What even is a Cinnabon?
Okay so, a while back, I was working from a coffee shop on my laptop. We had finished a meeting in this cafe, and I decided to stick around as everyone else left. I mean, screw it, I can just get a couple of drinks and make them last. However, as the day trickled on, I got hungry and my blood sugar got low, which meant I needed something sugary to eat. My food of choice? Well, there were some Cinnabons on display, so I decided to give that a go.
I’d had something similar years back, back when I was in school (a depressingly long time ago). I got one Cinnabon and shared it with the siblings, but all I could remember about them was how sweet they were. It couldn’t have been that bad, right?
Well, I was wrong.
Now, I have made cinnamon rolls before. They are quite tasty. They’re also pretty sweet, and don’t always look beautiful. However, I use far less sugar when I cook, and cinnamon rolls are a rare treat in general. I don’t normally buy the big brand stuff,, I much prefer going home-made.
In comparison with the things I’ve eaten before, this Cinnabon was… ugh. All I could taste was sugar. There was some sort of icing on top that comes traditionally with a cinnamon bun – that was okay, but it was partially mixed with some sort of chocolate topping that was far, far too sweet. It didn’t need the chocolate. I should point out here that, when I bought it, I picked the Cinnabon with the least toppings on it. The icing stuff tasted of sugar and little else. But the chocolate stuff left a weird taste in my mouth and kinda didn’t actually taste like normal chocolate either. I think there was an attempt at butter icing or cream cheese icing, I wasn’t quite sure.
The biggest problem for me was that I couldn’t really taste munch cinnamon at all. It was like someone had waved some cinnamon bark at it, then used way too much sugar and some flavourings to cover up the fact that there was minimal cinnamon in this cinnamon roll. What’s weird is that the cinnamon stuff inside the cinnamon roll kinda had a chocolate-y taste while also being rather gritty.
The damn thing wasn’t easy to eat either. When I got the Cinnabon, it was presented on a plate with cutlery, because the roll was too covered in icing to be eaten by hand.
I still ate the damn thing though. I’ve always been against food waste, and also I’m a fat fuck who eats pretty much anything aside from salad. Just not a fan of raw vegetables, I’d much rather have them cooked in some way. Plus, I had low blood sugar, so I had to eat something sweet, with sugar in it. Should have gone for the cookies instead. It’s much harder to fuck up a cookie.
My one experience with Cinnabon could not have gone worse, haha
A few months ago the series finale of Better Call Saul aired at 9pm on a weekday. As a celebratory promotion (their store plays a large role in the episode’s plot), Cinnabon offered a free cinnamon bite to anyone who installed their app and placed an order that day. That’s literally the smallest, cheapest promo in the history of pastries, but it’s free, so I install that puppy, and that evening I come home from work to place the order, to learn three things:
1) The app charges you a convenience fee for using it, and it was terrible at locating the nearest shop. It repeatedly locked me into one 3x further away before I gave up and just accepted I’d be driving to pickup my order
2) The menu has incredibly limited selection, basically only cinnamon rolls and coffee. But they are a cinnamon roll place, so at least they had the item we wanted. Unfortunately…
3) Every Cinnabon had closed at 6pm, three full hours before the episode they were promoting aired. I guess I can’t fault them for leaving that detail off the advertising, but 6pm feels super early for a dessert place, even ignoring that it was promoting an event that they’re not even open for.
Bonus #4) As a consolation prize, I bought Cinnabon Mini-Wheats on my next grocery run, and they had to be one of the worst cereals I’d ever tasted. Cinammon+frosting seemed like a no-brainer for a good cereal, but they had a metallic-y aftertaste and an artificial smell that overwhelmed the flavor, we ended up throwing the box out unfinished.
So I feel you. Admittedly, I was never in their target audience, but my one experience with them ensured I’m probably never giving Cinnabon another try.