks around here haven’t really seen a Skyan before… I am getting a LOT of unwarranted attention…” Kayel trailed off and sighed. “I suppose at least no one’s called me a baby Rethan yet.”
“You are not enjoying the attention?” Retvik took a sip of his drink. Thankfully, the Temthan waitress had given him a big glass.
“Not this attention. I’m not that weird, am I?”
Retvik shrugged. “I am the wrong person to ask. But you Skyans do tend to keep to yourselves, and you are not a particularly numerous race.”
“We’re plenty open about ourselves, to the point that everyone else entrusts us with their data and libraries. Everyone else is just… I dunno, ignorant, I guess?” Kayel was frowning. He was supposed to be having a good time. The attention had been nice at first, but now he needed some space to himself. At the same time though, he didn’t want to just lock himself in his hotel room.
“I suppose. I understand how you feel though. Here, there are less races wandering around. At least, less than there are back home. Portalia is a much more varied planet. Designed with weirdness in mind. Also deigned with larger beings in mind.”
“How many times have you banged your head?”
“Oh, only three times so far.”
Kayel’s frown faded somewhat. It faded completely as the waitress suddenly reappeared, placed a bowl of ice cream in front of both Kayel and Retvik, then disappeared again.
“They really like you…” Retvik muttered.
“Yeah…” Kayel lowered his voice, changing the subject and going back to frowning. “Can I ask you something, mate?”
“Of course.”
“Does any of this seem… fishy to you?”
“Fishy as in smelly or suspicious? Because all I can smell right now is chlorine, alcohol and Temthans taking advantage of the low season prices and all-inclusive deals.”
Kayel rolled his eyes. “That is… oddly specific. But no, numbskull, of course I mean fishy as in suspicious. We live in a heavily monitored society, literally everyone has a bloody camera of some sort. Especially the Lanex, who have cameras attached to their damn mask-covered faces. Yet they don’t know what we’re going to be hunting down? And they’ve given us all these nice things for free?”
“We did ask for nice things!” Retvik countered. “Today is specifically a day to relax, just like you and Tenuk wanted.”
“They gave us no-strings-attached permissions to do whatever we want here, for free. Which I do totally appreciate, but I find it kinda weird that we basically have no idea what we’re getting into.” Kayel sighed, then started eating his ice cream. “I looked up what Banikanic Saurids are. They don’t get THAT big. Not big enough to be a major concern to the Temthans and Banikans that live here. And ‘mutant Thraki’? Come on, that sounds silly! Something is going on and I don’t like it. And between that and the whole no-one-seeing-a-Skyavok-before thing? It’s fucking hard to sit down and relax. Essentially since we are basically going camping tomorrow onwards. Nyssi and I are considering betting how long it will take for Tenuk to complain.”
Retvik didn’t have an answer and just shrugged. Admittedly, as far as he was concerned, he wasn’t exactly paid to think. “I suppose at least, as you said, we live in modern times. Camping is not as bad as it used to be.”
“True, I guess…” Kayel took a breath, then kicked his legs, taking a moment to appreciate the heated swimming pool. “Still, I feel like something really weird is going to happen.”
“Weird things happen to us four all the time. The only difference now is the location, the additional luxuries and who our current handler is.”
Kayel hesitated briefly. “I really don’t like how comfortable you are with the idea of being… handled…”
Retvik shrugged some more. “I have worked for the Raptor my entire adult life, she sets me up, tells me who to fight and that is what I do, no different from being employed in other jobs. This is just another job. Although, maybe when we get back home, I might see if there is a pool bar or something, because this is quite nice and I do need to get more used to water.”
“So…” Kayel was still frowning. “You’re not at all bothered by any of this?”
“Oh, I am, but there is not much I can do about it. I am more annoyed that I cannot relax the way I normally would.”
“Huh… fair…” Kayel lacked any further comment. Instead, he turned his attention back to the bowl of ice cream in front of him. Retvik had already finished his bowl, but only because he was massive and the serving was small. After a moment of silence, Retvik glanced down at Kayel, then tutted.
“You are not used to luxury, are you?”
“Not really, no. Always been very tight with my money, before spending it all on stupid stuff like food and awkward and pointless career changes.”
Retvik snorted. “Have you ever had a massage?”
“No. I’ve considered it, and I’ve given massages to other people before, but never had one myself. It’s kinda awkward, going on my own to that sort of thing, especially considering some of my previous jobs.”
“Would you like me to accompany you, while we have the opportunity to try these things?”
Kayel glanced up at Retvik. “Don’t you want to, I dunno, do your own things to relax?”
“I am bored, I cannot do what I normally do to relax, it is too early to consume alcohol and my final option is to eat myself silly, which may be a bad idea considering we are going camping tomorrow. Doing something alongside my friend would help me relax too, even if it is not something I normally do.”
“Eh, fair enough!” Kayel got up from his seat. “Always wanted to try a proper massage anyway…”