Ditto Does Not Exist

You know what? My shitty luck aside, I don’t mind the RNG in Pokemon GO. I don’t mind the rather random research, the minuscule chances to even see a shiny, the random stuff from Gyms and Pokestops. I don’t mind the fact that Pokemon have a chance to flee and sometimes refuse to stay in Pokeballs and all that. The only thing I’ve really complained about is being unable to catch Pokemon after defeating them in Raids, especially when I’ve thrown 5+ golden Razberries at them and they still escape, great curve balls or otherwise. But right now, I’ve been trying to catch a Ditto for about 3 weeks now and I’m convinced they do not exist.

When I saw the next stage of special research for Mew, I thought “hey, that won’t be too hard!” since I’d done the other stages not easily, but not at a horrible pace either. I looked up how to catch a Ditto and was told to catch pretty basic stuff. Pidgy, Ratatta, Zubat, Ghastly (although I’ve only ever seen two of those and both were horrendously hard to catch), Sentret, Yanma (again, only seen about 3 total), Hoothoot, Zigzagoon, Whismur, Gulpin, Mankey and Remoraid. Common stuff that kinda appears everywhere.

Since then, I’ve been catching every single one of those Pokemon I’ve seen. Apart from Remoraid and Ghastly because I simply don’t see many of them.

I’ve caught a lot of Pokemon. I got rid of most of them because what the hell am I going to do with 30 Pidgys? I have a literal fuckton of Mankey candy right now because that’s the one I see the most, even if it has a habit of breaking out a lot. I go for every single one of those Pokemon I see. Even the Zigzagoons that tend to flee like 40% of the time. I’ve been using the candy to level things up, because I need the XP.

Yet I still don’t have a Ditto.

I don’t know if 3 weeks is a long time to try and get one, but it’s pissing me off. Especially when it took my siblings a little over a week each. But what REALLY pisses me off is that I’ve been told by multiple people “oh you still don’t have one? We caught 2-5 yesterday!” Or mister “I have 131 Ditto candies” saying he doesn’t have a lot of Ditto candy. 131 Ditto candies is, at minimum, 22 Dittos, assuming every Ditto was given a Pinap Berry so they drop 6 candies instead of 3.

I’m not out catching Pokemon every day, every 2 days I’m out. But I still don’t have a fricking Ditto.

I have two legendary dogs, a Raikou and an Entei, but I don’t have a Ditto. I have a fucking Shiny Moltres, but I don’t have a Ditto. Okay that’s my only shiny Pokemon, but still.

A shiny version of a legendary beast.
A shiny version of a legendary beast.

I don’t even want a Ditto. It’s a stupid lump of flesh that could be insanely powerful, literally god-like. Ditto technology could help repair amputated limbs and replace missing organs, yet we’re using it to fight other Pokemon. Actually, we hardly even do that. We just make it have sex with other Pokemon so we can produce more Pokemon. It can take that dumb, vaguely smug look off its face as well.

 

Also, Ghost Pokemon don’t exist either. I’m at 3/10 Ghost Pokemon needed for that special research. Yes, I’ve been going out past 9pm and early in the morning. No, I haven’t seen anything. I went from 9pm to midnight one day and I didn’t see ANY Ghost-types.

But at least they’re not pure RNG, I can just spin Pokestops until I get research that grants them. Ditto? I’m outta luck. All I can do is hope.

Dittos don't exist. And if they do, then they are definitely not pretending to be anything I've caught.
Dittos don’t exist. And if they do, they don’t exist for me.

Knowing my luck, once I’ve scheduled or published this article, I’ll probably find one in a few days.

Medic

Also known as Doctor Retvik Von Schreibtviel, Medic writes 45% of all the articles on the Daily SPUF. A dedicated Medic main in Team Fortress 2 and an avid speedster in Warframe, Medic has the unique skill of writing 500 words about very little in a very short space of time.

One thought on “Ditto Does Not Exist

  • September 16, 2018 at 10:16 pm
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    I feel you. I reached the ditto challenge the very first week of the Mew community event, and then spent the next three months catching every garbage ‘mon I came across. I can’t believe how long it bloody took to get a ditto.

    Reply

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