Why I hate fighting against Scouts

Usually, when people talk about a class that is their least favorite or that they hate, it’s commonly one of their top 3 least played classes. While that holds true for Sniper, who is my 3rd least played class, The others in my bottom 3 are Engineer and Medic, who I actually don’t dislike that much: Engineer because for the longest time the servers I went on didn’t allow him to be played, and Medic because his effectiveness is solely dependent on your teammates’ competence.

So, it may be a bit of a surprise that my second least favorite class behind Sniper is actually my 3rd most played class. Behind Heavy and Demoman in playtime, it is the Boston Fast Running Double Jump Man, the Scout.

All of you are now hearing Scout's laugh in your head.
All of you are now hearing Scout’s laugh in your head.

Now, let me just say here: Scout can be very much fun to play as. Most of my enjoyment of him comes from his array of Secondary weapons, which are some of the best in TF2: Bonk is basically a pocket ├ťber, Crit-a-Cola makes you go faster and also more powerful, Mad Milk helps you regain health and reveals Spies, Winger gives you a whole lot of mobility, Pocket Pistol gives you more health and makes you immune to fall damage, and Flying Guillotine paired up with Sandman is one of my favorite combinations in all of Team Fortress 2.

So yeah, playing as Scout can be quite enjoyable. Fighting against Scouts, though? OH DEAR. Everyone is always complaining about how Mini-Sentries are annoying: Imagine if a Mini-Sentry could move, moved faster than you, had 25 more health, was given a Shotgun and could jump in the air multiple times. That is how I feel whenever I’m facing off against a Scout, and here are the reasons as to why that is:

YOU CAN’T RUN AWAY FROM A SCOUT

"Ooh, this is baaaad!"
“Ooh, this is baaaad!”

Scout is the fastest class in the entire game. If he wants you dead, YOU ARE GOING TO DIE. You cannot simply run away from a Scout, he is going to do his damnedest to follow you and kill you to death. Most classes, like Heavy and Soldier and even Pyro, will eventually quit chasing you once you manage to get far enough or if a Medic comes to your aid. But not Scout: He will just take down your Medic and keep on shooting you afterwards. And thanks to his mobility, chances are you can’t really hit him back once the chase keeps on going: He will jump on you, all around you and just confuse the crap out of you. The only way to truly get away from a Scout is to pray to god there is a Sentry nearby, those seem to be the only thing that keep Scouts at bay.

YOU CAN’T CATCH UP TO A SCOUT

"Ooh, this is-" Wait, isn't this just the previous image in reverse?
“Ooh, this is-” Wait, isn’t this just the previous image in reverse?

Let’s say you decide to fight back against a Scout. As soon as you start firing ANY of your weapons, Scout bolts to the other side of the map while still dealing chip damage to you all the way through. When you try to approach him, he runs further away. When you decide to back up, he catches up with you immediately. And this includes Scout v Scout matchups as well: You both run at the same speeds, meaning the only way you can catch up to an enemy Scout is if he makes a mistake, or if you’re using the Crit-a-Cola or Baby Face’s Blaster. Speaking of, if an enemy Scout starts using the Baby Face’s Blaster, you’re done. It’s over. Unless you’re willing to get everyone in the server to hate you and start using Mini-Sentries or Natascha.

THEY ARE DAMN NEAR IMPOSSIBLE TO HIT

Scout is one of the most mobile classes, and easily the most mobile if rocket and sticky jumping aren’t take into account. That makes him so much harder to hit than anything else in the game, even with hitscan weapons. And that includes Scout v Scout fights: There have been so many situations where a Scout and I have been locked down in combat for well over a minute because neither of us could hit the other for more than 6 damage, because both of us kept running and jumping unpredictably. Even when I’m playing as a Heavy, trying to hit Scouts is like trying to take down Godzilla with your bare hands: If you haven’t spun up your Minigun before the Scout comes in, you automatically lose. If your Minigun is already spun up, you’re going to have a hard time anyway thanks to the Scout’s mobility. He could well jump over you, and by the time it takes for you to turn around he has already landed 2 good meatshots on you. And let’s not even get to the Baby Face’s Blaster: I have actually taken down a Heavy as a BFB Scout using nothing but the Fan O’War. No joke.

