The Dry Gulch Gulp

The Dry Gulch Gulp was added into the game during the 2013 Summer Event. It is a paper soft drink cup with a lid and straw the sits in the Engineer’s pouch and does absolutely nothing else. I suppose it isn’t fair to say that since that applies for most cosmetics, but most of them aren’t just random items stuffed into a pouch.

The Dry Gulch Gulp to me is a mystery, a digital manifestation of a question I have asked myself when I see some cosmetics: what is it doing here? No offense to the guy who made it, he made some great cosmetics like the Frenchman’s Formals and the Dead of Night that I like, but I just don’t get what this item is doing in here. The Dry Gulch Gulp isn’t even the one I feel the most negatively about, oh no. That dishonour goes to the Brain-Warming Wear.

And man am I just dying to sink my axe into that…

I realize this might sound weird considering I once said that I like the Planeswalker Helm, which is a strong contender for the “Most Hipster Statement in TF2” award. This is a really subjective thing and definitely varies from person to person. So I suppose I should clarify why I said that.

The main (only) reason why I said that is because it is seriously just a paper cup. There is nothing fun about it, it’s plain as hell, it doesn’t stand out much and it just looks like Scout dumped it there after finishing his drink while Engie wasn’t looking. The Planeswalker Helm at least has a really unique look to it in contrast with most other Medic cosmetics. I know that this is just personal opinion, but I just really do not see the point of it being used.

Of course, unlike my feelings towards the aforementioned Brain-Warming Wear or Snipers in general, I don’t feel any hate towards it. On the spectrum where one end lies the intense hatred of Heavy when someone threatens his family members and the other end lies the strong, unbreakable bond of love between Demoman and his liver, my feelings for the Dry Gulch Gulp is right in the middle. It is a very nicely modelled cosmetic tucked neatly and out of the way of most cosmetics when Engie moves about, which is important to me as one of my biggest TF2 cosmetic pet peeves is cosmetics clipping into one another. I also like how well it goes with Engineer’s calm and happy-go-lucky nature, as he is so unfazed by the carnage around him that he can just casually bring along a cup of soda for a sip when he gets thirsty. Although I will argue that Engineer is more likely to bring a bottle of beer. He’s no Demoman, but if Meet the Engineer and the Rancho Relaxo taught me anything, ol’ hard hat loves his beer and isn’t opposed to drinking some on the battlefield.

Come on Valve, you already have the model for this.

In the end, I am not against its existence, as much as that’s what it sounded like a few paragraphs before. I just don’t see the point of it being added at all. To me, it’s a cosmetic I have no strong feelings either way towards its addition. As far as I can recall, this is the only cosmetic that I am completely neutral about. In a way, that probably means I’m the least qualified person to write an article about it since I have no emotions at all about this, but oh well.

If you really want to bring along this cup of soda into a fight and want to wear something that goes with it, pick a nice, wide brim hat like the Crosslinker’s Coil or Last Straw. For the last slot, sunglasses or a light shirt like the Dad Duds should round off the casual easygoing look quite well.

Maybe Engineer’s just carrying it for his flame-wielding buddy to quench his(?) thirst after a warm day at work?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *