Character Annihilation 6 – Burning Togetherness

Today, we do something different. It is very hard writing stories about people I really don’t know, so I’m going to put a bunch of you together. It’s not bias, I simply didn’t ask for enough information in my Character Annihilation SPUF thread. In this episode of Character Annihilation, you all get thrown into a blender. In the immortal words of the Heavy, YOU ARE DEAD. Not big surprise.

Dapper Apple browsed SPUF. He was bored out of his mind. There’d been no updates to bitch about, there’d been no bug changes or weapon buffs or anything of interest. No comic either. Bored. B O R E D. Watching paint dry would have been more interesting than wandering around here. Sighing, Dapper decided to head outside, where other SPUFians were waiting.

“How you doing?” DrNightKOT kindly waved as Dapper went by.

“I’m bored.”

“Oh, I understand. It’s the same old same old. I’ve been considering putting my kindness and tolerance to one side and sparking a debate on how cheap the Gunslinger is, just to move things along…” DrNightKot appeared to be in the same predicament. Dapper Apple was about to ask what they could do to fix this when they were interrupted by Merasmus shouting BONUS DUCKS! Except it wasn’t Merasmus at all, it was Hollandiae trying out a sound mod. Merasmus would have made this story impressive.

“WHO DID THAT?” 1101 0100 bellowed, appearing from a dumpster by the main SPUF entrance. “YOU RUINED MY SOUPCAN COLLECTION!”

Hollandiae apologized. “Sorry, but I’m bored. I’m so bored that I’m replacing every sound in TF2 with the Bonus Ducks sound.”

“Are you going to replace every item in the game with ducks as well?” Dapper asked. “So you’d have Pyro being a duck, wearing a duck hat?”

“Using a duck-thrower?” DrNightKOT added.

Hollandiae’s eyes lit up. “Yes. That’s perfect…”

“Is the world ready for Duck Fortress though?” Kumquat appeared from the shadows. Despite everyone thinking that no one remembered him, it’s worth noting that the author of this article does actually remember him, over both his previous accounts. “I mean, it does sound… godly, but the community might implode…”

“Good point…” Hollandiae’s eyes dimmed back to normal. “We need to do something though, otherwise we’ll all just die of boredom, rather than dying from an overdose of ducks.”

Everyone stood still, tapping their chins.

“How about we go play dress up?” DrNightKOT asked.


“What about we bake some cookies?” Kumquat wondered.


“We could play TF2?” Dapper Apples suggested.

“Don’t be so silly!” 1101 0100 barked. Dapper rolled his eyes and everyone went back to tapping their chins, lost in thought.

“There must be SOMETHING we can do, right?” Dapper exclaimed, as his eyes drifted downwards. They were all holding flamethrowers of some sort. The others’ eyes had drifted downwards too.

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” DrNightKOT smiled.

“Soupcans?” 1101 0100 inquired, only to be slapped across the face. Everyone gave him a funny look, before grabbing their flamethrowers and heading outside.

Ten minutes later, the entire building was on fire.




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Also known as Doctor Retvik Von Schreibtviel, Medic writes 50% of all the articles on the Daily SPUF. A dedicated Medic main in Team Fortress 2 and an avid speedster in Warframe, Medic has the unique skill of writing 500 words about very little in a very short space of time.

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