Stop saying I’m a good Medic!

Seriously.

Stop saying that.

I’m not a good Medic.

Please.

Seriously.

I know what some of you are thinking. I know you’re going to say it. The same old stuff. But let’s face it, I’m a one trick pony, and that one trick isn’t even very impressive. If you can call it a trick at all. Medic IS an easy class to play, you can’t deny it.

What does a Medic do? Apart from healing of course. You have to build an Ubercharge as fast as possible. That involves healing all your team mates and keeping them all alive. Then you need to use that Ubercharge in as effective a way as possible. Oh, and not die. If you don’t die, you’re golden. There’s other stuff too, such as positioning and surfing explosions, but every class has to do that. At its simplest level, playing Medic consists of pointing your large, phallic-looking* healing device at other men, healing them then moving to your next target, until you’ve done enough to reach tipping point and deploy your Ubercharge all over both yourself and one other lucky bloke.

That turned out way more sexual than I intended.

*Come on, it does. Not as much as the Backscatter or the Original, but it does.

In competitive TF2, it’s a bit trickier, since you have to throw in communication and even more positioning, not to mention the fact that there’s two people dedicated to making sure you die and stay dead. Still mostly the same thing though.

But I struggle with this stuff. I struggle to keep people alive and, more importantly, build Ubercharge at a decent speed. The minimum time it takes to build full Uber is 40 seconds, that’s only really possible during setup time on Attack/Defend maps (or any map with setup time). My Ubercharge build times though are pitiful, generally hovering around 70 seconds. That’s a long time. I know the reason why it takes so long. I stick too closely to my pocket and get separated from my team incredibly easily, especially when my pocket Soldier rocket jumps away from me. I’m looking at you, Confusion.

Also, I suck at rollouts. I always need a second to orientate myself, work out which Soldier is where and find the Demoman so I can overheal him. But I don’t have a second, everyone’s already out of the door and running away. I’ll have accidentally overhealed Confusion rather than W0lk (or whoever is subbing for either position – it’s always Soldiers we need!) then failed to give Sham and Jensen/Keith a little luff-puff of overheal before they charge off.

The other big thing for Medicing, positioning, isn’t too bad. My problem though is that I run into things. I back into doorways, I get caught on things. If I’m running away, there is an almost certainty that I will accidentally backpedal into something and then die. This is more map awareness than positioning – you just need to know where to stand and where not to run.

There IS one thing I am good at though. Not dropping Uber. Generally because I’ll either pop it the second I am low health or because I’ve died at 80-90%. *sigh*

But I can’t be that bad. People are willing to let me heal them and play with them. They foolishly trust me. I’ve even had the leader of an opposing team say that I did alright.

I guess I’ll just have to settle with being alright.

You won’t convince me otherwise.