The Horseless Headless Horsemann visits Gorge

The Horseless Headless Horsemann checked the small piece of paper, looked at the heavy doors, then checked it again. Surely this couldn’t have been the place. Ever since he’d taken this Grim Reaper gig as a side job to pay his student loans, the Headless Horsemann had been to a lot of weird places, but this was just some weirdly decorated old castle that had been used as storage before someone had converted into a haunted mansion. But no, apparently this was the right place. With a sigh, the Headless Horsemann knocked on the door. He had a job to… [Continue Reading]

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Halloween on the Plains

“COME ON, FROST! YOU’RE TAKING FOREVER!” Rhino pounded on the front of the white and blue Liset, waiting for its owner to finally open the door and come out. Behind him were Ember and Volt, both being a little more patient than their heavily armoured friend. “I’m not coming!” “WHY NOT?” Rhino whined. “You said you WOULD! Don’t make Ember all upset! She got all dressed up for the Day of the Dead, why can’t you?” Ember shrugged and glanced at Volt. “I’m not sad.” She was wearing a bunch of bone and skeleton-related things, with a bone necklace around… [Continue Reading]

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Filling in the blanks in FTL

I was playing FTL: Faster Than Light the other day, and I decided to have a bit of fun with the names. I named my Kestrel The Bar, and my starting crew members as Bartender, Bouncer and Waiter. The backstory was, they were a bar-on-a-spaceship that serves people across the galaxy while flying around. One day, the bartender overheard two Rebel agents discussing some rather sensitive intel and the Rebel’s plans to hold their home planet hostage. Once they left, the three of them closed their bar, readied their arms (space pirates want space rum but doesn’t like to pay),… [Continue Reading]

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The Donda

Volt stared at the Donda, a small, metallic, spinning shape hovering above a diamond-shaped base, both plated in that familiar Orokin gold. Beyond the Donda was the view from the Orbiter’s window, the rings of Saturn drifting by, minding their own business. Everything was quiet. All that could be heard was the occasional beep of machinery, the ship humming away to itself. Volt adjusted the Donda, putting it neatly right by the viewing pane. It didn’t seem right to have it sitting with all his other ship decorations. He felt it needed its own spot. Something interrupted the peace and… [Continue Reading]

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A Grineer’s Lunch

Volt hid in the shadows and waited patiently. He wasn’t a stealthy sort of Warframe, but there he was, doing a stealth mission, because why not? It wasn’t like Volt had anything better to do right now, and he wanted to test out his new silent blast Sonicor, so again, why not? He had been making good progress so far. Lots of rather scattered enemies meant that Volt could take each one out at his own pace. This mission was supposed to have been an exterminate mission, but mass slaughter didn’t need to be done swiftly. Sometimes Volt wanted to… [Continue Reading]

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So What the Fuck is Warframe’s Actual Story?

Yeah there’s a story in Warframe. It’s a thing. It’s a weird, confusing, messed up thing. Warframe’s lore is only something you can actually figure out if you sit down and listen to what all these floating heads are telling you while you slaughter dime-a-dozen enemies, or while you’re fiddling about with your mods and browsing the market and all that. No one’s really paying attention though, and with quests being not only scattered throughout the star chart, but also only a handful of them being replayable, the average person probably won’t get it right off the bat. And on… [Continue Reading]

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Mute Crimson-

It says something about the state this game left me in when I bought it in 2015 and finished it in 2017. The thing is, when I returned to it, I couldn’t remember why I’d originally stopped playing. Repressed memories are a funny (and slightly terrifying) thing. But before we get to that, let’s cover the basics. Mute Crimson+ is a hard as nails platformer bringing something akin of the original Ninja Gaiden to the modern-day with significantly less cheap BS. but maintaining the level of difficulty that had established its reputation. Seeing this and identifying it as a challenge, I… [Continue Reading]

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I Am The Ultimate Raccoon

I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but I’m a liar. I have fooled all of you. I am not a wolf, but a raccoon. Not only that, but I am the ultimate raccoon. Well, at least according to Ultimate Chicken Horse, which I’m sure you smart folks already know is a plentiful and unending fountain of credible scientific data. I’ve learnt so much already, such as all the many athletic capabilities of my friends and I, the many contraptions that may harm us during our friendly races, oh… And that we’re cursed with immortality within a realm run… [Continue Reading]

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A Particularly Bittersweet Departure

(and, A Particularly Hopeful Prelude) Final Chapter: Farewell, Nostalgic Yesterday@save_clear(restart) A small voice with ever so slight electronic distortion could be heard throughout the room. “It looks like this is finally it, huh?” At the same time, a small group of individuals stared down at the ultra resolution tablet screen. The specs for handheld device cameras had improved significantly in recent times, as had stereoscopic 3D technology. With such a high level of detail, it was difficult to differentiate the images displayed on the screen from a view through a physical window of some sort. In fact, if it weren’t… [Continue Reading]

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Escaping the Stalker

Volt hated Spy missions. He hated them with a passion. Not because Volt couldn’t hack, in fact, Volt had mastered hacking pretty quickly. He didn’t mind the sneaking either, he actively enjoyed being sneaky at times. No, Volt hated Spy missions because of all those stupid energy fields and sensors and cameras and stuff that the Grineer and Corpus always chucked around their stupid vaults. Why couldn’t they just be in rooms with locked doors that needed to be hacked, rather than stupid jumping puzzles that required Volt to stop running, slow down and start doing stupid backflips and stuff… [Continue Reading]

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