Equestria is a Horrible Place

Like many of my articles, this one was inspired by a conversation I once had with aabicus. Now, we’ve mentioned this before, but aabicus has his fingers in many, many different pies, one of them being the MMO called Legends of Equestria, and we’ve even had an announcement for it here. Of course, being a My Little Pony thing, aabicus needs to get his head into all of that, create himself a pony for play-testing and have a decent understanding of its history and lore so he can write quests for it. For a franchise designed to sell toys to little girls, it’s funny how My Little Pony has such a huge following, even outside of the creepy basement-dwelling fat thirty year old man cliche.

But really, when you dig down deep into this wonderful, sugar-coated world of horses, you realise that it is all very, well, sugar-coated.

So, the basis of Equestria is that Celestia is essentially the sun god and everyone must bow down to her, including her sister Luna who got so tired of everyone bowing down to Celestia and ignoring Luna’s own godly powers that she went insane and turned evil. Rather than try and calmly deal with the situation, Celestia locks Luna up inside her own heavenly sphere as some sort of cruel and unusual punishment. But that’s fair. Luna turned evil. She got better and turned good again. She now bows down to Celestia like everyone else and puts up with the fact that everyone’s asleep whenever she’s busy controlling the moon and the night.

That’s pretty typical of kids’ show stuff. But what if we look deeper into Equestria? It’s not a republic or a democracy anything nice like that. It’s an aristocracy. Or perhaps a dictatorship.

Think about it, Celestia rules over Equestria with an iron fist… um, iron hoof. She has a team of 6 elite ponies in order to make sure everything goes her way, she has control over Princess Luna and heavens forbid that anyone tries to oppose her when she put an end to the DAY AND NIGHT CYCLE if she so desires. Heavens forbid that Celestia turns evil.

But we can look past all of that. Celestia has done a somewhat good job as ruler of these lands. No, the disturbing thing is the class system that Equestria seems to have. The Alicorns rule over everyone. The Unicorns control all the magic. The Pegasi rule over the sky and have control over the weather. The Earth Ponies… do everything else. They are told they have a connection to nature and all that, but they basically do all the farming and all the hard work so the other species of pony don’t have to. They’re the most common breed, they’re all over the place, but they’re not the ones in power.

Of course, being the ones that grow all the food, the Earth Ponies could rebel whenever they want. Stop growing food and all that. There’s suggestions that Earth Ponies are stronger than the other species, but what does that really mean? It’s not like the Pegasi control the weather and the Unicorns control magic in general and both could crush an Earth Pony rebellion. It’s not like they’re completely unable to grow food. You’re telling me that unicorns who can alter space-time can’t plant crops? Of course they can. They could probably do it more efficiently than Earth Ponies anyway.

Heck, the Alicorns could do it. After all, there’s more of them than you think. If one can make the sun rise every day, then surely farming isn’t that hard. Alicorns are immortal anyway.

Until then, the Earth Ponies will continue serving their masters until the end of time.


Also known as Doctor Retvik Von Schreibtviel, Medic writes 45% of all the articles on the Daily SPUF. A dedicated Medic main in Team Fortress 2 and an avid speedster in Warframe, Medic has the unique skill of writing 500 words about very little in a very short space of time.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *