Yes, that title is stupid, yes, that is what I am about to do. I play Pyro a little, but I can’t say that I am a Pyro main. Then again, neither can the TF Team. But don’t worry, I’m not going to do anything dumb.
Pyro’s base speed and health are fine. He’s supposed to be in the middle, and since every other >150hp class runs slower than 100% move speed, I don’t see why Pyro should get any more mobility, running-wise. The main changes here are to how his weaponry should work.
Pyro keeps his afterburn immunity but loses the heal-stopping ability on his afterburn, because that’s a lame mechanic. Instead, afterburn takes longer to put out, increasing in damage over time (starting at 3 damage and ramping up to 9 damage per tick thing). As damage increases, so does your flinching, and accuracy is decreased.
Damage is dealt via a long, thin, cone, which deals more damage the closer to the Pyro a victim is. The system no longer relies on individual fire particles. Pyro gets a range buff, but needs to be a lot more accurate with his flamethrower to make the most of it. The visual representation of flamethrowers actually matches what is doing damage now.
Airblast is completely reworked. Currently Airblast does this weird thing where you always get pushed back in a weird way and you can’t surf out of it or anything. New airblast would keep any and all momentum and pushes in the direction Pyro is aiming. Airblast a Scout jumping away from you and he goes flying. Airblast a Heavy running towards you, the effect is nowhere near as impressive. Classes will be able to surf away from Airblast as it acts like more a damage-less explosion. Again, the area of effect is a tighter cone, but only for classes – Pyro’s area of effect for projeciles is slightly larger and more obvious. Pyros will make better use of this new airblast indoors, pushing people into corners.
All Flare Guns now have the ability to launch Pyros by firing a projectile at the ground and jumping. The Detonator will keep its alt-fire and has the upside of dealing less self-damage with more control on explosions, in exchange for little to no afterburn on enemies. The Scorch Shot gets better knockback (that works on giant robots again!) in exchange for a slower reload time to stop people spamming the Scorch Shot down choke points. The Flare Gun remains as it is but has increased self-damage on jumps.
The Shotgun for Pyro now has an alt-fire that gives him a tiny weeny boost in height when jumping, akin to the height difference between a jump and a crouchjump. The alt-fire costs 3 ammo. The Reserve Shooter is removed from the Pyro and replaced with the Righteous Bison.
The Backscratcher and the Powerjack are alright. The Homewrecker no longer removes sappers in one hit, it now takes three hits, but it also gains a 25% damage resistance against sentries when active. The Sharpened Volcano Fragment now has an alt-fire that fires a ball of flame that leaves fire on the ground and damages enemies that walk through it. The Neon Annihilator allows you to breathe underwater. The Axtinguisher now fully crits on burning targets, does 50% less damage against non-burning enemies but has shorter range than other melees. All melees now deal less damage than the stock Fire Axe.
The Phlogistinator’s MMMPH has been removed and replaced with airblast and an ammo-sucking mechanic. Rather than reflecting projectiles, you absorb them and release them later in a controlled explosion, once you have filled up a bar (by pressing Reload). The Backburner’s area of effect has been increased to 120 degrees. The Degreaser no longer deals afterburn at all but has a faster switch speed.
Well, I don’t know, but ideas can include a weapon that drops oil on the ground for people to slip on, a shotgun that shoots fire, a secondary that can be thrown to leave puddles of fire and perhaps a lightningthrower.
Of course, this all may seem ludicrous, but when Pyro’s update comes out, maybe we’ll look back on this and think that Medic’s ideas weren’t so bad after all.