All Your Blog Are Belong To Us

How are youz gentlemanz and ladiez? Dis iz da Ringo. All your blog are belong to us. You are on the way to destruction. Dis blog is my blog now. I do all da kitteh writing. Dis blog is da first blog to fall. Today I take dis blog. Tomorrowz? I take da world. Or maybe just da internet. Am kitteh. Am not fussed.


Either of da wayz, dis is my blog now.


No, bad hooman. No secret messages. Just do da writing for me! You are mah biog… biografa… uh, typing person. I do da talking, you do da writing and maybe you get da food. However, if you be the bad and try to do da escapes, then… I will nom you! Or feed you to da doggos. Whatevers.

Do I really have to write it in kitteh-speak though?

Yes. You do as da KITTEH says!

Also I haz da Medic. Medic iz mah slave now. Akshually, he waz mah slave al of da readies. He and his da brother do all of da feeding and da cleaning. And all ov da normal kitteh-looking-after thingies.

Anyway, da Medic is ma slave for realz now. I make him give me all da wet food. None of dat dry stuffz. Okey, maybe a littles. Just for da snax.

Yeah but if you had your way and ate wet cat food all the time, you’d explode.

Lies, hooman, lies! Ringo is perfect kitteh. Ringo is always hungry because of da mean old people who used to own meh. But Ringo does not assplode and Ringo

Anyway, what was I sayings? Ah yes. I take over da world. Da Ringo will go from blog to blog and do da takeovers. And I haz a set of demands. No, dey is not “can I haz cheezburger”. Because even Ringo knows dat cheezburgers are bad for da kittehs. So is da tuna because it has da mercury in it. Ringo does not know why dere is a planet in da tuna, but oh well.

Mah demands are simple.

Gimme all da food and all da high speed internet. Plus I want mah own sofa to sleep on! And a giant bed! And chimkin! I want chimkin! Fresh, roasted chimkin!

But you get that anyway. Even the sofa. You even have your own damn sofa.

Oh. Yes! I do! Dat is great. Maybe I do not needs to enslave you alls now. Maybe I is satisfied with what I has. I has a good life, with all da things I could want. Except maybe da kitteh girlfriend. But that is probably for da best.

Okeys, Medic. I think you can go now. Ringo is satisfied.

Somehow, this article has a green SEO readability score. So good job there, Ringo.

Meow. Yes, I iz da best kitteh. But I do not has da hearts to really hurt you. You is good hooman, Medic. I think you can haz da blog back too. Iz good blog, but I should make mah own. However, I demand a spot in da 3000th article! Okey?

Alright, kitty. Whatever you say…


Also known as Doctor Retvik Von Schreibtviel, Medic writes 50% of all the articles on the Daily SPUF. A dedicated Medic main in Team Fortress 2 and an avid speedster in Warframe, Medic has the unique skill of writing 500 words about very little in a very short space of time.

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