I have decided to name every single story post, apart from SPUF of the Dead, starting with the title “A Particularly…” so don’t complain.
“Naaaaoow I only waaaant you gooone…”
Soothing music seeped its way out of the small, battered radio. It was the latest hit apparently, and only now had Sniper managed to catch up and have a listen. What with him being a mercenary and all that, he’d barely had time to button up his shirt, let alone stop for a bit and relax.
The enemy hadn’t been much luckier. There seemed to be more of them every day, as if they’d somehow created more copies of themselves. So much for the Mercenary Count law. There must have been at least thirty of those enemy mercs hiding across the bridge. But since it was a national holiday of some sort (National ‘Stupid Pointless Unicorn Feeding’ Day or something…) they all had a night to themselves. Some time to finally chill out.
Speaking of chilling out, Sniper felt nippy, but he’d long ago finished his flask of coffee. He could have popped downstairs to the kitchen, but Soldier and Demoman were having one of their weekly drinking and gambling matches. Sniper didn’t want to get sucked in to that again.
The floor creaked behind him. Instinctively, Sniper grabbed his oversized kukri. Way too many Spies had been murdered with that bloodied blade.
“Careful, partner! It’s only lil ol’ me!”
Sniper grunted. “Drop the disguise, Spy.”
With a hiss, a puff of smoke and a paper mask, Spy appeared before him. He had two cigarettes on him, one in his mouth and one in his hand, which he offered to Sniper. Sniper nodded and accepted, and Spy lit the cigarette with a match. Sniper noticed that there was a picture of a woman on the matchbox.
“All alone again, Sniper? I don’t blame you. What with the people with brains being occupied and all.” Spy’s attempt at conversation wasn’t exactly riveting. After an uneasy silence, Spy started fiddling with his butterfly knife, while Sniper peered down below, at the bridge that separated them from the enemy base. In the dark, Sniper spotted Scout darting around. Behind him was a rather angry-looking enemy Soldier.
Spy had spotted this too and had drawn his revolver. Sniper shook his head and grabbed his rifle, finishing the Soldier in a single blow.
“Take it easy, mate!” Sniper shouted down to Scout. “We ain’t supposed to be working right now!”
“Yeah… Thanks…” Scout replied, before disappearing inside their own base.
“Stupid child, wandering off like that. I’m amazed the little virgin hasn’t killed himself yet…” Spy tutted.
Downstairs, in the depths of the base, Engineer was working hard, drawing up plans for new buildings and rummaging through bins of broken and spare parts. Pyro on the other hand was quite happy just to watch. Apart from the sound of moving metal, there was little conversation around. That was until Heavy knocked on the door.
“Is little Engineer busy?”
Engineer nodded. “Yeah, but ya’ll can come in, ya know. Ain’t no private place ‘ere, lad.”
Heavy tiptoed in, trying to avoid the scrap metal all over the floor. “Doktor is busy now. Little baby Scout went out. Is injured.”
“Mmmph?” Pyro asked.
“Da. Went alone. Sniper helped baby Scout.”
Tutting and shaking his head, Engineer threw away a large clump of tangled coils, before giving up and putting away his plans. “Silly kid, ain’t ‘e? And Ah guess ol’Sawbone’s fixing ‘im up?”
“Da… Doktor wanted room to himself.”
The infirmary wasn’t really as well equipped as Medic would have liked. But it was the cleanest room in the base. And it was connected to a safe room with a lock, in which Medic could store medicine, chemicals and his apparatus. After washing his hands thoroughly and making sure that Archimedes wasn’t present, he entered the room, where Scout was already seated on the table.
“Yo, doc. I’m hungry.” That was the third time Scout had said that. Medic donned his procedure mask and started examining Scout. On his neck was a fairly large wound. It had stopped bleeding though, which confused Medic immensely. Surely with a wound like that, Scout would have quickly bled out.
“Vhat happened, how did you get zhis wound?”
“I was just mindin’ my own business, doc, when I decided t’go see what those nincowpoops were up to. And, like, there are loadsa them!”
