Stupid Tips for Pokemon Go’s GBL

It’s pretty clear to me that I’m not the only person who hates the GBL. The handful of articles I’ve written about the Go Battle League constantly pop up with more views than average. In fact, my article about giving up on the GBL completely is one of the more highly-commented and viewed articles on the site.

But enough negativity. the GBL is here to stay, so we might as well try and get something from it.

Suck it up and use the same fucking meta all the fucking time.

Just use meta Pokemon. Get yourself an Azumaril, get yourself a stupid Altaria, get yourself a Registeel. Get them to 1500-ish CP and use them. Altaria and Azumaril at the very least have cheap second moves, and Registeel just needs Lock On and whatever charge move you like the look of. Alternatively, grab a Skarmory and not worry yourself.

In Ultra League and Master League, you’ll need a Giratina and/or a Dialga, but Swampert is a pretty cheap, spammy Pokemon that will ruin a lot of people’s days. And feel free to use ‘Stompy’ Altered Form Giratina. It’s a tanky, spammy bastard that just throws tons of charge attacks at people.

Even if you’re not trying to win, this setup will frankly deal with most of the crap you will encounter.

Marill and Pokemon of the Master League
Marill and Pokemon of the Master League

Stall your matches as long as possible.

If you’re going to suffer, you might as well make everyone else suffer as well. And you can do this by taking the bulkiest Pokemon possible. Screw actually dealing damage, you just want to draw the game out. Just use super tanky Pokemon and don’t worry about it. Sort your Pokemon by HP and have fun. You can also add to the misery by spamming moves like Muddy Water, Mirror Shot or Omnious Wind, which have a chance to decrease enemy attacks or increase your own defense.

Fun fact: Shuckle is actually surprisingly tanky, to the point that a non-charm-using Gardevoir had genuine trouble dealing with it.

100% IVs Shuckle
100% IVs Shuckle

Just Lose!

Here’s a suggestion: don’t bother going for any rewards. Use CP10 Pokemon and lose every match. That seems pointless at first, but fuck it, GBL isn’t enjoyable anyway. But even if you lose literally every single match ever, you actually still get some stardust. You can use this opportunity to flex with some of your low CP shinies that would otherwise never be seen.

That being said, it is worth winning one match in 5. Simply because that means you only need to do 5 matches to get your stardust before starting a new set. We don’t want to be playing GBL at all, so having to play 15 matches to start a new set will be awful.

What’s sad is that intentionally losing is actually a legitimate strategy used by some players. The idea is to intentionally lower your rank so you can get some free wins and encounters later on. This sucks ass and is frankly retarded. But if you’re just losing to get stardust rather than to game the ranking system, then more power to you.

Pokemon with party hats
Pokemon with party hats

Don’t play.

Simple. Just don’t play. Don’t even touch the GBL. The only reason you might want to even consider touching the battle screen is to set up squads for raids. Or maybe do training fights with Candela, Spark and Ice Bitch Lady for that easy Battle With your Buddy task. Otherwise, you shouldn’t touch the Battle screen at all.

Just ignore it. It’s not worth the stress.

This is actually my tactic, and I feel a billion times better for doing so. Yeah, sure, I won’t get any of the Pokemon from rewards. Sure, I don’t get any stardust. But I get to be happy. I am free to spend my time doing things that are way, way more fun.

Medic

Also known as Doctor Retvik Von Schreibtviel, Medic writes 50% of all the articles on the Daily SPUF. A dedicated Medic main in Team Fortress 2 and an avid speedster in Warframe, Medic has the unique skill of writing 500 words about very little in a very short space of time.

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