Right now, I should be browsing SPUF and r/TF2/, discussing the recent stress tests. I’ve missed all of them. I don’t really care, despite having a hint of excitement early on the morning of the fourth. On the dawn of a new age of Team Fortress 2, I have finally freed myself. I have cut the strings that tie me. It’s taken a long time, but I have finally done it. I have uninstalled Team Fortress 2.
I’m tired and jaded. I am sick of playing a game where I always lose. No matter how hard I try, failure spits in my face and victory is forever out of reach. No matter how hard I try, everything I touch has a habit of crumbling to dust.
It’s no one’s fault but my own. I simply am not very good at the game. You’d think that after nearly 1800 hours, I’d be able to do semi-decently on a Valve server, not linger at the bottom unless I’m playing my namesake. And even then playing Medic does little. Wouldn’t be a problem if I actually tried more, but I hit a brick wall and failed repeatedly to overcome it.
What actually made me uninstall was a big failure. I got stuck on a jump server. On the ABC starter map on Jump Academy. It was then that I realised how useless and pathetic I was, that I couldn’t even complete this incredibly simple course. Seriously, how hard is it to press space, shift and click at the same time?
So yes, I am taking a break. I haven’t played TF2 in ages, and I’m going to blindly ignore it for a bit longer. Not like anything is happening aside matchmaking, right?
What does this mean for the Daily SPUF? I don’t know. Aabicus has been keeping his promise of making videos, something I have completely failed to do. I tried, but my computer can’t take recording Minecraft, let alone anything interesting. And those who have played with me know how my microphone sucks. I am angry at myself for being unable to make even basic videos. I guess I’ll still write articles and try and keep the Daily SPUF daily for as long as possible, but no promises. 2000 articles feels really far away now, same way 20 thousand posts on SPUF feels impossible. There will probably be more non-TF2 articles now.
This probably won’t be forever. I’m unable to stick to things and am indecisive. I’ll probably reinstall TF2 tomorrow, even if it’s 15 gb of space I could be using to store my folder of badly written Bionicle fan fiction. Alright I don’t have that much fan fiction. Some of it is TF2 related too. Most of it is my phovos.net stuff, but I don’t think you’d enjoy it.
I don’t care. I’m sick and tired of myself. I’m stuck in the same infinite loop SPUF is stuck in. Except I can take a break from SPUF, I can stop playing TF2. For now though, I am free.
Well, for about twenty minutes. Until this little cloud of depression passes.
Maybe I’ll play some Skyrim.