A Grineer’s Lunch

Volt hid in the shadows and waited patiently. He wasn’t a stealthy sort of Warframe, but there he was, doing a stealth mission, because why not? It wasn’t like Volt had anything better to do right now, and he wanted to test out his new silent blast Sonicor, so again, why not?

He had been making good progress so far. Lots of rather scattered enemies meant that Volt could take each one out at his own pace. This mission was supposed to have been an exterminate mission, but mass slaughter didn’t need to be done swiftly. Sometimes Volt wanted to feel like the ninjas of ancient legend. Before the Orokin. Before the expansions. Before all this silliness.

Right now though, Volt was just waiting for these two Grineer to split apart. One of them was talking about goodness what, the other was listening but not saying anything. Obviously a guard just checking on on them or something, as the smaller one had a power tool.

Finally, the guard wandered off. Volt decided to deal with them first, since the other one was sitting on a bench and was busy doing its own things. Plus the guard had a gun. As the guard trotted around the corner, Volt tried to decide what weapon to use. His flamethrower was too loud, he wasn’t even sure why he’d brought it. His beloved Sonicor was always a good choice, but this new room had a low ceiling, so the elemental blast damage would most likely be wasted. His new Lesion would be the best choice. Quick, clean and efficient. And properly sterilized so that it wouldn’t cause new infestations. Volt thought back to the three hours he’d spent rubbing that Lesion in alcohol and forma. Not fun.

With the guard out of the way, no longer owning a head and having clearly taken a trip off into a vent of some sort, Volt went back to the other Grineer, who was still sitting at the bench. But now they had a weird brown sack with them. As if it was made out of paper. The Grineer was clearly sitting down to have some sort of meal. Some white thing with a brown edge, with an unknown but otherwise meaty filling. A sandwich.

The whole act confused Volt. When was the last time he had a meal? Well, not Volt himself. He didn’t have a mouth. He had visible ‘eyes’, something a lot of Warframes lacked, but a mouth? Nope. No mouth. No teeth. No nothing. Okay, he as an Operator had all those things, but even as an Operator, he never… ate anything.

Volt blinked his neural sensors. There was a brief break in his Transferance. His Tenno stomach was rumbling. Watching this Grineer was making him hungry.

Ah, the Grineer. Volt’s trail of thought had led him away from them. He was supposed to be doing an exterminate mission, and here he was thinking about food. That thing he no longer needed to consume.

The Grineer though was no longer alone. Another guard had appeared. Coming from another direction clearly, because otherwise he’d seen the blood that Volt had been unable to clean up. This Grineer guard though was a Heavy Gunner, and an angry-looking one at that. Then again, they all looked pretty angry, but that wasn’t what Volt meant. This one looked angry at the Grineer worker. They were talking about something.

Suddenly, the Heavy Gunner pushed the worker. The poor thing fell backwards off the bench, while the Gunner waltzed over and stole its paper bag and its lunch. It laughed, then started to talk away, leaving the worker without its meal.

For reasons unknown, this angered Volt. It was just a Grineer worker, one that Volt was considering killing as part of his mission, but that wasn’t the point. That Grineer needed justice.

The Heavy Gunner squealed in pain as a Lesion pierced her armour then was painfully pulled out, leaving a gaping hole in her chest. She gasped as her freshly stolen lunch flew up into the air and landed neatly in the hands of a bright yellow Warframe. As she died, she watched as the Tenno handed the paper bag back to its true owner.

“Tenno not skoom?” the Grineer asked as it cautiously took the bag.

The Tenno nodded then waved at the confused Grineer worker. It then disappeared off into the shadows to complete it mission, leaving behind a warm, fuzzy feeling and a small puddle between the Grineer’s legs.


Also known as Doctor Retvik Von Schreibtviel, Medic writes 45% of all the articles on the Daily SPUF. A dedicated Medic main in Team Fortress 2 and an avid speedster in Warframe, Medic has the unique skill of writing 500 words about very little in a very short space of time.

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