A Silly Thing About Butts

One thing I never understood about Warframe was why some characters have such obvious boobs and butts. Obvious and amazing. But also kinda weird, considering you’re space ninjas mowing everyone down, and there’s never an opportunity to woo an unlucky Corpus general with your well-toned, sexy looks. Heck, every enemy in Warframe is an ugly as fuck clone, an ugly as fuck genetically bred slave or an ugly as fuck monstrosity made from the combination of the former. Who are current Warframes wooing with these good looks?

Stupid Sexy Mirage
Stupid Sexy Mirage

I suppose back in the old days of Warframe, before all the weird lore involving kids, everyone just assumed there were people inside those suits. Or something. Many of the original Warframes have incredibly human looks and proportions, so it made sense to think of the Warframes as suits of armour, rather than fully fledged metal puppets. And with people inside them, that means that you have to squeeze tits and asses into your armour as well.

But as newer warframes come out, they don’t really match standard human proportions at all. Especially Octavia. Octavia’s arms and legs are basically sticks, and she’s completely free from the idea of being some super strong person in a super strong suit.

Really, Warframes don’t need to be human at all. They just need to be vaguely humanoid to get the job done. And even then, the Tenno aren’t really controlling the Warframes, more just guiding them around. The way everything is implied in the lore, it’s not so much that Warframes are puppets on Tenno strings, but intelligent, bio-mechanical AI that does as the Tenno tells it to. While a humanoid form does make it easier for a Tenno to relate to their Warframe, that’s not exactly required. Especially when characters like Chroma only look vaguely human and characters like Nidus look absolutely grotesque.

Stupid Sexy Ember
Stupid Sexy Ember

Still, some Warframes still have amazingly good butts and boobs. Excalibur, the fan favourite and the poster child of Warframe, has a nice butt and his female counterpart, Nyx, has both a nice butt and nice boobs. Saryn has amazing boobs. Valkyr is better known for her booty. Ember has both.

Other frames aren’t completely free from the obvious sexiness. While they might not have obvious boobs and round asses, they still have excellent physiques, as a space ninja should. And if you take off their frilly skirts, Warframes like Trinity have nice butts underneath their weird attire. Well, some of them do. Volt seems to have no butt what so ever, but he, Nidus and Rhino make up for it with their enormous codpieces. Inaros though seems to have a handle or a fancy cup holder for a codpiece, perhaps as a warning to those who grab their crotches too much.

Deluxe skins are also incredibly sexy. Underneath his butterfly skirt, Feyarch Oberon has the nicest butt in Warframe. Just look at the Harka skin for Frost. Look at those muscles.

Stupid Sexy Frost
Stupid Sexy Frost

Look at them!

You need some sexiness though. People need something they can relate to, and almost everyone can relate to a nice butt and a nice pair of breasts. In a game where everyone else is ugly as fuck, you need some eye candy to look at, and you don’t want to be ugly yourself. Players want to be sexy warriors.

But on top of that, it’s almost required with the current Warframe lore. Your persona in-game is a teenager, someone who may be hundreds or even thousands of years old, but they are still incredibly young. You’re playing as a child controlling a suit of death and destruction. You can’t make children sexy, that’s just creepy. So we have sexy Warframes to make up for that. They may look cold and emotionless but at least you can look at them and not wince.

Which is fine when it’s just boobs and butts and sexy physiques. Boobs and butts should be acceptable everywhere. But rule 34 Warframe stuff is still a tad weird. It’s mostly futa from what I’ve unfortunately stumbled across. Girl Warframes with dicks. But kudos to the person who came up with the name of the R34 Warframe subreddit.

NSFWarframe? Yes, it’s very not safe for Warframes. That’s a brilliant name.

"Um, Titania, I can see your hoohah... It's not alluring at all..."
“Um, Titania, I can see your hoohah… It’s not alluring at all…”

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