Fucking Anniversary Update…

There I was, minding my own business, trying to write articles and close things down, when Windows popped up and told me that it wanted to do an update. It didn’t specify what update, it just said it wanted to update. I thought, fine, that’s okay, it’s probably just a small update. I was about to turn off my laptop anyway, so it could do its stupid update and I could go to bed.

11pm, trying to get some rest before getting up early tomorrow, and I had an annoying as fuck bright blue screen, sitting there, staring at me with its annoying overly polite tone. After twenty minutes, it did its stupid update and shut itself down. I could finally go to bed, and thought nothing more of it.

The next day, I turned my laptop on. I had work I needed to get done that was due that morning. Nope, Windows had to do more updates. I sat there, glaring at my screen for an hour and a fucking half, wishing Windows had warned me that this was a big update. But no, I just had to guess.

Turns out, it was the Windows Anniversary Update.

And it has completely and utterly fucked my computer.

Well, on the plus side, my start menu works, which was an issue many people reported. The new start menu is alright, even though the muscle memory from the old one will take time to adjust – I keep on overshooting the Power button. That’s the one good thing.

First problem is that I have a weird stuttering issue. The computer is slow to start, slow to get things running and seems to hate me typing. It keeps on freezing at random and I haven’t worked out how to fix it, aside from switching my laptop’s battery to High Performance. That’s not a problem now, but it will be when I need to take my laptop out and don’t always have access to a power supply.

The second problem though is incredibly annoying.

The Anniversary Update uninstalled Catalyst Control Center, and my AMD settings, drivers and programs. The AMD stuff, I have tried to reinstall, but it turns out there are .dll files missing from my computer that ere clearly there BEFORE the Anniversary Update. They were there because AMD’s programs used those .dll files and now said programs refuse to start because those .dll files are no longer there. It took me having to uninstall EVERYTHING AMD-related and have to download my graphics card drivers again.

... I just installed the drivers though...
… I just installed the drivers though…

This happened when I upgraded to Windows 10 in the first place, but changing your operating system almost entirely is different from an otherwise rather standard update.

But Catalyst Control Center, fuck knows where that’s gone. It’s as if the program was never installed. Now, Catalyst Control Center was kinda not really used any more since Crimson came out, but that’s beside the point. If it was incompatible with the Anniversary Update, why didn’t you fucking tell me before you go and uninstall it? Or perhaps give me an option to uninstall or upgrade it myself?

On a side note, I apologise for being harsh on you, Integrated Intel Graphics Card. You did your best to keep up. You’re still not very good, but you held up while my AMD graphics card drivers had flid fits.

Windows, please, for the love of the Bahrag, FUCKING TELL ME WHAT AN UPDATE IS BEFORE YOU GO AND DO IT. If I had known, I would have made a fucking system restore point. A more recent one, anyway. Now System Restore doesn’t want to use my older point. Fuck you, System Restore. No, wait, sorry, I didn’t mean that, I love you, System Restore, normally.

Seriously, I wouldn’t mind these forced updates, if I was told in advance what was actually in them and whether I needed to prepare my graphics drivers in advance.

Whether or not I’ve properly fixed this, who knows. But Warframe didn’t make my computer overheat so goodness knows. Luckily, _AD was around to give me some tips (I expect he’s going to get some extra work over the next few days… Also I kinda want to design you a new website…), and I managed to work it out on my own eventually.

It’s not even just me. Mystic asked if someone would write an article about the Anniversary Update, and aabicus is having problems with his wireless internet drivers. The upgrade from Windows 8.1 to Windows 10 was smoother than this.

Fuck you, Windows Anniversary Update.


Also known as Doctor Retvik Von Schreibtviel, Medic writes 45% of all the articles on the Daily SPUF. A dedicated Medic main in Team Fortress 2 and an avid speedster in Warframe, Medic has the unique skill of writing 500 words about very little in a very short space of time.

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