You know what? I’ve neglected this series. And while I’ll probably never actually finish it, I’m not going to be a person who can’t take their cake and eat it (I fucking love cake), I’m going to prove that I’m the sort of person who can poke fun at themselves. Because I can. Also because I’m still holding off on posting those two Skyrim articles I wrote ages ago.
Medic growled as the nemesis emblem appeared over yet another person’s head. It was bad enough knowing she was shit at TF2, she didn’t need it rubbed in, especially from Confusion and Sham being Phlog Pyros. With a second growl, she pulled a sharpened candy cane out of her eye, courtesy of aabicus.
“That’s it, I’m done!” Medic sneered, stomping away. Caldoran tipped his head to one side, unsure what was going on, especially since Medic was playing Demoman for some reason. Either way, Medic had already disconnected and was out of earshot.
“What just happened?” Maxillaws asked.
“Oh, just Medic being Medic…” Sham explained. “Medic has a lot of self-loathing.”
“And an unsightly temper!” Confusion added, as he incinerated a recently team-switched aabicus.
Outside the Fast Co. server, Medic was fuming. She stamped up and down, not wanting to post on SPUF. She was embarrassed more than anything else. For someone so looked-up-upon by fellow SPUFers, she was really not a good example on the battleground. All bark, no bite. She stamped around a bit more, before jumping onto the web. Medic needed to find somewhere else to go.
First stop, teamfortress.tv. Medic had an account there, but she’d only ever lurked. This time was no different. She lurked and lurked, but she wasn’t getting any of it. The majority of it was competitive stuff she was really not interested in. She could see why thesupremecommander, the host of the Daily SPUF, spent 99% of his time there, with his amazingly fast typing fingers. Teamfortress.tv right now seemed too competitive for the deflated doctor.
Leaving the centre of TF2 competition behind, Medic decided to head to Reddit. She’d only been there prior to browse /r/bindingofisaac, which was a genuinely nice community. For some insane reason, Medic, or, as she was known on Reddit, rk0019k, assumed that /r/tf2 would be similar. She was very wrong. There was very little on that particular subreddit. 99% of it was stupid videos or gifs. There was the odd actually useful tip, but it was buried under mountains of jokes and humor. This place was no place for a disgruntled Medic.
There was a second place though. /r/truetf2/. Medic had posted here before as rk0019k but it never went well unless she asked how people’s matches went. She could have done with some tips, but Medic had a wealth of Fortress-based knowledge. She just had what the Robot Devil called stupid fingers. They never did what her brain told them to.
“Okay, let’s move on!’ Medic’s brain suggested, as Medic’s fingers accidentally clicked on a random subreddit. A few more failed clicks later and Medic entered the Steam Powered User Discussions. Or was it Steam Community? Her mind wandered to the SPUF VS SPUD events, which had both ended in disaster, which was obviously going to happen when you invite one of the best Spies on the planet to play against you. She quickly wandered away from that and back to the topic on hand.
As quickly as she entered though, she wanted to leave.
There was nothing but endless spam. It felt like someone had poured a bucket of poorly spelled complaints on Medic’s head. The other sections appeared to only exist for decoration, as content spewed forth into the main category. If there were people with more than 500 hours in this game around here, they’d probably been buried under goodness knows where, or escaped to some little nook or cranny, away from the bellowing ‘front page’. And people really had the nerve to call SPUF bad? Even on its worst days, it was never like THIS. She left as fast as she could, and headed back to SPUF.
Just as she entered her little online hometown, a sharpened candy cane hit her in the eye. Medic simply sighed and went back to getting her ass kicked.