On Getting A Massage

I’ve wanted a massage for ages. While I’m normally someone who’s not a fan of being touched by strangers, the idea of someone gently rubbing my back with some nice-smelling oil is very appealing. So, when my family asked what I wanted for my birthday, I decided to actually be useful for once, not say “I don’t know” and actually ask for one. I was given a voucher for a local massage place and, a couple of weeks later, I actually booked a session and went.

Now, normally, something like this wouldn’t be that noteworthy. I mean, it’s just a massage. But I like massages. And the last massage I had was incredibly disappointing. Despite having booked a 30 minute session, they were done with me in 20 minutes and it felt like they were desperate to get rid of me. Considering I paid for that session with my own money and the place had been recommended to me, I was very much put off and didn’t really want to go again. This time round, I hoped for something better.

The massage I went for was an aromatherapy oil massage. They did give me some different options, some of them with various supposed benefits, but the idea of warm oil on my back sounded the nicest and closest to what I was looking for, so I picked that. I don’t actually believe in anything like chiropractics or anything, most of it is pseudoscience. But massages are nice.

This massage was nice. It was a whole-body massage. I didn’t really like having to take my bra off, and I kept my socks on because I didn’t want them touching my feet – my feet are stupidly ticklish and I get violent when tickled. It was front and back, starting with my back, ending with my neck and chest, but going nowhere near my breasts. The first thing that happened was that I lied on my stomach and the masseuse poured warm oil on my back, which they then rubbed across my back, shoulders and arms. I spent most of the massage being covered by a towel, while whatever part of me that was being massaged would be uncovered. After each body part was massaged though, they’d re-cover that body part and kinda just briefly knead me with the towel covering me, before moving onto the next body part.

Unfortunately, for the entire time though, I couldn’t really relax. I had both work and family on my mind. My grandma had passed not too long beforehand, I was stressing about a mountain of unfinished work I have and I couldn’t stop thinking about both the magazine I had to put together on Monday and the funeral on Tuesday. I was incredibly tense the entire time, and I could really feel it in my shoulders. Sure, the massage was nice, but I struggled to really appreciate it.

The massage ended with a wet, cold flannel being left across my eyes, being gently told that the massage was over and that they’d leave me for a bit to get changed. The flannel felt weird so I took it off as soon as the nice lady left, sat on the bed for a bit then got changed and left. They offered me some water before I left, but I declined, since I kinda needed the bathroom for some reason.

I didn’t expect to leave the massage all oily though. I mean, I should have expected it, but I kinda thought they’d rub me down or use something that sinks into the skin., Even after a shower, I was still kinda oily. The oil didn’t really smell of anything in particular either. I expected lavender or something at least. Maybe I just had a blocked nose or something, or whatever they were using just didn’t have much of a scent. Which is weird because it was supposed to be aromatherapy.

The biggest problem though was that this massage was the fastest hour of my life. It honestly felt like 30 minutes. They had a clock in there, an hour had definitely passed, but bloody hell. While the staff had treated me nicely and the massage was very nice, as soon as I left the shop, I genuinely felt sad and almost distressed that the pleasure had been and gone so quickly.

Would I do it again? Sure, but not for a while. I did enjoy it, but the feelings afterwards were awkward, and I just couldn’t really relax enough to properly make the most of it. Also massages are pretty expensive, and I felt pretty bad realizing how much this massage had cost my family. So it’ll be a long time before I do anything like this again.