The Heavy Weapons Guy. Often considered the best pocket for newbie Medics. It’s a very strange relationship. Hand the Heavy-Medic connection to strange fans and they’ll do wonders or, more often, horrific stuff with it.
It’s funny, sometimes, I can’t make a decision on what to write, but most of the time, I find I’m writing stuff because someone’s mentioned it. Or they just want to see me write something from the view of, um, me. Because I’m clearly really that mercenary who goes around healing people, and I’m quite obviously canon. This leads to an odd scenario. People start asking me questions and I feel I have to answer them. Both in a canon and non-canon way. Quite a conundrum. Throughout this article, I’ll be answering some of these questions. Hopefully.
So, let’s get started with the common ones. Actually, I’ll probably only do the common ones. Otherwise we’ll be here all day.
“Medic, is Heavy really overweight?”
Yes and no. He carries and uses a minigun for a living, so Heavy is actually rather fit and healthy. Problem is, he has a slightly enlarged heart (as well as the rest of his body) making him seem fatter than he is. But still, he really should cut down on those sandwiches. And maybe offer me one occasionally.
“What makes Heavy such a good pocket?”
His simplicity. As mentioned in the article about a lack of Heavy articles (which I am trying to fix), Heavy is a very easy class to play, and is normally rather reliable. You know you’re not going to waste your Uber on someone who’s going to sit there and reload, or worse, jump away and leave you in the thick of it. I’m talking to you, Soldier!
“Sawbones, why don’t you pocket my good friend Pyro more often?”
Because they’re unreliable. Plus, one once locked me in a barn and burnt it down.
“What does Heavy do in his spare time?”
Why are you asking me? You make it seem like I’m always standing next to him or something. As far as I’m aware, he collects coins, cleans his gun and plays poker. I’ll admit though, he’s better than he looks.
“Is Heavy smart?”
Yes. He has a degree in Russian literature and has somehow managed to create food that regenerates over time. Actually, now I think about it, that might have been my fault. I’ve said told the other mercs so many times not to put food in my fridge.
“Do you like the way you and Heavy are paired in media? Does Heavy like it?”
In official media? We’re two men working together. Same way Engineer and Pyro work together. And Spy and Scout to a point. In unofficial media? I hate it. So does Heavy. We’re two independent people. Heavy has a family that he looks after. We’re not some strange, needy couple.
“What about Heavy’s family?”
I don’t know anything that you don’t already know. He works to pay and look after them. It’s more honorable than many of our reasons. I mean, Soldier just likes killing people.
“What’s your relationship with Heavy?”
We work together. And we maintain a friendly relationship, as I do with all fellow mercenaries. Nothing more.
“Oh, come on! There’s something there!”
There isn’t. We’re friends. End of. There’s nothing even remotely love-related going on between us. You want a possible relationship between mercenaries? Scout and Spy might be kin. And Pyro might be a woman under that mask.
“I thought you weren’t allowed to talk about Pyro?”
I’m not. Hence the word ‘might’.
“Back to Heavy. What’s in those sandviches? How do they heal people?”
With bologna and ham that was kept in my fridge.
“Is Heavy a good friend? A strange friend? A best friend?”
Of course. All us mercenaries are friends. A best friend? Not quite. A strange friend? I’ve had stranger. Seriously, you have no idea what friends I’ve had.
“Are you in love with Heavy?”
What? No. Get lost.
No, seriously, get lost now. You’ve made me angry. Can’t I just heal high-damage tanks without being accused of being gay? Bloody hell.