While making ice cream that I pretend has way less calories than it actually does, I realized there a quite a few things about Team Fortress 2 that I refuse to believe. So here’s my list.
Guys, if you solely clicked on this article hoping to find me complain about random crits, you’re welcome. I made this one easy for you. Now go on with your “MAGGOT”-life.
I’m not sure why TF2 has random crits in the first place. Their controversial nature is controversial in itself. You find yourself liking them each time you get a random crit that kills your foe in an otherwise hopeless encounter, yet you hate them when the same happens to you. And while you might acknowledge that in the grand scheme it averages out, you refuse to believe random crits are ever in your or everyone’s equal favor.
Let’s face it: Random crits suck, and TF2 is pretty much the only game I know giving out random criticals.
TF2 being a competitively played game
TF2 has a fun-loving, crazy, absolutely not serious nature. Beginning with the art-style, and going over to ridiculous plot lines and characters, with all 9 mercs being over-stylized, absolute nut-jobs. How would you ever expect this game to have a competitive mode, yet even have a competitive scene? Why do people play a game that revolves around random crits in a serious manner anyway? I absolutely do not know, and I simply don’t want to. TF2 being played seriously? No way!
TF2 is old
Just how folklore says to never tell a woman how old they are or ask them for their weight, never ever tell me TF2 is a 9 year old game. It really aged well. And the art-style is timeless, making you forget about DX12, async-computing, tesselation and whatsyourface. To me TF2 is forever young, and whoever confronts me about TF2’s advanced age, go hump your rocks off on the shiny graphics of CallOfDuty #42 and leave me alone!
Picking up weapons does not add the weapon to your inventory/Weapon drops
So the big cosmetic update thing added these random weapon drops. No one ever tells you anywhere (at least not official sources) that these are random drops, and the weapons you pick up from dead foes are merely re-skinned ammo packs. Why would you believe otherwise? Fortunately they cleaned this mess up a bit by allowing you to use the weapons in a pickup-manner if this weapon is compatible with your class. But it still doesn’t add the item itself in your inventory. Why would you ever announce in the chat, in this particular way, that someone has “found” a weapon?
The engine sucks because that was a clear hit
Everyone ever had this moment. With any game. You know what I’m talking about. That moment when you’re already around the corner! Or the other classical one, where you are dead-sure you shot first, but the shot doesn’t register because you are dead. Or that one, where you sure as hell shot someone in the face on purpose, but you actually didn’t hit Marvin’s stupid grin at all?
Well, most of these are the hazards of online play, and having nothing specifically to do with the engine or the game. And the rest of them is people not having set up their net settings properly (hello, cl_interp).
But guys, your constant rant about the game sucking because you don’t know jack about it or how to set it up, please leave that one to yourself.