Several ways Saints Row: the Third could have been even more awesome

Saints Row the Third is probably my favourite of the Saints Row series and that is NOT a popular opinion. Saints Row 1 was an obvious GTA sort of thing, but Saints Row 2 brought the series into its own with, well, lots of stuff. Likable characters, some form of actual genuine plot and lots of fun stuff. Saints Row: The Third improved on that in some ways and fell down in others, with people still preferring SR2 because it was silly and serious at the same time. Then for some reason everyone lapped up Saints Row 4, despite it having fuck all to do with Saints Row 2 or Saints Row: the Third.

Saints Row 2 is awesome, yes, I agree, but I hate the fact that I have to install Gentlemen of the Row for the game to be even remotely playable on PC. And even then the driving still fucking sucks, something which, in that sort of driving gangsta game, you do very much require. For me, SR:TT was a great game but everyone seems to think otherwise. Let’s see if we can fix that.

Step 1: Make it so Johnny Gat doesn’t die straight away. This guy survived a stab to the stomach with a samurai sword, among other things. Whoever though it was a good idea to kill Gat off-screen via gunshot is insane. If Gat is to die, at least make him die in a fucking huge explosion taking the entirety of an enemy gang with him.

Step 2: Let people choose which gang they want to take over. SR:TT actually had a really linear plot. There were a few choices to be made along the way, but they were all relatively minor. What made SR2 a lot of fun was that even the missions were pretty open-world, you had a choice in what you wanted to do mission-wise. What actually HAPPENS in Saints Row: The Third, no one cares, we just want to be able to shoot specifically coloured people of our choice, not theirs.

Step 3: Gat is so cool he gets his very own step, but don’t think I’ve forgotten about the rest of the recurring cast. I have no idea what was up with Pierce, but Shaundi was a completely different person. It’s like comparing the TFC Medic with the TF2 Medic – one was pretty chill and generally high on something, the other is a gun-toting maniac who leaps around at the speed of light shooting people angrily in the face.

Step 4: Less of the side-missions-being-used-as-actual-story-missions. I can understand using Helicopter Mayhem as a story mission since it has that kind of feel about it, but other side missions, such as Mayhem, Insurance Fraud and Snatch should not be introduced via story missions and should be unlocked from the start. I fucking hate Snatch.

Step 5: More options. There should be a billion customization options on everything, from clothes to cars to guns. The car customization is actually pretty neat (and mostly cosmetic), but why can’t I customize a helicopter if I have one in my garage? I’d kill for the ability to repaint a Tornado, which is almost as OP as the V-TOL. I should be able to make all my weapons incendiary, not just one type of pistol. Also you can never have too many hats. Or too many guns. There’s a lot of choice when it comes to special guns, but the game is somewhat limited when it comes to normal guns, with only 3-4 variations each.

Step 6: Make the game, or Saints Row 4, or Saints Row 5, 4 player coop instead of 2. Because oh my fucking god this game would be so awesome with four massive douchebags running around bashing out gangsta brains with purple dildos. Heck, go massively multiplayer.

Step 7: Just remake Saints Row 2 on the Saints Row 3 engine. It’d be the best game ever.

Imagine this, but with 4, 6 or 8 players!
Imagine this, but with 4, 6 or 8 players!

Or, of course, feel free to ignore all of this, Volition. Either way, I’m looking forward to Saints Row 5, in which the Saints decide to fuck over Heaven because Saint Paul gave Johnny Gat a funny look.


Also known as Doctor Retvik Von Schreibtviel, Medic writes 45% of all the articles on the Daily SPUF. A dedicated Medic main in Team Fortress 2 and an avid speedster in Warframe, Medic has the unique skill of writing 500 words about very little in a very short space of time.

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