I’m angry, so I’m writing an angry article about angry things! Rargh! Today’s rant of anger is directed at fricking stupid Warframe enemies I’m sure that most people probably hate. But for you readers, here’s a way to learn about them without tearing your hair out in horror.
At number 10, we have Nullifiers. Nullifiers are Corpus enemies, weak mooks wearing stupid suits with corkscrew-like generators on their backs. These bastards produce a large, glowing shield (blue for normal Corpus, gold for Corrupted Corpus). This shield not only blocks bullets, but if your Warframe touches said shield, it will instantly cancel your active abilities. It also destroys things like Frost’s Snow Globe shields and Loki’s decoys. Instantly. Luckily, an automatic weapon will make short work of a Nullifier’s shield, and you can always dive into the shield, lose your abilities but swiftly melee a Nullifier to death, but that means wasting precious energy recasting abilities. Fuck that.
Kuva Guardians come in at number 9. Normally I wouldn’t mind enemies with invulnerability phases, but to kill a Kuva Guardian, you have to leave the safety of your super powerful space ninja, turn into a stupid space kid and dash into the gigantic, staff-carrying maniac and knock their melee weapon out of their hands before you can kill them with normal weaponry. No problem on a low level mission, but how the hell do you do that in a level 100 mission? Not to mention that Kuva Guardian attacks will destroy most non-tanky space ninjas, let alone your stupid little 100-health space kids. Fuck these guys.
Shield Dargyns are our entry for number 8, and are the only Archwing enemy on this list. These flying, green blobs are just like all the other flying blobs that make up the Grineer’s Archwing enemies, but these bastards have shields directly in front of them that block all damage. Basically, Volt’s Electric Shield but with zero energy costs and indestructible. You have to attack Shield Dargyns from the side, but good luck with that, these guys always try to directly face you and most people with their default pea-shooter Archwing Guns do fuck all. You either out-fly them or fly into them and melee them to death.
At number 7, we have doors. Or, to be precise, doors at high latency. Heavens forbid the host has bad internet connection. Even a small hiccup in connection means that doors will often refuse to open. And considering just how many doors there ARE in almost all missions, good fucking luck getting to extraction. As a bonus irritation, our bouncy space ninjas have a habit of jumping and landing on those super narrow door frames, rather than landing in the doorways themselves. Bastards.
Ancient Healers come in at number 6. These piles of… I don’t even know what they are. Lumps of some sort. With some sort of wheel on their back? Either way, these fuckers lumber around, somehow throwing hooks that grab you and drag you close. Fine. You can deal with that. What sucks about these bastards is their gigantic auras which give them and nearby allies a fucking huge 90% damage reduction, as well as making them immune to special effects like knock downs. Put them together with friends like Toxic Ancients and Ancient Disruptors, they make killing Infested a chore.
At number 5, we’ve got what really should remain part of the scenery. Ramparts are mountable machine guns that appear in Grineer bases (and infested Grineer variants). The average player can get in and mount one of these guns, but they’re not that good. In the hands of an NPC, they will fucking shred you to death in seconds. I still think back in horror to my early Warframe days where I watched my entire team get mowed down by a single Rampart, and my squishy Volt could do fuck all to help them. I hate these bastards to the point that if I’m doing a defense mission, I will destroy them before the Grineer can even attempt to use them.
Coming in at a strong number 4 is a commonly hated enemy, the Scorch,and his big brother, the Napalm. These flamethrower-using bastards can kill you through walls with ease. That may be hypocritical coming from someone who uses the Ignis most of the time, but I have to actually put effort into my fricking aim. These bastards on the other hand mostly hit you by accident, and because of their damage scaling depending on level, they will quickly kill you too.
Sapping Ospreys are third on this list. Ospreys in general are pretty dumb enemies, flying around like stupid flying things. But Sapping ones drop hard-to-see mines that, as the name suggests, sap your shields. Very quickly, I might add. Of course, one might think to just jump over these blue mines, but noooo, the Sapping Osprey’s mines have height as well, and you’ll still manage to get yourself hurt by one. Oh and at high levels, they’ll probably destroy your Sentinel as well. Heavens forbid you meet one in a cramped corridor.
Somehow managing to beat the Sapping Osprey is a more generic group of enemies at number 2. Parasitic Eximi are special units that appear at random, replacing a normal enemy. These fuckers will drain your energy at an alarming rate. In a huge aura that would make an Ancient Healer proud. They don’t do anything WITH your stolen energy, nope, they just suck it away because they’re massive cunts. One minute you have full energy, the next minute some Parasitic Eximus Charger somewhere in a 10m radius from you is nomming on your energy and you’ve got to run around like an idiot to find this fucker. Fuck any and all Parasitici Eximus units.
Finally, in at number 1 is the fucking horrible mutant that is the Mutalist Osprey. This mutated, infested former Corpus unit is a right fucking bastard. Not only do they drop Infested Crawlers all over the place, but these fuckers will dash around, leaving fucking huge fart clouds of instant death floating around. But before they do that, they are fucking impossible to see, blending in on darker environments. These clouds are made of Toxin, which means they immediately eat into your health, bypassing your shields and often leaving you for dead in the middle of somewhere completely inaccessible to team mates. Oh and those clouds can take a pretty long time to despawn.
Fucking Mutalist Ospreys. Ugly fucking half-mutant half-machine douche bags. Fuck the lot of them.