Ah, I’m back in Tamriel, kicking ass as always! Last time I was just getting started. Today, I finish up finding a damn horn for some reason, and things are rainy and crappy. Anyway, off I go. Oh, and excuse the syringe gun poking out of my back, not to mention the ammo box. You gotta keep this stuff somewhere, right?
So, I’ve entered this cave, and the first thing I spot is the large number of dead bodies. Sadly, there’s little I can harvest off them. I forgot my scalpel and my jars of preserving alcohol. Dammit. Although the dead bodies are slightly worrying, my high-powered Syringe Gun makes short work of, well, everything. I walk on, killing lots of Draugr, undead bastards that they are. Why am I here again? Oh yeah, the old people want their horn. Um…
This place is fucking huge. Like, seriously. How is Skyrim not collapsing upon itself, with its HUGE caves underneath the entire area? Bloody hell. I assume I’ll be heading over there later.
Oh hey, a chest and an Arcane Enchanter! I have no idea what this is doing here, but there’s a few cool bits and pieces I snag. I decide to leave the armour in the chest, since it’s worthless hide armour. I opened up two damn iron doors for nothing. Oh well. soul gems are pretty.
That huge place I showed you earlier? Well, there was an even bigger place below. I pick up my third ever shout, Feim. Feim is the first word of Become Ethereal, which is the closest thing I will ever have to an Ubercharge in this game. I shall abuse this shout later, for when I want to jump off a cliff or something.
I finally make it to the end of this boring as hell dungeon and… Fuck. The horn isn’t there. There’s a note instead. Now, who could have gotten here before me? Maybe that wizard in Whiterun knows… Dammit. I’ll have to read the note. It tells me to head to Riverwood and ask for an attic room, which is weird because I don’t recall that place having an attic. Oh well.
I grab all the loot I can find, then leave. But since I’m somewhat near Solitude, I decide to head there. Means I can fast-travel there later.
Cool place, eh? It’s all up on rocks and stuff. I hope what happened to Winterhold (i.e. the whole lot collapsing then being swallowed up by the sea) doesn’t happen to this place. That sort of thing tends to happen. But Solitude is a nice place, apparently. It’s the bossy city of Skyrim. Lots of Imperials, I guess. So off I go to Solitude…
Where I am greeted by an execution. I’ll be honest, I forgot about this. Fun fact, if you run past the guard, the whole city will go bonkers and try to kill you, thinking you’re some sort of traitor too. Medic is looking quite confused. Apparently the guy is being executed for opening a gate? Oh, then they mention Ulfric. Guess this guy let him escape. Huh.
OFF WITH HIS HEAD!
Of course, my medical curiosity gets the better of me, so I get in nice and close to have a good look. Standard execution, really. Nothing special. The guy doesn’t do anything cool like twitch for hours on end or something.
Reminds me of a certain someone in my fridge… And if he was such a good man, why did you cut off his head instead of locking him away for the rest of his life? Oh well. I snag the necklace off his corpse, because I can, then decide to have a look around. I’m quickly interrupted by a few people, including the bitch who owns the clothes store, commenting on my attire. Well fuck you, bitch. I’m prepared for surgery and battle AND I look FABULOUS. You’re just jealous.
Suddenly I am interrupted by these bastards. Talking about some dude called Miraak. Eh, I’ll deal with that later, I have dragons and stuff to kill. I steal all their stuff. That’ll teach them for trying to assassinate me in the middle of the biggest and busiest city in Skyrim.
I’m bored of Solitude now and head back to Riverwood, stopping off at Whiterun to dump the pile of cheese wheels I collected while looking for that horn. It’s wet and rainy. Again.
This horse is always sitting here. I don’t know why. I am always tempted to steal it, but I don’t want to piss off the TF2 merchants behind it. Also, why can’t I get my horse to carry extra stuff? I head in to the crappy inn (heh) and speak to Delphine. HANG ON! I remember you! Weren’t you with the wizard in Whiterun? Either way, I give you 10 gold to rent a room, because, as I thought, you don’t HAVE an attic room, and just as I’m about to get some rest, you burst in and say we need to talk! Delphine then drags me to a secret room, the door to which she leaves wide open.
I don’t get this Delphine person. She stole my horn.
I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT A THALMOR IS. Well, I do, but that’s besides the point. You went to way too much work, lady. I haven’t seen any Thalmor since after Alduin fucked up Helgen. Anyway, Delphine is now talking at me, then tells me to go and kill a dragon. Seriously? Just give me my damn horn!
She finally does, then tells me to go to some place to kill a dragon. I steal everything that isn’t nailed down, since she’s messing me around. Oh well, off to Kynesgrove.
Damn, you got dressed fast.
But before I go to Kynesgrove, I need to give this horn back to whatshisname on top of the mountain. For some reason, he’s staring at a window.
“yay u iz da real dragonborn lolz!” Is basically what this guy tells me. I learn the last word of Unrelenting Force, which is good. Then the four old men decide to shout at me for a bit.
I don’t get why this is supposedly so painful. Dragons roar, your head doesn’t explode. And your ears don’t pop every time you say Dovahkiin. Seriously, if you stand in front of a dragon, you don’t get killed when they say stuff, you get killed when they set you on fire or take a bite out of you.
Fus Ro Dah. Yay.
Now off to Kynesgrove. I’ve got a dragon to kill. On the way, I decide to take a small shortcut to one of my favourite places in Skyrim. Bonestrewn Crest. Not sure why I like this place. Maybe it’s because I once saw a dragon bathing in the hot springs nearby. Or the bunch of people bathing in the springs nearby who I always steal from. Or maybe it’s because the first time I came here, I saw a dragon fighting a mammoth fighting a bunch of Imperials fighting a bunch of Stormcloaks fighting a couple of witches. Anyway, I sneak up, past the dragon who’s off killing wolves and grab this word wall.
I now know Fo, the first word of Frost Breath.
On my way to Kynesgrove, I kill a dragon, but it flies off and I can’t find it to snag its soul. Good thing I’m about to fight…
Oh hey, you look familiar! Alduin though ignores me and my syringes and just resurrects a dragon to kill me. Except the guy fails and I steal his soul. And his bones. They sell for a nice bit of coin.
I thought we already established this, Delphine? And where were you while I risked life and limb to kill this dragon?
Delphine decides to be less of a bitch and finally says some useful stuff. Turns out she knows nothing either! And for some reason, we’re going to break into the Thalmor embassy. I can finally put my ever-rising Sneak skill to the test!
Read part 3!