The Daily Medic

The Daily SPUF is getting a makeover. Now we’re the Daily Medic! Medic articles every single day from now on. There’s no other classes, just Medic. Medic Medic Medic. Starting from today, every single article from now on will be about Medic in some way or form, whether it’s about how awesome I am, how awesome I am in reviving a dead body 12 hours after it died, the best way to get black market exotic animal organs or the most amusing syringe gun kills ever. Tomorrow’s article will be about how awesome I’ve been in small amounts of awesomeness and is all 100% true.

Medics only. No other classes are allowed. You want to publish an article here? It needs to be about Medics. If I see a Scout article, whoever wrote it will wake up with syringes all over their body. Not that they’ll see them though, since there’ll be syringes IN THEIR EYES. BWAHAHAAHA! Soldier articles will be punished by having Cow Manglers fired at offending authors, Sniper articles will get their authors shot in the head, Demoman article writers will be thrown off cliffs and if anyone thinks they can play smart and write about the Spy, well, they’ll be finding themselves becoming invisible permanently. People pondering on publishing Pyro articles will be publicly picked off by pundits using crossbows and way too much alliteration.

Not only that, but I’m also changing how this site looks. It needs to be more Medic-y. You can never have too much Medic stuff around here. I’ve made the background on this site much more Medic-y, with plenty of Medical crosses, repeating both X and Y. They’re all in red, even though I’m loyal to both sides, especially since Gray is still running around with his lame robots. Funny how he always sends them out in nice, manageable waves. Very kind of him.

We’ll also be featuring a gallery in which we painfully and brutally torture anyone who pisses off a Medic. What’s that? A Scout took a health kit while you were on fire? A Soldier purposefully tried to rocket jump you off a cliff? A Heavy fed his sandvich to an enemy Spy? Tell the Daily Medic and we’ll find a way to hunt them down and bring them to Medicy justice. You can also suggest a method of torture, if you wish. All body parts will be donated to the Medic Militia, to be experimented on and put to actual good use. Unless they’re Scout parts. We’ve got enough of them.

Oh and the tags section has been replaced. We won’t be needing it any more since every article is going to be about me and Medics in general. So I’ve just replaced it with the word Medic over and over and over. Not like anyone actually used it anyway, plus Medic is one of the biggest tags here.

Also, today is my 24th(!) birthday and you should all totally buy me stuff* and tell me how awesome I am and how much you like the brand new Daily Medic. I’ll be playing MvM and be on my Discord server, so feel free to hit me up and join me in my MvMing.

*No, don’t. Please. I’ll feel bad.