Ow My Finger

I’m in one of those moods today. One where everything isn’t quite right. There are days where everything feels slightly wrong, and you keep on messing up little things. Sure, the little things aren’t your fault. Some things just go wrong on their own. However, every little fuck up makes you reconsider your humanity and you just feel like everything is bad and horrible. It’s super easy to just get more and more annoyed, and more problems just pile up, making one want to cry.

In fact, the smallest thing could set me off at any moment.

Except, well, something already set me off.

I cut my finger. Bloody hurt. I was cutting a slice of an over-baked cookie in a glass dish and slipped, nicking my left index finger. The pain wasn’t what made me cry though. I hesitated and burst into tears, annoyed at myself for being unable to do a basic thing like cutting a cookie. I shouldn’t have cut myself, I should have been more careful, I should have used a sharp knife, all that usual self-hatred.

Then I noticed my finger was bleeding. While still crying, I bandaged up my finger and then went back to the cookie, sniffling. And totally not realizing just how much of a pain it is having a bandage on my finger.

It’s super hard to type.

At first, I thought my bandaged finger would be a minor nuisance. Turns out though I use my left index finger a lot while writing and working. Off my computer, I do pretty much everything right-handed, except for driving. On my computer though, I am, well, pressing a lot of buttons. I can’t type the traditional fast way but I do use more than one finger and I certainly don’t do the slow one-finger typing. My left hand index finger though does a lot of the pressing of the DFGT keys. Typing out my daily 500 words has gone from a challenge to a genuine pain. Not because my finger hurts, but because my injuries take forever to heal, and I’m gonna have this cut on my finger for a while.

It’s even more of a pain in the ass when gaming. I use my left index finger to move right, as it’s normally sat on the F key. Meleeing in Warframe and using my inventory in Minecraft are going to very tedious for a while.

Suppose I should mention something related to video games in here too.

This whole mess kinda reminds me of the game Fingered. Made by the same lunatics behind the Binding of Isaac, Fingered is a simple game where you have a bunch of clues and have to guess who did it. It’s done in that similar, thick-outlined cartoony art style, and has a very simple gameplay loop. All you have to do is use logic to finger the perpetrator.

The game didn’t keep me hooked for very long, but I have the attention span of a gnat. For a simple logic-based puzzle game, it’s definitely good enough. Also throws a handful of curve balls later on, so there’s a little challenge too.

But anyway, my finger hurts.

And it’s a pain in the ass to type. My fingers are cold too, but that’s because it’s winter.

Really though, I’m just tired and pissed off. It’s just one of those annoying days that always suck. And it’s hard to not think that every day since January 2020 has been like this…