Medic listened as Scout described what happened, how he’d not seen much activity, how one was wandering around outside and that Scout had annoyed them enough to make them bite him.
Wait, Medic thought as he placed his fingers on Scout’s wrist to check his pulse. “He bit you?”
“Yeah, man! Darn hurt as well! But it stopped hurtin’ when I got back here!”
“What, man, you don’t believe me? And doc, I’m still hungry. When can I get somethin’ to eat?”
Medic blinked and tried to check Scout’s pulse again, trying several areas. Nothing.
“Doc, ya gonna answer me, man? I’ll eat you if I have to…”
No reply. Medic was perplexed. He’d never had this happen before. Someone conscious and without a pulse. Medic wanted to do more tests, but his trail of thought was interrupted by Scout bashing him around the head with a metal tray.
“Ya know what, doc? I’ma gonna go find some food…” Scout glanced around the room, wondering what to do with Medic’s body. After much thought and pausing to chew on a liver laying on the side by the sink, he spotted the safe room. With inhuman strength, Scout picked the unconscious Medic up and chucked him into the safe room, closing the door behind him.
The kitchen looked like a bomb had gone off in there. As usual. Cluttering the floor were far too many bottles of whiskey and beer. The refrigerator, to Scout’s dismay, was empty aside from a large, raw steak. Hunger nipping at his heels, Scout decided to eat the raw steak anyway. Amazingly, it tasted really nice.
“What are you *hic* doing in here, son?” Soldier was lying behind an upturned table, hiccuping away merrily.
“Ain’t it obvious man? I’m hungry.”
Demoman, who was hiding in one of the cupboards somehow, threw an empty bottle in Scout’s direction. This greatly angered Scout.
“Man! All I want is some food! And you guys ain’t giving me ANY respect!”
“That’s because you don’t deserve any, soldier! Prove yourself in *hic* battle, and we’ll *hic* reward you all you want, boy!” Soldier replied, slurring his words. Demoman muttered something too, but whatever he said, it was blurred out by the sound of an alarm.
“An attack? At this hour?” Soldier grunted.
Engineer’s voice blared out of the speakers. “We got ourselves a problem here, boys! We either got a Spai or Scout’s gone turned traitor on us!”
With a scowl, Scout started running, kicking bottles across the floor. He leaped towards Soldier, who pushed the upturned table at him. Using his speed, Scout simply dodged the table and grabbed Soldier by the throat, inhuman strength on display once more. Breaking a table leg in his spare hand, Scout held it high above Soldier’s head, ready to bash his brains out.
“Ya dumb moron… No one can beat m…”
“Shure aboot that, boyo?”
Scout collapsed on a shower of shattered glass. Behind him stood Demoman, broken bottle in hand. Heavy, Pyro and Engineer appeared in the doorway, all looking very confused.
“What happened?” Heavy asked.
“This damn boy attacked me!” Soldier bellowed.
“And Ay bashed ‘is brains out with me bottle!” Demoman continued. “‘E went ‘n’ ate a whole raw steak!”
Engineer scratched his head. “Darn. Maybe Doc was right? Maybe Scout here IS a zombie?”
“We kill little zombie Scout now?” Heavy also scratched his head. “He respawn on Monday when machines get turned back on?”
Before anyone could answer, Pyro shot Scout’s head with his shotgun. Soldier and Demoman both applauded, but Engineer was not amused.
“Where’s tha otha guys?” Demoman suddenly that there were… Eight mercs.
“We lock Medic in resupply room. Scout hit Medic on head. Is sleeping. Is safe in there.” Heavy explained. “Unsure where Sniper and tiny baby sneaky Spy are. Engineer and Doktor think Scout was zombie and could be more.”
Back on the balcony, Sniper and Spy had been sitting in silence for a very long time. After getting bored, Sniper started peering into his scope examining the enemy base. He’d quickly spotted movement on the opposite balcony, where two Soldiers, a Scout and a Medic were all pushing each other around. The enemy Medic had jumped onto the bridge and disappeared from view.
As Sniper continued to watch, he realised that the two Soldiers were attacking the Scout. He blinked and checked that Spy was still standing next to him, then peered back into his scope. The Scout was no longer moving. And the Soldiers were…
“Sniper, what are they doing?”
