On Never Playing Hydroid

So, a Hydroid walks into the Strata Relay, wearing lots of black and red and white and blue. Traditional Pirate looks. Floating behind him is a bright red and yellow Para Carrier Sentinel, flapping its dumb, pointless wings. He’s got a Bolto on his hip and a Glaive, but for some reason the Glaive is attached to his crotch rather than his arm. The Hydroid heads straight for the bar behind Teshin’s little Conclave crevice, where the other cool Tenno hang out.

The Tenno eye this Hydroid, but apart from the Glaive on his crotch, he’s not bothering anyone. But everyone thinks this guy is weird, so a well-meaning Nova wanders over to ask what’s going on.

“Hey, er, Hydroid, about that Glaive…”

“Whah, this beaut?”

“What’s it there for? Does it… bother you?”

The Hydroid gurgles and splutters with laughter.

“Gargh, it’s drivin’ me nuts!”

Today, 19th of September, is Talk Like A Pirate Day. Which means pirates. Which in Warframe, means Hydroid.

Occasionally I will flick through my collection of Warframes, thinking about playing something else for a change. I’ll often end up playing the same old stuff though. If I’m not playing Volt or Khora, I’ll be playing Ivara or Oberon, maybe Excalibur, Ash or Nekros if I want to get specific things done. Actually, I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve picked Hydroid and taken him out for a spin. It’s as if I forget Hydroid exists.

Well, by that I mean Hydroid Prime. Normal Hydroid got sold the second he got to level 30, simply because it had taken me 39 attempts doing Vay Hek assassinations to obtain him, when I’d had his Prime self in the foundry for like a month.

The number of times? Three. And two of those three times, I was basically a dead weight because I didn’t check what build I was using before I jumped into a mission. Turns out, my default Hydroid build is maximum efficiency and range so I can be a giant puddle.

Why do I not play Hydroid? Well most frames tend to have a little niche they can fulfill. Hydroid… doesn’t really have a niche. Not a proper niche anyway.

Well, he sort of does. He’s used as a secondary looter alongside Nekros. Using Pilfering Swarm, Hydroid and his oceanic tentacles and squeeze more loot out of enemies as they smash those poor Grineer and Corpus into the ground. Basically, Hydroid beats some loot out of enemies before everyone else murders them and Nekros dissects the bodies for even more loot. In this scenario, I’m generally the Nekros simply because I have builds for him already and he’s basically my clan’s mascot.

What else can you use Hydroid for though? Well, anything Hydroid can do, most other frames can do better. But it’s not like Volt or Khora who are good all-rounder frames. Those two frames, they’re not the BEST but they can do a lot of other things at the same time. Hydroid just kinda does some things and that’s it.

Wait, what DOES Hydroid even do? Well, he can kinda shoot water, he can turn into a wave and knock people down, he can spawn a fuckton of tentacles and he can turn into an impossible puddle and drown enemies.

And for me? Drowning enemies and being a tidal wave is probably the most fun part of playing Hydroid. Being a puddle actually makes you immune to damage, even if you can’t fire or anything. You really can’t move much either (I mean, how often do you see puddles move anyway?) but you can turn into a tidal wave and move yourself around that way as well.

But being a puddle isn’t exactly engaging. Nothing about Hydroid is really that engaging. Not even his looks are engaging. Hydroid Prime looks a LOT better than his normal variant, but he doesn’t look that interesting. In fact, he looks messy.

Hydroid and some tentacles.
Hydroid and some tentacles.

It’s a shame. Hydroid is a space ninja pirate. There’s so much potential but it’s so badly squandered. Makes me sad.

Well, until I go back to playing Volt or Khora and forget that Hydroid exists again.


Happy birthday, mum.


Also known as Doctor Retvik Von Schreibtviel, Medic writes 50% of all the articles on the Daily SPUF. A dedicated Medic main in Team Fortress 2 and an avid speedster in Warframe, Medic has the unique skill of writing 500 words about very little in a very short space of time.

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