Actually, technically it’s my second, but the other team forfeited in the first week. So Friday the 6th of February was the date. My first ever match. Part of me was nervous. Everyone said I’d be fine. I was fine. Perfectly fine.
The map was koth_stallone. It’s a map set outside a hotel complex near a beach, where the mercenaries fight over a cafe area. Both teams start in the kitchens and work their way out to the sheltered, roofed control point. There are tables and chairs and umbrellas all over the place. And a swimming pool! Unfortunately, reflective textures result in purple checkers, but it’s still a nice map.
It was a home match and Confusion had sorted out the server. Vintage Keith, Sham1 and I derped around for a bit, waiting for the enemy team to show up and for Confusion to fix his stuff. We worked out which route we all wanted to go. The other team slowly started to arrive, we had a quick pizza break (don’t ask) and the match began. We’re on BLU, they’re on RED.
I quickly overheal Confusion and Sham then follow Vintage Keith outside towards the control point. We are presented with your normal bunch of 4v4 classes: Demo/Medic/Soldier and, unusually, Pyro. I head straight for the shelter of the control point with Keith, but the Pyro jumps over and chases us off the point. We back up and Sham gets in there, getting a pick then helping kill the Pyro. The Demoman dies and the three of us head to the point while Confusion fends off the enemy Soldier.
We capture and I heal up Confusion, getting full Kritz. We push towards the enemy spawn. A Scout gets a good shot on me, and I instinctively pop my Kritz. The Scout disappears and Vintage Keith tries to make the most out of my panic pop, while Confusion and Sham head back to the point to deal with the Scout/Medic combo that’s attempting to capture. A crit sticky takes out the enemy Demoman and Soldier while Confusion kills the enemy, leaving the Blutsauger Medic to fend for himself. Cue a good 30 seconds of all four of us trying to kill this one Medic.
With the Medic finally dead, the rest of his team respawns. They’ve gone back to Pyro/Demo/Scout, but the Pyro is repeatedly rendered moot by both my healing and the massive swimming pool in front of the control point. An airblasted rocket hits me and I retreat to get the healthpack under the bridge, but the others just manage to stop RED capturing, as the RED Medic arrives. Unfortunately though I now have full Kritz again. The enemy Medic though is on his own and is killed by Confusion. I get a killstreak of 5 on my Kritzkrieg.
I suggest to Vintage Keith that we put crit stickies on the point, but we’re interrupted from a charge from RED, trying to pincer-move us. The Pyro comes from the pool but gets killed by a crit sticky, but I take both minigun damage and fire damage, forcing me to retreat into the water. RED have switched their Medic for a Heavy in an attempt to out-damage us. We lose Confusion but get take out three of them.
I heal everyone up, just as a Demoknight charges forward and slices me in the back. I panic and back off, racing round the outside of the control point, while Vintage Keith takes out the Demoknight with stickies. I very nearly die, dropping down to 22 health, but a trip to the big health kit and the appearance of Sham saves my life.
Confusion seems to have disappeared, but RED now have a Sniper on the control point. They’re back and they’re angry, and I take a rocket to the face while trying to get out of the Sniper’s sights. Sham and Vintage Keith are darting all over the point, and just as I heal up, I take a cleaver to the face. The Soldier and Sniper are both killed by Vintage Keith, with Sham finishing off the Scout.
Low on health, I pop my Kritz and Vintage Keith gets a crit hit on the Scout before having to deal with a charging Demoknight, while I panic and run away to get health. I return to see the glory of Vintage Keith Paintraining the Demoknight, with 30 health to spare.
Unfortunately, I die, my first death, with 15 seconds left on the clock, taking a rocket to the face. RED push in to capture, but Sham and Confusion save the day, winning us the first round. Somehow, Confusion manages to win the match from beyond the grave…
Round two starts and we roll out in the same way, me overhealing Confusion then sticking with Vintage Keith. RED have decided to run a Heavy, and Vintage Keith and I take a lot of damage before killing him, earning me a domination. A Pyro flames us, and the enemy Soldier takes out both Vintage Keith and Sham before I can heal them. Confusion finishes off the Soldier and we start to capture. We’re interrupted by a Sniper, and Confusion chases after him. I try to capture on my own but am scared off by a random explosion and chase after Confusion. The Sniper throws his Jarate and I deploy my Kritz, the Sniper explodes into gibs. Unfortunately, Confusion is killed as a RED Pyro reflects his crockets back at him then sets his sights on me. I backpedal and race for the health kit, Vintage Keith distracting the Pyro. I escape with 18 health and head back to spawn to heal up, just as Confusion reappears.
Unfortunately, this gives RED enough time to capture the control point. My second death occurs now, as I am killed by a charging Demoknight. I switch to the Stock Medi Gun while Confusion gets a triple kill. We manage to recapture the control point in exactly 30 seconds.
Somewhat annoyed, RED pushes back with a Heavy/Scout/Demoman charge. Confusion gets a killing spree and Vintage Keith and I take out the Heavy. We lose Sham though to a Sniper.
Suddenly, a Phlog Pyro comes out of nowhere, and he’s nearing full MMMPH. Both me and Vintage Keith are directly in his path and we scramble backwards towards the big health kit under the bridge. Unfortunately, I am too late to save Sham, but I just manage to deploy my Ubercharge to save Vintage Keith. Confusion tries to help us against the Phlog Pyro, but he’d already been weakened by the Soldier. My Uber runs out but we manage to successfully defend the control point.
The Phlog Pyro tries again, alongside a now very angry battle Medic, but we take them out. I then get my first Syringe Gun kill, taking out a Scout who tries to run me down. Another try with the Phlog Pyro kills Sham, as I fail to flash Uber him quickly enough, but Vintage Keith manages to Pain Train the Pyro to death. Confusion is now running Phlog Pyro too. We manage to hold and win the second round. I get my second Overdose kill, earning me a domination on the enemy Scout.
