The Art of Crouch-Dodging

Is jumping around and tapping A+D not working out? Do you feel as though you can’t outsmart a marksman Sniper or Ambassador Spy when they headshot you in the air?

Well, today gentlemen and gentleladies, I’m going to teach you one of the most interesting dodging techniques exclusively invented, extensively field-tested by myself, IceFuse, aggravating-virtuoso.

Firstly, before we begin, we should focus on what one of America’s finest movies, DodgeBall, had taught us,

The 5 D’s of DodgeBall: Dodge, Duck, Dip, Dive and Dodge.

Dodge:
Revision first. How do you dodge? Why do we dodge? And if we were so good at it, why do we succumb to outright headshots and meatshots we could’ve avoided? It’s because jumping and strafing are old dodging techniques, where the metagame knows their function. So if we still fail by crouch-jumping around and strafing, there’s got to be a better way, right? And don’t get me wrong: what we do now for dodging currently has a couple better points than what I’m going to explain here. So let’s start.
Duck:
What I call the basis for crouch-dodging: Simply duck, and you make yourself a smaller target. You also move slower, making classes mispredict their tracking of where you’ll be within the next opportunity to shoot. In terms of headshooting hotshots, suddenly they’re distracted by the change of aim they must have. This gives you the advantage of more time to finish them off while they reposition their crosshairs your head below where it just was.
Dip:
The intermediate level of crouch-dodging: Not only do you duck, but you let go of the crouch button a half second and go right at your opponent head-on. When their crosshair is prime and they’re sure they won’t fail at this headshot or meatshot that they have drawn onto you, you DENY them by dipping before it happens and standing back up and rushing at them again with your melee drawn or weapon in hand, all in their own confusion.
Diving:
Rage-inducing level of crouch-dodging. What’s diving? Combining both strafing and dipping to kill tracking altogether. Simply put, what you do is strafe left and right, hit the crouch button for a moment, get back up, rinse and repeat. And if you do it without a pattern? Your opponent will give up. The mentality has changed to just do everything he/she can to just put you down. Therefore, their guard is down, and going for the kill when you’re in control of your movement and they aren’t makes it all a piece of cake.

Dodge (some moar!):
Crouch-dodging is something optional. You don’t have to exclusively use crouch-dodging; sometimes, especially when you’re in front of a Soldier, Demoman or Heavy, it’s the worst idea because you should jump to avoid that explosive damage and minigun fire. But if you want to outsmart that other bullet, try out crouch-dodging!
I assure you, it’s easy, effective, and fun. And using a combination of both crouch-dodging and normal dodging? From what I’ve tried against Highlander scrims and pub players alike, they can barely land a shot.