Potions and Partypoopers – Medic in Skyrim part 3

Oh hey, it’s been a while, but I finally fired up that dodgy teleporter to continue my travels in Tamriel! Last time I was here, I killed a dragon. Then Delphine decided to be useful for two seconds. Unfortunately, after killing that dragon, half my screenshots disappeared. Not that it really matters, because all I did in the meantime was go to Windhelm, which wasn’t very far off, get into a fight with some guy who bet 100 gold he could best me in a fight (spoiler: he couldn’t…) then headed back to Breezehome to dump my stuff.

I also leveled up! I had 3 perk points to spend, I spent 1 in restoration (yay), one in sneak and one in archery.

Anyway, time to continue the story!


Delphine tells me to meet back in Riverwood, where she tells me I need to infiltrate some Thalmor thing. I still don’t know who these Thalmor are. I guess they’re bad guys. Seem like it. She tells me to meet up with Malborn or someone like that in Solitude. Good thing I went there last time, since I didn’t fancy a long walk all the way there. Good thing too because my game crashed.


Back here in Solitude, It IS a nice place, actually. Feels more like a city, but it also feels very empty. Most of Skyrim does actually. Paradoxically though, I felt Elder Scrolls Online was even lonelier, despite there being other people around. No one ever said anything, all they did was follow invisible dogs and spam trade messages.


Uh… You want me, the guy with the guns and the lab coat and the shiny skin and the blank stare, to infiltrate this party filled with these evil Thalmor guys? Seriously? Okay then… I give him pretty much all my stuff, including my own skin (since it counts as armour and can’t be taken in to the party). He walks off carrying a vast amount of syringes, crossbows, flares and rockets and leaves me standing in the nude. I did literallt give him everything, apart from the keys to my house. He doesn’t know where I live anyway. I head off to see Delphine, who gives me some party clothes to use as a disguise, takes the last few items I have on me then tells me to get on that cart and go to the party.


Mein Gott these clothes are hideous. Also, Delphine’s being a bitch again. Come on, everyone loves my German accent!

I climb into the cart, a loading screen happens and poof, I’m at the party. This guy’s here and he’s just floating in mid air. I think he’s just confused. And drunk. He probably knows Demoman quite well. I show my invitation to the guard sitting by the door and head inside. I assume these Thalmor are just high elves with their heads stuck up their asses even further than usual.


I’m greeted by the host. I want to punch her already. But as to not blow my cover, I must keep my mouth shut. I decide to play to her ego, as no evil bad guy can resist praise. You can see Malborn in the corner, he interrupts so she doesn’t ask me who I am, but considering that I don’t exist in this world, I don’t think it matters. I speak to the guy I met outside, get him a drink and persuade him to make a distraction.


With the distraction underway, Malborn and I sneak into the back and he tells me where I can get my stuff. There’s a grumpy Khajiit waiting there. I bet she’ll probably tell on us later on and Malborn will be captured or something.


High elves not liking magic? Huh. When I swing open the door and drown the three Thalmor soldiers in a rain of syringes and rockets, one of them actually turns out to be a mage rather than a soldier. Weird. But swords are not equal to syringes or rockets or flares and everyone dies. I loot what I can and sneak outside, decide I hate being sneaky, kill everyone who’s around then sneak into Elenwen’s house. There’s people chatting here.


I listen in. Turns out their spies aren’t paid very well. There’s one guy over there but he just ignores me the entire time. At least, until I kill the spy and the elf he’s talking to.


World’s least secure safe. Aren’t these things supposed to be locked? Contained some good stuff too. With my pockets full and some information found, I head into the basement… Um, dungeon… There’s some poor guy in that cell. I free him.


As I do so, Malborn appears, surrounded by Thalmor. I kill the bastards and Malborn runs away. I don’t know where. He just does. The guy I free is incredibly thankful, despite nearly being killed by a troll.


Etienne Rarnis runs home, nude. I head back to Riverwood. I’m barely in the door and Delphine tells me I need to go to Riften, based on the info I learned. I was just in Solitude, on one side of this damn region, now you want me to traipse all the way to the other side? Bitch.


I decide to start off from Ivarstead. Now normally I could just follow the roads, but they’re full of bandits and nasties and, probably, really pissed off Thalmor. I decide to do what I did in my original play through and take the scenic route. Via the river.


In my previous life, I swear I was an Argonian. Also, this backpack and ammo kit and syringe gun all weigh a tonne. I make my way to land, having saved a good 2 minutes of walking and decide to, well, walk. It’ll be dryer and less scary during the night. And hopefully less eventful.


Okay, I was wrong. There’s some Redguard dudes pestering this woman. I decide to not go in syringe gun blazing. They walk off on their own. So I walk off too.


Nearby, there was a small shack with a barrel on it with a note. I read it. Of course, I have no respect for people’s privacy. I look up, it’s a pretty damn simple clue. I can SEE the chest from where I am standing.



Two people randomly attack me. I just want to see the treasure! Self-defense ensues and I kill the pair of them. For 30 Septims and a silver ingot. Great. I feel bad now, so I get back to my mission of going to Riften.


Clearly other people telepathically knew of this treasure, as I was instantly attacked by this thief when I got out of the water.


The sun sets as I walk. I thought it’d be uneventful, but I was attacked by a vampire, wolves, a spriggan, a flame atronarch, more wolves, giant motherfucking spiders and a bear on the way to Riften. I also found a dead Vigilant of Stendarr. Place is probably destroyed now due to, well, DLCs. Poor fuckers, they’re just trying to help in their own stupid way.


Almost there? Some guard has the nerve to try and charge me a tax for entering the city. I tell him to fuck off and head inside.


This Mjoll person is talking to a wall.

Anyway, this beautiful music starts playing as I wonder around. I decide to gaze at the moon for a bit, then realize that the song I am listening to is named by the other moon that isn’t visible currently. Typical. The music passes and I decide to find this Brynjolf guy, who’s doing fuck all in the tavern. Fun fact, same voice actor.


This priest of… Mara? I dunno, is telling us that we’re all sinners. I know that, can’t you wait until I sit down and have a drink first? Then I spot this cool Argonian. Seems like a nice guy. Why can’t we have cool lizard men and cat men at home? Note to self, when I return to Teufort, I am going to try some genetic manipulation.


This is where we end for now. More interesting things will happen next time, as I travel to the one place in Riften everyone tells me not to go.

Also, I found a random shotgun on the ground.


Read part 4!


Also known as Doctor Retvik Von Schreibtviel, Medic writes 50% of all the articles on the Daily SPUF. A dedicated Medic main in Team Fortress 2 and an avid speedster in Warframe, Medic has the unique skill of writing 500 words about very little in a very short space of time.

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