Sniper didn’t respond. Instead, he simply fired, killing one of the Soldiers.
“Help! Bitte! Help! Zombies!” The enemy Medic raced across the bridge, screaming, before disappearing again, forgetting where he was and plunging off the bridge into the murky water below.
“Poor quack…” Spy sighed. Sniper still didn’t say anything, and took his hat off with respect. “But Sniper… What did you see?”
“They… They were eating that Scout… Hang on…” Sniper stopped and peered into his scope once more.
Engineer and Pyro were having a silent argument concerning what happened with Scout when they were interrupted by Soldier.
“Smart guy, I got a question for your Canadian backside.”
Pyro nodded his head, ready to listen. Engineer groaned, expecting Soldier’s fifth idiotic statement of the evening.
“Okay, us geniuses managed to stop Scout. But what if the enemy have the same problem?”
Everyone blinked. Engineer was thrown back, amazed that Soldier had finally said something smart. That was his first smart suggestion since that silly mess between Soldiers and Demomen.
“Darn, boy, you might be…”
“Ahem, gentlemen?” Spy’s voice popped up over the speakers. “What’s the alarm for flesh-eating zombie attack heading your way?”
With a gasp, the three mercenaries ran up towards the main entrance, where Demoman and Heavy were desperately trying to barricade and hold the large steel doors shut. Through holes in the door, Soldier swore he could see green flesh on the other side.
Demoman grinned as he spotted Soldier. “Get over here, lad! Come hold this door while I get me stickies ready!” Soldier switched places with Demoman, helping Heavy to keep the door shut. Engineer grabbed a pile of metal and quickly constructed a sentry, while Pyro readied his shotgun.
“Mmmph mmmph mmmmph mmmmmph!” Pyro shouted, pointing upstairs.
“Pyro’s right, we need t’lock a place down and guard it!” Engineer replied as he decided not to waste metal on a stronger sentry. “How many of them are there?”
“Lots!” Heavy growled. “We go to Engineer’s room. Can defend from there!”
Demoman grinned, having finished deploying his stickies. “Alright, lads! Time t’get ootta here!”
The mercenaries darted away as the horde outside started bashing through the door. Demoman counted to three then detonated, coating the main entrance with decomposing blood. Although a good seven or eight… Things… Had been blown to bits, the horde of monsters was still pushing forward.
“C’mon, you skirt-wearing hippy!” Soldier shouted as Demoman caught up. “A mutant maggot could move faster than.. OOPH!”
Soldier hit the ground like a sack of potatoes. His helmet flew off, sliding along the ground. Something cracked. Demoman tried to help Soldier to his feet, but the second he tried to put weight on his leg, Soldier screamed out in pain. Behind them, zombies were starting to appear and catch up.
“Go, son. I’ll stay here…” Soldier muttered.
“Wha? I’m not leaving ya behind, lass!” Demoman did not like where this conversation was heading. And those zombies were starting to get awfully close. “I ain’t…”
“MOOOOVE!” Soldier demanded, growling.
Demoman sighed, a tear brewing in his eye. “At least… At least take this…” He handed Soldier his sticky launcher.
“See ya on Monday, son!” Soldier shouted as the zombies approached.
Demoman turned and started to run, before slowly coming to a halt. Ugly thoughts ran through his mind. Grabbing his bottle, he spun around, staring at Soldier. With a cry, he charged forward, bottle in hand.
On top of the balcony, things were starting to get ugly. The zombies were climbing up, pushing Sniper and Spy back. And for two people who relied on not being the centre of attention, that was a bad thing. They’d heard Heavy’s cries to get to Engineer’s garage lab room, they just had a little bit of a problem getting there. Hence they were still stuck on the balcony. Two men against a horde of monsters.
“Merde! They’re getting closer!”
“Duh, Spy, I think I noticed… Thirteen…”
“We can’t do this forever, imbecile. We’ll run out of ammo at some point!”
