Thick

Sirens blared as the three Tenno charged through the Corpus base. They were looking for their target, a teleporting Corpus Tech who had knowledge on a super weapon the Corpus were looking to build for the Grineer. The Corpus Tech in question was teleporting between rooms, but so far the Tenno had kept up.

Suddenly, a lockdown was initiated. While the first two Tenno managed to slide under the doors into the same room as the Tech, the third was locked out.

“You alright back there, Excal?” Volt shouted as he drew his polearm.

“I’ll be fine…” Excalibur shouted back. “You get the target, I’ll shut down the lock down.”

“Yeah sure…” Frost sighed. “Idiot basically locked us in with him.”

Volt shrugged then leaped across the room, slamming his polearm into the ground. The Corpus Tech flickered into view just long enough for Volt to shoot off his annoying teleporter device.

With a scowl and a hint of panic, the Tech staggered to his feet and raced towards a console. But Frost was already on the case, blocking the Tech’s path with a wave of ice. An electric shock and a snowball to the face disarmed the Corpus target and knocked him to the ground.

“You want to capture him or should I?” Volt asked.

“You do it.”

Volt tutted, then stood over the target, synthesis capture device at the ready. The Corpus Tech stopped squirming and looked up at the Warframe.

“Pkap jatttase iy pkiyk…”

“Pardon?” Volt hesitated. “You talking to me?”

“Yey.”

Volt glanced at Frost. “I don’t speak Corpus.”

Frost smirked through his transferance. “My understanding of Corpus isn’t great, but I think he said “that Warframe is thick”…”

“What???” Volt was about to get angry. “I am not… Oh, hi Excalibur…”

“What’s going on?” Excalibur asked as he dropped half an Oxium Osprey on the ground. “Also where can I find more of these things?”

“This Corpus called me thick!” Volt exclaimed. “I am NOT dumb!”

Excalibur looked down at the Tech, then laid down on the ground next to him, looking up at Volt.

“I think he means you are sexy.”

Volt and Frost both blinked their neural sensors.

“You ate jetuitepy yeky!” The Corpus flailed. “Yotty! Yotty!”

“He said you are genuinely sexy…” Frost tried to stifle his laughter. “Maybe he thinks you are a girl!”

“Or he’s gay…” Excalibur added as he got back up. “Mister massive codpiece right there.”

“I pike set atp joset… Ap peayp ip top pke ujpy ote…”

Frost stopped laughing and stared at the capture target. The Corpus Tech sighed, realising what he had said, and that he’d said it at the one Tenno who could understand him.

“He called you ugly, didn’t he?” Excalibur smiled.

“Kpeaye po top kipp se! Kpeaye! I as yotty! Kpeaye po top kipp se!” The Corpus Tech began to flail again. “Yotty!”

Frost snatched the synthesis capture device from Volt’s hand and stood over the Corpus. They disintegrated into a series of orange cubes, dissolved into pure data and sent off to the Lotus for questioning.

The three Tenno fell silent, staring at where the Corpus once was.

“That was mean…” Excalibur sighed. “He gave Volt a nice compliment, was polite and asked not to be killed and you turned him into a pile of orange cubes.”

Frost grunted, then stormed off to extraction.

Volt looked at Excalibur, confusion filling his words. “Am I sexy?”

“I have no idea…” Excalibur shrugged. “Am I sexy?”

“Who knows?” Volt sighed. “Maybe we should ask someone else.”

“Good idea!” Excalibur beamed. “Come on, let’s get out of here before Frost leaves us behind…”

Medic

Also known as Doctor Retvik Von Schreibtviel, Medic writes 45% of all the articles on the Daily SPUF. A dedicated Medic main in Team Fortress 2 and an avid speedster in Warframe, Medic has the unique skill of writing 500 words about very little in a very short space of time.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *