Stupid Sexy Skyrim

You’ve all seen them. The sexy Skyrim mods. The skimpy armour sets, the big-breasted character presets, the mods that make everyone nude and attractive, the hundreds upon thousands of sexy female succubus followers that also wear skimpy armour, are super overpowered and are also big-breasted and naked when they (or you) remove their clothes. Well, most people only see the skimpy armour and sexy followers on the Steam Workshop, but anyone who knows how to really mod knows that all the best mods are on the Skyrim section of Nexus Mods.

This is with Nudity and Adult Content turned off...
This is with Nudity and Adult Content turned off. While Familiar Faces and Spouses can live Anywhere are really good, I have no idea why Inigo isn’t here. (Actually that’s because Inigo is in a different category. But you should look that up. Awesome follower.)

Look deeper, and there’s even more sexy stuff. Mods to get people to remove their clothes. A mod that makes everyone naked. A mod that gives males penises. Mods that add houses filled with sexy bimbos. Mods that add… You get the picture. Look too deep and you’ll bump into mods like Amorous Affairs (with both clean and NSFW versions), the insanely complicated and often not there OSEX and the weird standalone mod known as Animated Prostitution. Which does what it says and lets you genuinely play as a prostitute. If you’re female. Pah, sexist mod.

But go deeper than that, and you find yourself no longer on Nexus Mods. You find yourself somewhere else. Well, actually, if you’re on /r/skyrimmods, you probably did what I did and clicked the link to Lovers Lab, thinking “how bad can it be?”

For obvious reasons, this image will be as bad as it gets. But seriously, if you're put off by a badly textured Argonian butt, I'm amazed you got this far.
For obvious reasons, this image will be as bad as it gets. But seriously, if you’re put off by a badly textured Argonian butt, I’m amazed you got this far.

Turns out, it’s pretty bad.

Actually, bad is the wrong word. If you’re not into sexy stuff, then yes, it’s bad, But people need to get their socks off occasionally and enjoy themselves, and if they’ve turned Skyrim (or Fallout 3/NV or whatever) into a sex simulator, then what’s wrong with that? It’s no different from watching normal porn, or hentai or anything like that. So don’t judge.

As for me, I’ve always considered myself a cat in human form, and curiosity got me. I had to try this. It seemed so silly. In fact, Lover Labs is actually somewhat tasteful. The content, not so much, but the layout is rather… I don’t know. I expected to see tits everywhere or something, but it’s all a calm black, with most things tastefully hidden away in spoilers.

Either way, there’s a lot of stuff involved just to get Sex Lab, the basic system for Skyrim, working. You need a ton of things – Skyrim Script Extender, FNIS (which deals with animations), a recommended set of custom skeletons, nude mods (obviously), Sex Lab itself and mods to actually start the act. You also need a hardy computer, because Skyrim hates scripts, and Sex Lab and all its mods often require a ton of them. So if your computer is slow, well, uh, nothing ever seems to happen.

Yeah, basically, I could never get it to work. The one time it did, I assume script lag was behind it because the two people essentially teleported into each other and started dry-humping because I didn’t have a nude male mod. Never occurred to me. Not even simple sexy catwalk animations seemed to work.

My inability to install mods aside, if you can get it working, there’s something for pretty much everyone on Lovers Lab. And it’s all indexed and neatly ordered and so on. Everything from demons and vampires to gigantic sex dens to fully fleshed out quests to entire gameplay overhauls designed to make you stronger whenever you fuck something, to full on tentacle porn and, uh, bestiality.

But it’s not disgusting. Well, it kinda is. But it’s also impressive in its own weird way. The amount of work that goes into making these. Some strange person has to sit there and make these animations. And make noises for them. And add special effects and all that. And somehow get all of that into a game that is well known to be a buggy pile of bugs. And apparently making it workable to the point that these mods have thousands of downloads. And people using them.

These mods just aren’t for me though. Just not my cup of tea. I’m busy turning Skyrim into a dragon simulator. Which is way more fun and much easier to do, amusingly.

Here's a dragon, to make everything better.
Here’s a dragon, to make everything better.

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