Not Really Second Life

Second Life is an ancient thing. I remember seeing adverts for it when I first joined the internet on my own in 2007, advertising that you can live out your fantasies because it’s your second life, completely separate from your first (i.e. real) life. Turns out, it was created all the way back in 2003, and it still has one million active users. Where those active users are, I have no idea. I know that aabicus is not an active member, he only really went there for educational reasons, and will one day write an epic article about his adventures.

As for me, I actually have a Second Life account. It’s five and a half years old, made when I was a lonely, confused 18 year old idiot looking for some sort of sandbox place where I could make my own avatar. Unlike my first attempts in IMVU (which is a pile of shit and you should all avoid it), Second Life just kinda sat there. It didn’t interest me really, and everywhere was kinda, I don’t know, empty. I wandered around starter islands full of people unable to work out how to use the controls, before opening up the in-game browser and randomly clicking on things.

Of course, curious, lonely, confused person that I was, I spent most of my time looking at freebie places and ways to make Linden Dollars, the in-game currency, before spending $8 (which was about €5 back then, or about L$1500) on a super neat lizard-dragon-girl avatar thing and some accessories, with a little left over. I then made some really shitty things that I sold on the Second Life market and generated a slow, trickling income, which I promptly forgot about.

As for where I went, I decided I’d pretend to be a furry, as there were a LOT of furries around when I joined. When I say a lot, I mean a lot. Furries made up about 30% of every search I did. Most of the places I visited were clubs playing obnoxious music, which I always had on mute. My shtick was to just go to these places and talk random nonsense, hoping someone would join in. Even in places where people were waiting around trying to grab people for sex, which once led to a bunch of naked wolf men angrily discussing which Pokemon game was the best. This became a new challenge of mine, to go to hook-up spots and get people to talk about anything BUT sex. It’s not like anyone was talking anyway, even though there’s animated furniture everyone is free to use, 99% of users are content just to write about sex in private messages.

But after a few months, I left Second Life for a long time. I only really came back when it was mentioned in one of my university courses, and it was recommended that I should create an account and have a look. So I did. And it was just as weirdly empty as the first time. Everywhere was empty apart from the furry hook-up places. Occasionally I’d see normal humans but the majority, unless I went to specific human-only places, were animals in some way. From my random clicking, I realised that sex is the main reason people were on Second Life. Probably because, like me, they couldn’t get any in their first lives. Except I was never in it for the sex.

This second time didn’t last long. I made a new friend, but that was pretty much it. It wasn’t until a third visit that I’d realised I’d accumulated some moolah and could buy the one single item on my wish list – a three-set dragon/dog cross avatar thing which came with all the parts so I customized it myself. I spent weeks customizing, made myself something truly unique, showed it to my one friend (who had built and was running a bar and a fighting club while fucking anyone who fancied it while I’d been gone) then realised it wasn’t what I wanted and got sad. I saw this amazing wyvern avatar and started saving up my Linden Dollars, but I realised at the rate I was going, I would never get that L$2500 I needed to buy it. I wasn’t going to spend money on this game I regularly forgot about.

Depression set in. All I did was hang around in my friend’s virtual bar and wave at passers by. Then I kinda just forgot about Second Life again.

I came back a fourth time this year. That old friend was so glad to see me that he gave me L$500 (apparently he could afford it, despite my protests and claims that I probably won’t stick around for long) and told me to go get that wyvern avatar. I did just that, and was finally satisfied with my second life appearance. I spent several days looking for a large place where I could fly around, and found a nice place where I could do just that and started spending more time in Second Life – either at this large, open kingdom designed for dragons, or at my buddy’s bar, which was starting to see more visitors.

But then Warframe came back and started taking over my life. Yeah, being a dragon was kinda fun, but electric space ninjas are way more awesome. Plus, Warframe’s controls are really nice, compared to the clunky shit Second Life mostly consists of.

You see, that’s one of the big problems with Second Life. because it’s mostly made by people, it’s very, very inconsistent. Its oldness also doesn’t help matters, and you can see it everywhere, where new stuff has grown on top of old stuff and old stuff sits there forever. The declining population and lack of care only hastens and makes more obvious the world of inconsistencies, roleplaying, sex and boobs.

Really, I wouldn’t recommend it. Second Life is, above anything else, boring. If you’ve got friends and want to go dick about in a virtual world, then go ahead. But it’s just so dull and empty and unused.

Unless you’re horny and desperate, then there’s plenty for you to do.