Dancing Hazardously around a Das Hazmattenhatten!

Protecting Medics from zombie infections since, um...
Protecting Medics from zombie infections since, um…

Fun fact: Das Hazmattenhatten is a really annoying word to type, even worse than Otolaryngologist’s Mirror. But since it’s a nice hat and it’s got a stupidly long name, not to mention that it’s got some unique properties, I feel it’s worth an article. So here we go!

The Das Hazmattenhatten was added in the July 10th patch in 2013, also known as the Move That Gear Up! update. This was the same update that gave the Quick Fix overheal, made the Vaccinator the best choice for cp_orange and nothing else and changed the Crossbow’s projectile to a giant syringe. It was one of “over 60 gold star items” added in the update.

And it really is a gold star item. It’s a multiple gold star item. It’s a hazmat suit that happily sits over Medic’s head and fits nicely with the rest of his lab coat. It’s reminiscent of the CEDA officers in Left 4 Dead 2 and any other hazmat-related characters you can think of. The Das Hazmattenhatten is also paintable, but only the visor is affected.

Das Hazmattenhatten is available in unusual form too. If you want something themed, why not Cauldron Bubbles or Massed Flies to go along with that diseased style. Normal bubbles make for a slightly cheaper option, but the robo-effects actually look rather nice too. Maybe it’s just the large areas of single colours that make it work.

The most important thing about Das Hazmattenhatten, despite its stupidly long name and all that, is its position as a cosmetic item. It is neither a hat, nor a misc, but something in the middle. I can hear you all sighing and saying ‘so what’ but this is a cool thing. You can wear this hat with other hats. Yes, you can wear a Das Hazmattenhatten with a Vintage Tyrolean, an Otolaryngologist’s Mirror and a bunch of other hats. Not all hats work though, presumably because they’re simply too big and bulky.

So, now I’ve told you all this pointless stuff, what looks nice with Das Hazmattenhatten? Oh, pretty much everything. I often wear my Otolaryngologist’s Mirror and Surgeon’s Stethoscope with a Das Hazmattenhatten, but anything goes, really. Well, no. I can’t wear my Planeswalker Helm, a hat I admittedly really like, with it, but that doesn’t fit anyway. Meanwhile, my brother used to wear his Bubbling Gatsby with the Hazmattenhatten. For double protection, you can wear a Procedure Mask underneath. The Procedure Mask and the Das Feelinbeterbager or the Surgeon’s Side Satchel in particular go really well. Coat items though are the best. The Quadwrangler or Ward are both amazing, but Ward has nasty clipping issues.

Unfortunately, the very best cosmetic to go with this item is restricted. Yes, I’m referring to the Cursed Voodoo Medic Soul. Das Hazmattenhatten and the Cursed Soul go together so well, it’s almost as if you’re one of those CEDA officer zombies!

Other good items to go with Das Hazmattenhatten are: Archimedes, Mechamedes, Emerald Jarate, Medic Mech Bag, Practitioner’s Processing Mask, Vintage Tyrolean (of course), Second Opinion and Gaiter Guards.


Also known as Doctor Retvik Von Schreibtviel, Medic writes 50% of all the articles on the Daily SPUF. A dedicated Medic main in Team Fortress 2 and an avid speedster in Warframe, Medic has the unique skill of writing 500 words about very little in a very short space of time.

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