Mod Showcase: TF2 x10

Welcome back to Mod Showcase. Brickinator here to tell you about the ‘TF2 x10’ mod, a plugin that cranks everything up to 11. Well, up to 10 really. I’ll try not to lie to you guys in the future. At its most basic, x10 simply multiplies every weapon attribute by ten. Each weapon has either been buffed to godlike status or nerfed into oblivion and everything goes crazy like a monkey fight in a nightclub. The gap between which items have been improved and which have been worsened is pretty jarring. The good-bad spectrum basically boils down to Mother Teresa or Hitler eating babies, and because this is x10 mode it would be ten Hitlers eating ten babies each.

The rest of the game is still the same; like Randomizer, you’re still playing the default gamemodes, only the guy in charge of the locker room had a breakdown. Ten breakdowns, in fact. You need to pick your weapons carefully lest you get the worst ones and doom yourself over and over. Some of the items have had their playstyles totally changed whereas others have reinforced the same principles but made them ten times more risky. The Conniver’s Kunai turns into the ultimate gambit weapon- you spawn with only 1 HP which is approximately the same amount a wafer biscuit gets. Land one backstab though and you’ll skyrocket to 1800 HP. Another favourite is the Sandman which lets you fire off 10 baseballs in quick succession at the cost of spawning with 1 HP. It’s a great way to practice getting your balls on everyone before you get taken down. Likewise, you get ten jars of Jarate. Presumably Sniper has a bladder the size of a beachball. Ten beachballs.

x10 is ten times more entertaining than liposuction. Picture by JTomDaniels.

Some of the items have such absurd buffs that it is kind of annoying to be killed by them. Soldier especially gets a lot of advantages because his primary weapons are buffed so much that they can probably end world hunger and bring Princess Diana back. The Direct Hit is instant-kill, the Liberty Launcher’s rockets buttock-clenchingly fast and the Beggar’s Bazooka can fire thirty rockets at once.

Other ‘thrilling’ transformations include the Dead Ringer which recharges near-instantly but also decloaks you as soon as you use it. It becomes both hilariously useless and entertaining at the same time. The Cozy Camper reduces your movement speed by 99% so you travel slower than an inbound cheque.

The Crusader’s Crossbow becomes an automatic weapon, the Holiday Punch crits every friggin time and the Huo Long Heater uses up all of its ammo in under a second. The Pain Train gives you the Control Point capturing rate of ten people, destroying any semblance of gameplay that might remain. You also die in one bullet if you have it equipped. The Sticky Jumper can have 72 stickies at once in case you plan on leaving the planet. All game balance crumbles away like flapjack in a tsunami; reality as we know it cracks and shatters, disappearing into the eternal void of hysteria.

Also, Frying Pans ignite people for some reason.

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