The Blessed Sandwich Toaster

For the longest of times, I was never a fan of the humble sandwich. There was something about it that put me off. More of a local thing than anything else. For example, the local traditional bread is nice but it’s too crumbly and dry to make a good sandwich out of, it was always better for plain jam on toast or dipping strips into sauces. And then there’s the whole issue of living in a hot country. In the summer, bread can go off in days. And if it doesn’t get moldy, it either gets filled with desperate insects… [Continue Reading]

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On Aspartame and Other Artificial Sweeteners

I love aspartame. I love Acesulfame K. I love most artificial sweeteners, actually. But it’s only been in recent years that I realised that a huge number of people don’t, and that the idea that aspartame is toxic or otherwise dangerous has been around for ages. Okay, sure, aspartame is an artificial sweetener and some people just hate anything that is artificial, but is aspartame dangerous? No. Aspartame has been researched a lot. All sweeteners have. Aspartame is approved for consumption by the USA’s Food and Drug Administration and the European Food Safety Authority. It is safe to consume. No… [Continue Reading]

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On Macaroni and Cheese

I love a good old pasta dish, filled with pasta and cheese and some sort of sauce. My favourite pasta dish is my own homemade macaroni cheese, made with whatever pasta I have in my cupboard, a bechamel sauce with an egg yolk in it, mustard and plenty of cheese. The cheese in question varies depending on what day of the week it is and how many sandwiches my cheese-loving sister has eaten, but still, it’s always good. The recipe itself is simple. You boil your pasta for as long as it needs, adding salt and a splash of oil… [Continue Reading]

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Home Made Piss Easy Stuffing

Stuffing is a weird thing. You either stuff it into the carcass of some sort of animal or you eat it on its own. Shop-bought variants generally tend to come as a powdery state and require a ton of water to turn into something vaguely edible. Turns out though, stuffing is piss easy to make. Home Made Stuffing Ingredients About 200g of bread, preferably something crusty and thick. Slightly old, stale bread is fine if that’s all you have. 1 large onion 1-3 sticks of celery 200g cabbage 1 tablespoon of sage 1 tablespoon of cooking oil (vegetable, sunflower, olive)… [Continue Reading]

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On Learning To Cook

As far as I’m concerned, everyone should know how to cook for themselves. You don’t need to be able to perfectly gut a fish and grill it to perfection, but knowing the basics, whether something is cooked through, properly defrosting food, safely preparing dishes, doing your best not to burn whatever it is you’re cooking, these are skills you need to look after yourself. You can’t just live off ready meals until the day you die. Alright, I’m not saying that you should avoid ready food completely. A pack of oven chips isn’t a problem, making your own chips is… [Continue Reading]

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Tips for Cooking Chicken

I just put a large chicken into the oven. In two hours, it should be cooked, but I’ll have to turn it over in an hour. In the mean time, here are some tips on cooking chicken. Whole Chicken Probably the easiest thing to get wrong, to be honest. My nana always said the time to cook a chicken is 20 minutes per pound in a hot oven, plus twenty minutes. But that’s not exactly accurate. It really depends on how big the chicken is, how fresh it is, and how hot the oven is (is it gas, electric, both… [Continue Reading]

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Kinda Not Really Sugar Free Lemon Yogurt Ice Cream

You need an ice cream maker for this one. “Nothing is truly sugar free” ice cream 700g Greek yogurt (10% fat is nicest but 5% fat works too) 1 large lemon 1 lime 1/2 cup sweetener – what you’d normally use to sweeten tea or coffee. Zest the lemon and the lime, then juice them both. Mix the lemon and lime juice in with the yogurt and mix well. Add the sweetener and continue to mix. Throw in the zest, keep on mixing, then pour into your ice cream maker. It is worth tasting the mixture before making it into… [Continue Reading]

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Smeghead’s Meatballs

You know I mentioned that bechamel sauce when I introduced SPUFood? Well there’s some meatballs to go with ’em. Definitely makes over 18 meatballs, but this varies depending on how big you make them. That’s about one meal for Smeghead. A Random Meatball Recipe by Smeghead 750g ground pork mince 1 egg 100g cheese 1 small onion 1 small, red horn pepper Salt, pepper, garlic powder, paprika 1 tablespoon sweet chili sauce 1 tablespoon ketchup 1 teaspoon dark soy sauce (optional) 1 teaspoon siracha sauce (optional) Breadcrumbs Chop the onion and pepper as small as you can, but don’t grate… [Continue Reading]

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Introducing SPUFood

Here’s how to make my bechamel sauce, a creamy, cheesy sauce perfect for macaroni cheese and other pasta dishes. Basic Cheesy Bechamel Sauce 50 grams of butter Flour of your choice Approximately 200ml of full fat or semi-skimmed milk Seasoning – salt, pepper (optional: garlic powder, paprika powder) As much cheese as you want – cheddar is nicest, but as long as it melts, who cares? One egg yolk 1 teaspoon mustard, preferably English Melt the butter in a saucepan. Once it’s melted, take it off the heat and add flour, mixing until it forms a thick paste. Put the… [Continue Reading]

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Medic’s Stupid Flapjack Recipe

You like oats, sugar and honey? Well this is for you. Medic’s Stupid Flapjack Recipe 400g oats 150g butter 150g honey 100g white sugar 50g cocoa or chocolate milk mixture Pinch of salt Extra butter and honey as required Optional: 50g black treacle (molasses), chocolate chips, walnuts, whatever you want, to give it some crunch. I recommend Smarties/M&Ms because they’re particularly crunchy. Preheat the oven to gas mark 4 / 180C / 350F Melt the butter and sugar in a saucepan over a low heat. Once that’s all melted, add the honey and cocoa and stir gently. In a bowl,… [Continue Reading]

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