Home on the Range

You’re next.

Shooters. The genre where you murder the other guy before he murders you. And what better way to train yourself for the horrifying prospect of a life or death showdown with another cold, calculated, killer (like yourself) than showing some wooden targets who’s boss? Oh, okay! Well if you’re going to be all fussy about it, YES! There’s slightly more that goes into it than hitting your desired target, something about the “horrors of war” or something? But I’ll have you know those wooden targets can be a pretty fierce bunch too and they pop up all over the place! Here’s just a few places you can sharpen your skills before heading into the field…

“FLASHBANG, THROUGH THE DOOR!” (Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare)

Ah, a classic. Few things beat running through an S.A.S. killhouse, being belittled the entire way by a bitter Cpt. Price. Even if you do nail the course, there’s no guarantee it’ll put on a smile on old misery guts face. But it’s fun to try, especially with the best record taunting you to break it. You’re suggested a difficulty at the end of your run based on your time with accuracy being used as a bonus. I’m sure reducing the targets to woodchips in record time definitely shows I have what it takes to deal with terrorism on a global scale, hordes of soldiers, enemy armour and attack dogs… Yeah! …I’m sure!

“Little rough, don’t you think?” (Resident Evil 4)

Las Plagas got you down? Why not give the shooting range a whirl and blow off some steam?! It’s not like you’ve got anything better to do anyway! What’s that? Oh, you’re rescuing the daughter of the President of the United States of America from a parasite-infested cult who kidnapped her?  Well, that’s nice, but that doesn’t win you these sweet bottle cap figurines does it?! Yes, the shooting range makes for a nice break from the stress of constantly trying to keep Ashley and yourself alive and out of the clutches of the Los Iluminados. Prizes to be won, multiple courses, infinite ammo! What’s not to like?

“You’ve done well, kids!” (Army of Two: The Devil’s Cartel)

This one is sort of cheating, but I had to include it simply because every single-player/co-op shooter needs this ever. Although there’s technically a proper shooting range that you and your partner go through in a tutorial, I’m more interested in this tiny room. In between missions you can access an armory full of weapons to purchase, unlockable weapons is nothing new of course, but what makes this special is that you can preview ANY weapon you like. Purchased or not. With any modifications you like. Instantly. I can not fathom how much time, stress and money this saved me from wasting. I salute you, shooting range!

*Plant and/or Zombie noises* (Plants Vs. Zombies: Garden Warfare 2)

I sometimes wish there was a pointless statistics sheet that showed you how much time you’d pointlessly wasted on something so pointless. Because I have spent far, FAR too long in the shooting range in the hub world for PvZ:GW2. I can’t think of another time trial style (Heh, rhyme.) shooting range where I’ve worked so feverishly to shave milliseconds off my best time simply for the satisfaction of doing so. The culprit for this obviously being the quick restart button. It’s like Super Meat Boy all over again. On the plus side, any wooden villains out there must be terrified as I’ve got it down to a science.


So there’s just a few elite training spots for you aspiring marksmen! Honourable mention to Planetside 2 for having the multiplayer equivalent of the Army of Two range. If only it didn’t feel like it was taunting you when you leave and you’re suddenly Mr. Default again.


Don't worry... My articles are worse than my bite.

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