Skeletal Irritation

There are a lot of enemies in Serious Sam 3: BFE. And one of them manages to be a constant thorn in my ribs throughout. People, I present to you all with utmost disgust, the Kleer Skeletons.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a9jEcjXH3PE

The Kleers have a ranged attack in the form of bolas that they start chucking at you the moment they get line of sight. And when they get close enough, they’ll pounce at you with their scythe-like claws held high, looking like an overly-enthusiastic Grim Reaper apprentice that forgot his robes. But their greatest strength is in numbers, since Kleer Skeletons rarely, if ever, appear alone. Just to make sure that they will irritate the hell out of you.

For some reason, I always have a lot of difficulty hitting them with bullets. Could be because I always prefer shotguns to assault rifles and I tend to freak out when they pounce into meatshot range, or it could be that since they’re just reanimated skeletons, they’re mostly empty and thus bullets will just whistle through between the ribs without even leaving a scratch. To resolve this rather irritating issue, I normally use the Rocket Launcher or C4 to make sure that the explosions will rattle their bones in a lethal manner. Aside from that, the SBC Cannon is also an ideal method for dealing with them, since the cannonballs will pulverize a whole row of them with one shot, and two rows if they’re packed close enough.

And you thought after being so irritating, killing them will feel great. But no, they have to disappoint on that front just to make sure that no positive feeling can ever be associated with them. A Kamikaze will explode violently when killed. Biomechanoids fell down bruised and bloodied as their metal legs can no longer support their massively bloated head. Kleer Skeletons just lazily fell apart like a handful of twigs. No blood. No explosions. No nothing. It’s like they’re made to either infuriate or disappoint, much like an under-performing group mate you’re stuck with for a vital school assignment.

There is but one barely redeeming trait to this thing: its backstory. Apparently they’re some sort of peaceful alien race before their whole civilisation got wiped out by Mental, the main baddie of the series, with ten billion gallons of napalm. After that, they were resurrected as skeletons to serve as the foot soldiers for the being that wiped out their race. It’s a sob story, but after five minutes of fighting these things I considered dropping another napalm strike just to finish up what Mental started.

Otherwise, this thing is just a pain to fight since they come in hordes and pounce on you from all possible directions. Just like how you will have difficulty fighting a hundred duck-sized horses, Kleer hordes are the most infuriating things to fight because they can quickly overwhelm and disorientate you by pouncing at you from fifty different directions. The only proper way to deal with them is to wipe out the whole wave before it even comes close, best achieved by imitating a turret. There is no fun in fighting it. I enjoy fighting Sirian Werebulls because I can imitate a professional bullfighter and dance around it. I enjoy fighting Rocketeers and Biomechanoids and Scrapjacks because I can run among the projectiles, or if I’m feeling reckless, stand my ground and shoot the projectiles out of the air with my pistol. I even like fighting the minigun-wielding cheap ass Arachnoids because I have the option to lure them close and snap their necks. The Kleer Skeletons offer only tedious point-and-click shooting. At least with the Kamikazes you can blow up his comrades by killing him if you time your shots and herd your enemies together right. And the large monsters are satisfying to kill because you are bringing down something that’s at least 8 feet tall. For some reason, it manages to be both boring and irritating as an enemy at the same time.

In summary, go back to your napalm hell, Kleer Skeletons. Come back when you’re more fun to fight.