Mod Showcase: Randomizer

Welcome back to Mod Showcase. Brickinator here. Today’s article is about Randomizer-  a plugin that combines the carefully crafted and immensely intricate balance system of Team Fortress 2 and defecates all over it. Any sort of tactics or strategy you had for each class has now gone out of the window because, in a Randomizer match, everything is down to chance. Using the word ‘chance’ to describe core multiplayer gameplay is like using the words ‘bloody and viscous’ to describe a urine sample, but Randomizer manages to pull it off.

The first thing you need to realise with Randomizer is that winning doesn’t matter anymore. If you try to play it seriously, you’ll get incredibly annoyed by the omnipotent imaginary dice overlords who decide whether or not you’ll get a decent loadout. When you join, you’re assigned a random class and given a random primary, secondary, and melee weapon. If you’re killed- and I assure you, you will be, the dice roll again and your crappy selection you got last time is replaced with one that happens to be worse. Funny that. I always seem to end up with the worst weapons. Damn those dice overlords.

The majority of class-specific abilities are still there. Engineer can still construct buildings but they can only upgrade them if they have an Engineer-specific melee. The basic stats of the classes remain- Scouts still have double jump, Medics have health regeneration and Heavies still have the mobility of a beached whale.

Randomizer’s obvious selling point is in the weird and wonderful combinations you can make. Some are delightful fun while others have all the entertainment value of brushing your teeth with an electric drill. Playing as a Heavy with a Sniper Rifle is cruelty at its worst. You can also guarantee that the enemy will get the best rolls of all; Scout with Rocket Launcher. Scout with Flamethrower. Scout with Minigun. Because I have about as much luck as crow caught in a mangle, the first loadout I got was Ali Baba’s Wee Booties, Darwin’s Danger Shield and the Fan O’War. As Heavy. It was impossible to catch anyone off-guard because I could be seen from a mile away. I stuck out like a tye-dye shirt at a funeral.

It’s pretty buggy too. The viewmodels are often either obstructive, broken or hilarious. The Medic holds many of his guns like the Bonesaw, which is to say that he holds them gangasta style. Aww yeah. Sometimes the players go into reference pose if they’re holding a weapon they can’t animate with. It’s annoying when you have no idea what weapon the opposition has because he’s stretching his arms out to the side and bullets are cascading from his torso.

Because this is a TF2 mod, it also featured a bunch of crap that nobody asked for. Here, we’re treated to a selection of original weapons. Yet another addition to the selection of stuff nobody wants. We’ll slot that right in between superhero films and menstruation. The worst part is that you have no idea what any of these weapons do- you have to try to use them and fail miserably. There’s a  hook thing for climbing walls which is pretty cool and a jarate clone that deals bleed damage, rather erotically named ‘jar of ants’. Mmmm.

Anyway, I’ve wasted too much time playing this mod already. It becomes addicting to see what weird combinations you end up with. I haven’t been outside in weeks. None of my family live here anymore and all of the furniture is gone. I think the authorities had declared me legally dead.