“OH GOD MY EYES!”

CANNOT UNSEE
CANNOT UNSEE

Once upon a time, in a galaxy far far away, a young Medic decided to look for a nice Team Fortress 2 wallpaper for her desktop. But unbeknownst to the little Medic, someone had turned off Safe Search on her search engine. As the scrolling continued, the nasty pictures started appearing. One by one, they corrupted the little Medic’s mind, before driving him completely insane. After much agonizing pain, the Medic screamed, smashed his laptop to bits and went outside for some fresh air.

Alright, that was slightly over-dramatic, but things can happen when that safe search function is turned off. And may I just say, holy Mata Nui, bloody Bahrag, there is a LOT of not safe for work TF2 material out there. Not just hugely violent stuff either. The violent stuff is actually alright because this is a video game where we shoot and maim on a daily basis. The swearing is fine and dandy. That’s the sort of thing you’d expect from a first person shooter, since you’re, well, shooting people. But it is amazingly easy to suddenly find yourself in the realm of the smutty and the lustful.

I’m clearly talking about Team Fortress 2 Rule 34. And heavens above there is a lot of it. Or there might not be a lot of it at all but my inexperienced mind tells me there is. Everything you can think of, there’s a picture for it. Team Fortress 2 fan fiction is bad enough (and I’m guilty to writing TF2 fan fiction) but the fine line between ‘amusing argument between Medic and Heavy’, ‘Heavy and Medic working together’ and ‘Heavy and Medic making out’ is so damn easy to miss. It even jumps out at you unexpectedly, where a seemingly normal story will suddenly turn something to put you off your dinner. Same goes for all the other types of media, especially arty pictures and stuff.

Of course, it’s not just Heavy/Medic pairings. There’s a pairing for everyone. Engineer/Pyro, Sniper/Spy, Demoman/Soldier, the incredibly worrying Spy/Scout… All sorts. Some of the time, these pairings make sense (Engineers often rely on Pyros for help, Heavies make for great pockets and so on) but some are incredibly questionable. Demoman and Soldier could theoretically get a bit too close. Spy and Sniper could have that “I hate you so much I love you” feel to them. But Engineer and Soldier? I can’t see the connection. And Spy/Scout just feels wrong, what with Spy shagging Scout’s mother and that passing thought that Spy may be Scout’s father.

Thing is, all these pairings and romances and sex scenes, they just don’t fit with the lighthearted, cartoony feel of the game. It’s almost as bad as making porn for little kids’ TV shows. But maybe that’s just my opinion. Feel free to write and draw what you like, but I highly recommend keeping your safe search on, or even setting it to strict when it comes to looking up TF2 media.

On the flip side, it’s all incredibly well drawn. The fan fiction, even the clean stuff? Not so much.

 

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