Sniper thwacked a zombie on the head before kicking it off the balcony. “I know, mate. Fourteen. We need to get out of here, but… Fifteen…”
Spy blinked, shot a zombie through the chest then blinked again. “You’re not… Counting how many you’re killing, are you?”
“Yeah, mate. But listen. I’ve been thinking. Sixteen, Seventeen. There’s no way we’re gonna both get outta here. One of us will have to distr….ARGH!”
A zombified Scout headbutted Sniper, making him drop his knife. Spy quickly came to his aid, stabbing the Scout and pulling it away. Sniper staggered to his feet, only to be knocked over by a second Scout.
“I’ll stay!” Spy said calmly, kicking the Scout over and once again freeing Sniper. “Once you’re out of sight, I’ll disguise and escape.”
Sniper climbed back to his feet and grabbed his kukri again. “You sure, mate?”
“Oui. Run, Sniper.”
They had almost made it. Engineer’s room was just ahead. And they were almost out of ammo. Pyro had cried loudly when he heard Demoman’s screams. They’s also heard a scream from the higher levels, but they weren’t sure who it was. Engineer had nearly fallen behind himself, after a rogue zombie managed to grab him.
As they reached the door, Engineer darted forward to unlock it while Heavy and Pyro kept an eye out for zombies. Once they were inside, Engineer set up two sentries and locked the door.
“We should have brought Doktor here!” Heavy sighed. “Is safer here.”
Pyro nodded. “Mmmph mmmmph mmmmph!”
“Pyro’s right. Doc’s safe up there. We locked that room up tight…” Engineer panted.
Pyro was about to respond when he paused, gazing at Engineer’s leg. “Mmph…”
“Ah know, mate. Ah got bit. Ah’m sorry…” Engineer leaned over to comfort Pyro, who had started to sob. “One of ya… One of ya’s gonna…” He couldn’t speak, tears welling up, his throat tightening. He gripped Pyro tight, wiping a tear from his eyes.
“No, son. Ya don’t have t’do that…” Engineer turned to Heavy. “Will ya?”
Heavy nodded, drawing his shotgun, muttering apologies under his breath. “I hope little Pyro is right about respawn machines…”
Sniper was starting to panic. He had no ammo on him. he’d dropped his kukri. He was running out of places to run. As soon as he was out of Spy’s sight, he’d heard that familiar, blood curdling scream. He was alone for all he knew.
No. He had to get those thoughts out of his head. He needed to get to safety. He needed to… Aha! The resupply room! He could shelter in there! But there was no time to celebrate. The zombies were catching up. They were much closer than Sniper thought.
But the resupply room was just ahead! He’d almost made it! Those heavy, lockable doors would protect him. He could grab some ammo and wait it out. He could…
Sniper slammed head first into the locked door of the resupply room and slumped down on the floor, unconscious. He hadn’t made it.
“Heavy, Pyro? Where is everyone?”
Spy slinked into the room via an air vent, which he quickly closed and barricaded. Scattered around the workshop were multiple sentry guns and dispensers. In the corner rested the fallen body of Engineer. The door was bolted up and blocked by a large piece of machinery. Most of the tools and equipment were pressed against any doors and windows that someone might be able to get through.
Pyro sniffed, wiping imaginary blood off his mask. Heavy just sniffed.
“Are the others…”
Spy sat down next to Pyro and put a comforting arm around his shoulder. “Shame…”
Pyro whimpered. “Mmph mmmmph mmmmph mmhmmmmph…”
“I know, Pyro, I know…” Spy sighed before offering his friends a cigarette each.
Medic woke up, the cold, steel bench no longer suitable for sleeping on. The room was empty, save for the resupply cabinets and the old, battered furniture. The only life in the room apart from Medic was a dead plant sitting on top of their lockers.
Gazing at the clock on the wall, it took a while for Medic to notice that it was Monday morning. Way past time to start work. He wondered where everyone was, trying to remember what had happened the other night. Or was it the night before? Medic wasn’t sure. All Medic could remember was waking up briefly after hearing something slam into the heavy door. But that was it.
Still feeling sleepy, Medic decided to go back to sleep. He never saw the trickle of blood underneath the door…