The Sensible SPUFer

“Come on, Medic, it’ll be fun!” aabicus tried to convince the busy doctor. “Everyone’s going out trick or treating! Why won’t you?”

Medic had been ignoring the gaggle of SPUFers behind him for about an hour now and they still hadn’t got the hint. He was still having flashbacks to last Halloween, when he let his brother borrow his lab coat and an old, broken medi-pack, and won a costume contest. Everyone called him a Ghostbuster. Meanwhile, no one had recognized Medic, wearing a grey suit and a paper mask, and he’d spent the evening protecting his sister from a drunk guy who kept on hitting on her.

This year, Medic just wanted to be left alone. He’d always been the sensible one around here, and trick and treating just didn’t suit him.

“No, I don’t want to go trick or treating. I’m diabetic anyway, what the hell am I going to do with all those sweets? Who are you dressed as anyway?”

“Oh, me?” Aabicus grinned. He was standing there, shirtless, with a backpack and a Medi Gun. “I’m dressed up as a hunky Ghostbuster. I guess you’re right though about the candy… Well, I’ll be sure to bring back some, just in case.”

“We’ll see you later!” Blk_Mage_Ctype, ironically dressed as a white mage, waved as he pushed everyone out the door.

“Have fun being a loner!” d4m0 shouted, only to get slapped across the face by TheOnlyGuyEver.

The door slammed shut behind them, and Medic finally relaxed. Unfortunately, his peace and quiet were quickly interrupted. There was an eerie knocking at the window.

With a sigh, Medic got up to see who it was. It was just MysticTheMeem.


Medic rolled his eyes, unable to hear what Mystic was saying, and opened the window. “What?”

“I forgot my handbag.”

“Well why didn’t you just knock on the front door so I’d let you back in? The door bell works perfectly fine!” Medic tutted as he reached behind him and pulled out a red back with a faint flower pattern on it. Mystic happily snatched the handbag and zoomed off to catch the other SPUFers, muttering a quick goodbye.

With that interruption over with, Medic went back to what he was doing. His plan was to spend the evening writing Daily SPUF articles. It wasn’t that Medic was falling behind or anything, not at all! It was just that Medic preferred writing to socializing. He had a list of ideas, varying from five of his favourite video game songs to yet another article about Archwing and Warframe in general, to an idea about how his brother Terroxy had changed his username for the first time in ten years – to Smeghead, of all things.

Medic flipped open his littlecomputer and opened up Libre Office. Medic was a cheap person and didn’t want to pay for Microsoft Office and its related programs. But as Medic was about to press the first letter on his keyboard, he heard something move in the kitchen. A loud bang.

Immediately, Medic got up. He knew he wasn’t alone in the house. He rushed to the kitchen to see what has caused the noise. A strange, dark liquid covered the floor and splattered over the cupboards. It smelled sweet and sickly, looking ominous and slightly evil. On the opposite wall, a handful of plates that had been left to dry were broken, as if something had shot through them. On the counter was the cause of the bang.

“For fuck’s sake!” Medic exclaimed as he grabbed a mop. “I fucking told them to put that shaken-up bottle of cherry cola outside before it exploded!” Thurbo had accidentally dropped the family-sized bottle from the cupboard the other day, and rather than try and de-fizz it or anything, he’d just left it there. Now the bottle had exploded and the lid had shot off across the room.

With yet another interruption out of the way, Medic headed back to his laptop, only to find that his pencil and notepad were missing and the desk was all messed up. After having a quick look around, he found his pencil on the floor, but the notepad was still missing. Medic looked around a bit more, then gave up and sat down. But instead of being greeted by silence, he was greeted by the sound of grunting and chewing. Again, Medic got up, and headed straight into the living room.

In the middle of the room, something furry growled and sneered, tearing Medic’s notebook to shreds.

“No, Colin! Bad dog! That’s my book!” Medic shouted as he clapped his hands. The little beagle jumped up and wagged his tail, unaware that he had done anything wrong. As far as Colin was concerned, anything that fell on the floor was his. Medic hesitantly picked up the remains of his formerly brand new notebook and threw it in the bin. He then grabbed one of Colin’s chew toys and threw it vaguely in the dog’s direction, before going back to his desk.

This time, Medic was adamant he would get something done. So when Medic heard something banging below him, he didn’t quite comprehend what had happened. It took several more bangs for Medic to realise that there was something down in the basement.

With yet another sigh, Medic got up to investigate.

But as Medic approached the door to go down to the basement, he could hear more banging. It sounded somewhat worrying, but considering the amount of crap that he and the other SPUFers kept down there, it didn’t seem too surprising either. There was a lone window down there, but only big enough for a cat to crawl though. He looked around for the light switch for the basement and flicked it on. A small crack of glass was heard – the light had blown.


Medic stood still for a moment, thinking to himself. He didn’t know what it was, but his best guess was that it was just one of the other SPUFer’s  pets. If it was, there was water and food down there, so the disgruntled pet would be fine until morning. If it wasn’t, well…

He wasn’t stupid. There was no reason to mess around with torches and changing light bulbs and stuff, or risk falling down the stairs or tripping over a cat or anything like that.

Medic smiled, locked the basement door then calmly walked back to his desk. Maybe he’d write something spooky, as it was Halloween, after all. Whatever was down in the basement, it could wait until morning.



Happy Halloween, everyone!


Also known as Doctor Retvik Von Schreibtviel, Medic writes 45% of all the articles on the Daily SPUF. A dedicated Medic main in Team Fortress 2 and an avid speedster in Warframe, Medic has the unique skill of writing 500 words about very little in a very short space of time.

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