Running around at the speed of NEEDADISPENSERHERE
Running around at the speed of NEEDADISPENSERHERE

THEY FARE WELL ON THEIR OWN AGAINST NEARLY ANY CLASS AND ARE TRULY STOPPED BY ONLY ONE

Scout is so powerful, that it doesn’t really matter who he is fighting against: Chances are, he’s gonna either come out on top or deal hefty damage anyway. Scout can outrun and dodge Soldier’s rockets and stay out of Shotgun’s reach. Scout can easily outrun a Pyro and his flames, who’s only weapon against Scouts seems to be the Reserve Shooter and even then Scout can evade airblast if he didn’t use up his double jump. Demoman, as a full projectile class, is basically screwed if he didn’t happen to equip the Loose Cannon, which even then Scout can run away from. Heavy loses if he hasn’t spun up his Minigun, and has a hard time hitting Scout even if he has. Medic’s Syringe Gun couldn’t hit the broad side of Barnblitz, Sniper’s only weapon against Scouts is bodyshots since headshotting is damn near impossible and Jaratewhacka doesn’t work because the Scout can keep his distance. Spy has no chance of ever backstabbing a Scout if he keeps on moving, and using the Revolver is hard because of Scout’s speed. That leaves us with only the Engineer, whose Sentry Gun is the only reliable counter against Scouts. If there isn’t an Engineer on your team, the flock of Scouts that follows is going to murder every single one of you.

SCOUT PLAYERS ARE OBNOXIOUS

If there is a smack-talking tryhard player on the server you’re currently playing on, chances are they’re playing the Scout. I don’t know if it’s the Scout’s personality rubbing off on them, but 90% of all Scout players I’ve seen have been horrible dicks, insulting people on the chat and acting all cocky. And for this, we don’t have to look any further than STAR_. He never pushes objectives yet he gets all pissy when he loses(yet asks people why they have to get mad, it’s just a game), and is also hell-bent on “trolling” people and think it’s funny. Say what you want about Jerma, but I have never seen him smash his keyboard after getting killed by a Mini-Sentry.
DISCLAIMER: I don’t hate STAR_, I actually really enjoy his videos most of the time, but you have to admit he can be REALLY obnoxious at times.

SCOUT HIMSELF IS OBNOXIOUS

I do not want to offend Nathan Vetterlein, Scout’s official voice actor, or anyone who lives in Boston, but I have to say this: Scout’s accent is obnoxious. Seriously, every single time Scout opens his mouth in the Meet the Team videos, I want to punch him in the face. His personality doesn’t help much: A cocky jackass who thinks he’s the center of the universe. I know that’s the joke, that he thinks he’s cool but is just a dweeb, but I still can’t stand him. He is a bit better in the comics, where they decided to go with more of an only sane man vibe, but still, man can he be annoying. Especially when he Frying Pans you shouting “NEEDADISPENSERHERE NEEDADISPENSERHERE NEEDADISPENSERHERE┬áNEEDADISPENSERHERE…”

You ask for that Dispenser one more damn time...
You ask for that Dispenser one more damn time…

SCOUTS ALWAYS SEEM TO GET IT THEIR WAY

Think about nerfed weapons in Team Fortress 2. Natascha, which slowed down Scouts, has been made into a mockery. The Enforcer which critical hits could oneshot Scouts, cannot random crit no more. Gunslinger, Tide Turner, Loch-n-Load, Liberty Launcher… Pretty much all of those were weapons could originally help the class deal with Scouts: Every single one of them ranges from underpowered to downright useless now. Well, except the Loch-n-Load: Valve decided that instead of oneshotting Scouts, it should completely counter Heavies! Valve, you are so smart.

CLOSING THOUGHTS

So, now that I’ve pissed every Scout player ever, let me say this: I don’t completely hate Scout. Unlike Sniper, I can at least see where Valve was coming from with Scout and that he fits the game. It’s just that I think he fits the game a little TOO well. He’s annoying, but I wouldn’t want to see Scout removed from the game entirely. That’s more than I can say about Sniper.

Pictured above: Sniper at his best
Right back at ya, Mr. Mundy.

Oh well, there is always the Mini-Sentr- *gets stranged to death by sham1*

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