Round three starts and Confusion has switched to Pyro, but the rest of us remain as we are. I decide to pocket Confusion for a bit. They’re now running Heavy, Engineer and Sniper, with the Sniper killing Vintage Keith, but we take out the Engineer before he can do anything. Sham and Confusion tag-team and kill the Heavy as he tries to capture, but I get backstabbed at 50% Uber and the Spy attempts to capture. I find a Machina and Sham goes on a killing spree, avenging my death.
I respawn and pocket Confusion as we attempt to capture, but a Pyro interferes. I survive with 11 health and run around like a headless chicken looking for a health kit while Vintage Keith and Sham capture the control point.
Back at somewhat full health, the enemy decides to run Sniper again, alongside a Scout, but Vintage Keith and Confusion kill them. For some reason, Vintage Keith suicides, just as an Engineer starts building a sentry in the lobby. I heal Confusion and he uses his MMMPH to kill the Engineer, the sentry and yet another poor soul. A Demoman sneaks round and kills Sham, but Confusion backtracks and finishes the Demoman off. I now have full Uber.
We head back to the lobby, where a Pyro, Sniper and Medic are waiting for us. I Uber and Confusion tears them all to pieces. He MMMPHs again and takes out the Pyro and Medic, while the Sniper hides in spawn. My Uber runs out just as the enemy Demoman leaps in and I take heavy damage, but Vintage Keith, now a DH Soldier, and Sham have appeared to save my ass.
Little more happens and we win the third round. We’ve won, and Confusion disappears and reappears as a Demoknight. We decide to do a fourth round anyway. Sham and I are still the same but Vintage Keith is an Engineer, Confusion is a Demoknight. We see a Pyro, Soldier and Heavy, their fourth is yet to be identified. Vintage Keith rushes to the point but I retreat, feeling somewhat scared. I get hurt by the Heavy and run away to grab health, but RED are all on the point and trying to capture. Not for long though as Confusion kills three of them and Sham finishes off the straggler. We all clamber onto the control point and a desperate Sandman Scout tries to get us and misses. He dies too. Unluckily for me, he’s backed up by a Heavy, who pins me to a wall and kills me and Vintage Keith. BLU scatters and gets killed by the Heavy on the point, lacking room to maneuver.
I respawn first and all of them are on the point. I wait for Vintage Keith and he charges in, 2v4. They’ve got a Heavy AND a Medic (which you’re not supposed to do but oh well) as well as a Scout and Soldier. He kills the Heavy and takes out the Soldier, leaving me 2v1 against the Scout and Medic. I do a lot of damage to the Medic and escape with 7 health, just as they’re about to capture, but Confusion backs me up and I get another Overdose kill. They try for another push, with 3/4 of their team, blowing up Vintage Keith and swarming the point. Sham gets unluckily killed by the meleeing crazy Scout, but Confusion and I manage to hold on long enough to capture.
Satisfied, Confusion charges off to kill a Sniper. The Heavy is back for more and shunts me and Vintage Keith off the point, but Vintage Keith builds a teleporter and he and Sham sneak round and kill the Heavy. I backpeddle away from a Spy who tries to kill me and get the teleporter but I catch him just in time. We lose the teleporter but Vintage Keith exacts his vengence.
I’ve got full Uber now, but I’m directly in the sightlines of a Sniper. I pop my Uber and possibly save myself, just as the Sniper is meatshotted by Sham. A Soldier comes in from the Sniper Decks but is also killed by some well-placed shotgunning. A Pyro is killed by grenades and the Heavy reappears on the control point, but is blown up by Confusion.
Vintage Keith starts getting his buildings up, starting with a teleporter. I stick to Vintage Keith to help him build, before topping off Confusion. But as Vintage Keith wanders off, he’s caught by a Huntsman Sniper. A RED push is halted and Vintage Keith kills a Scout from beyond the grave with his sentry. The Heavy tries again, on his own, but is killed by Sham and Confusion, and Vintage Keith’s teleporter means he gets back fast and sorts out his sentry. The sentry though doesn’t last long, as a Sniper, Pyro and Demoman go for the point. There’s a BLU teleporter up close to RED’s Spawn, making it hard for them to escape.
Another scramble on the control point leaves me dead, killed by the Heavy and a CM5K Soldier. Unfortunately it’s not enough and yet again we win.
Having won, Confusion leaves to sort out all the league stuff, but we decide to continue on in a 3v4 game. For funsies.
The fun round starts off with them rushing the point. I’m alone and pull out my syringe gun. I overextend and run into a sentry, but I escape with 4 health and a dead Sniper. The others are doing all the work while I look for health. We come back and capture, just as a Phlog Pyro and Sniper arrive. Before long, Keith has a level 2 sentry up, defending both the point and the swimming pool, but it’s destroyed by the Heavy. I pop Uber on Vintage Keith though and he demolishes RED with his Frontier Justice crits.
The match continues, with me dying to a Scout (for some reason they have two Scouts now) and someone from RED leaves. They’re capturing though, so I decide “fuck it” and go in with my Overdose. I take out both the Demoknight and the Scout that are trying to capture. The second Scout comes from the lobby, wanting to exact his revenge. But I’m having none of that and I kill him too. Triple kill for Medic. I leave the confrontation with more health than when I started. On the plus side, someone on the RED team found a Fortified Compound.
A few more deaths and thankfully the round ends. We’ve won again, in a 3v3.5 situation. We congratulate each other, wish the other team good luck in future matches then decide to mess around for a bit.
Next week, SCUD EU is playing on cp_mojave. Attack Defend 4v4. Oh no.