Good day, citizens! It is I, Garen, the Might of Demacia. I have returned to inform you all of an up and coming threat that has somehow slipped through the cracks of space and time and is now attacking people’s turrets! But do not fear, I have located the source of this vile scourge – this threat has sneaked in via the Void, the same hideous place were the horrible being known as Vel’Koz was born. Oh and the other hideous Void beings. And Kog’Maw. For some reason, my sister seems to think that hideous, drooling, acid-spitting monster is cute. Personally, I think she’s insane. Probably because she is.
Enough casual chit chat. I must inform you of the threat that is the ZZ’ROT PORTAL. This device starts off as a strange, crystal-like device. It is incredibly simple to use, but how it works still remains a mystery. It is probably some sort of stupid magic. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind magic, for a while, I was tempted to become a wizard, but those days are dead. Gone. Destroyed. Demolished. Rest in peace, Deathfire Grasp. Anyway, as I was saying, the Zz’Rot Portal a ludicrously simple device – you drop a piece of it on the floor, which then expands into a strange, angular rock portal thing. This portal will then start spawning miniature monsters from the Void, which will attack nearby enemies. More importantly though, it will also attack enemy turrets. These creatures are called Voidspawn, and despite their initial cuteness, they are not to be messed with. If left unchecked, they will soon start tearing down your base’s turrets and leave your inhibitors and nexus exposed. Not good.
Thankfully, these Voidspawn have their weaknesses. They are small and puny, tiny enough for someone such as myself to stamp on. The creatures also don’t seem to be able to breathe in our atmosphere or exist properly within our universe, so after travelling a small distance, they will eventually disappear, imploding into nothingness. That being said, the first Voidspawn to come through, and every fourth Voidspawn afterwards, appears to be slightly stronger, perhaps sucking on the defenses of the being who planted the Zz’Rot Portal? This is to be confirmed.
There are other issues too. Carrying a Zz’Rot Portal around somehow augments the carrier’s natural defenses. It vastly increases the user’s armor and magic resistance, better than many of the Rift’s other defensive items. Only items that focus entirely on either armor or magic resistance seem to have higher values. In fact, the Zz’Rot Portal offers better protection than the Guardian Angel, which can coax the dead back to life! Clearly this is all a ploy, in order to somehow infect users, twisting them and turning them towards the Void’s demented will.
An additional side effect of carrying a Zz’Rot portal comes in the form of enhanced regenerating health. Unlike in some universes, where regenerating health is an ability normally only held by crazed doctors, people with camping equipment and mercenaries with a strange obsession with blowing horns, here regenerating health is a good thing. This object though offers a lot of regenerating health. Perhaps too much.
What is more disconcerting though is how the Zz’Rot Portal seems to offer speed boosts. Carrying one will increase your movement speed as you approach placed portals on the ground, but it also increases your speed while approaching turrets. Not just your own ones, but enemy ones. Whether they are functional or destroyed. It is as if the Zz’Rot Portal is converting Turret energy into mobility. Most peculiar.
In conclusion, this device appears to have been tailor-made for me, as a brutish and treacherous attempt to make me join the Void! Look at it! Armor, magic resistance, movement speed, health regeneration, they all suit my needs perfectly.
Curse you, Zz’Rot Portal!
No! I will not buy you!