Five weapons that synergize with Britney Spears songs

As a bilingual user of the amazing music program called Spotify, I like to listen to some Anglo/Franco tunes while I’m playing TF2. Quietly enough so I can still hear Spies uncloaking, of course. And with my impeccable musical taste, I get Britney Spears tracks coming up a lot.

In case I completely scrambled your brains with that intro, let me get to my point. You know when you’re doing something intensive and a particular song gets stuck in your head? Then you do that same thing later and the same song goes through your mind? I call this musical imprinting, although there’s probably a fancier technical term. As a result of it I associate certain TF2 weapons with certain Britney Spears songs. I now feel compelled to share some of the more interesting ones, hopefully you’ll find this entertaining.

1. Weapon: Ullapool Caber. Song: …Baby One More Time.

   One of Britney’s most famous lines is “Hit me baby, one more time.” While Demoman is no baby, when I’m playing as him I often get only one hit with the Caber. Melee plus explosion damage (35 + 100) is just enough to kill four out of nine classes in one hit. Because it sends the Demo soaring as well, one hit is often all you get. Ka-blooie!

2. Weapon: Flamethrower. Song: Gasoline.

   Pretty obvious, really. The song is all about being set on fire and such. The flamethrower is all about setting things on fire and such. Somebody should re-make the music video with Pyro… Saxxy anyone?

3. Weapon: Wrangler. Song: Radar.

   Well, the Wrangler looks like a radar dish on a stick to me. And the line “got you on my radar” sounds like something Engie would mutter under his breath just before he fires rockets at you from across the map. Could also be a metaphor for spy-checking.

4. Weapon: Mantreads. Song: Lace and Leather.

   Here I like to think of it as Shoelace and Leather. Although these shoes are really Bootstrap and Leather. Yeah, I don’t have much respect for the Mantreads. They’re one of those weapons that make me wonder if Valve made them just to be annoying. But I do have a pair and I always test new weapons when I receive them, so I’ll be hanging on to these musty clodhoppers for now.

5. Weapon: Sniper Rifle. Song: Shattered Glass.

   This one’s actually a crippling irony rather than synergy. We have a running joke on the PhlogistiCast about trying to shoot through glass. In TF2, windows and other habitats of glass do not shatter. It’s usually a Sniper who we observe trying, so Sniper Rifle is the weapon that comes to mind.

By the way, many Britney Spears tracks tend to be a little raunchy and aren’t suitable for people still in primary school. Not that I’m going to police you about it. Even with my new hat, The Law.