Speaking Up for the Speedster’s Spandex

I finally managed to have some spare cash to spend on things I like that isn’t my almost-daily Mr Bean indulgence. No, I’m not referring to the British gem of comedy portrayed by the wonderful Sir Rowan Atkinson, I’m referring to the rather popular dessert chain around here that has a branch near the train station. Anyways, I bought a few cosmetics from the new Rainy Day Cosmetic Case. One of the first things I noticed is this: Why in the world is the Speedster’s Spandex so cheap? Even the stupid pocket cosmetic (man I hate those things) costs more than… [Continue Reading]

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Pocket Pauling

The Pocket Pauling is a cosmetic released in the Rainy Day Pack. It is a plush doll that looks like Ms. Pauling holding a clipboard, which sits on Scout’s backpack. The button eyes are rather similar to the ones on the Pocket Pyro except that they’re darker in colour. In the Pocket Pauling’s hands is a clipboard, which has a small piece of paper on it that is (supposedly) held in place by a thumbtack. On the paper is a drawing of Ms. Pauling’s face surrounded by heart shapes and a sentence saying:”Scout is the best of the Teufort nine and… [Continue Reading]

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The Field Medic: Militarization of a German Nurse

Along with the rain came the Field Practice, a beret with a Medic class emblem over which Medic wore a nice pair of silver earphones. I assume it’s for communication with teammates and the home base, but I cannot understand for the life of me why any Medic will want to better hear his teammates yell for him to top up their health and babysit them for the match. There’s a microphone on the headphones, but going by personal experience only 2.57% of the playerbase will listen to what their Medics are saying. The Field Practice is the latest military… [Continue Reading]

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The Making of a Medic

As I mentioned in a previous article, I am very particular with the cosmetics I chose for my Medic wardrobe. As a matter of fact, I can walk through my old screenshots and watch my outfit evolve as the various parts came together and at no point have I removed a piece. So I thought I might dedicate an article to each piece of the most beloved outfit I’ve ever owned in a video game. In college I made my first video game purchase ever; I bought The Orange Box and the Half Life Anthology pack in honor of finally getting a desktop.… [Continue Reading]

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Burly Beast

Some time before Scream Fortress 2016, there was a Reddit thread about how some mercs got shafted really bad when it comes to cosmetic distribution. This was what I said: If you wonder what “this” refers to, it’s this. And guess what got added during Scream Fortress 2016? Exactly that. Now, I’m not saying Valve listens to me, but Valve added a cosmetic that was submitted and last updated a whole year ago when there are other submission made that year. By the way Valve, if you are still listening, I still want my jetpack. As one can see, this tears… [Continue Reading]

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Tin-1000

The Mann vs. Machine Update of 2012 brought us a lot of new content. A whole new gamemode, a new series of reskins, a new comic, a new video, and of course, new hats. And among all the hats, the one that I like the most is the Tin-1000. Aside from the Soldier’s Stogie, Archimedes, Robro 3000, and the Operation Steel Trap Badge, the cosmetics are roboticized hats, one for each class. They’re based off some parts of the mercs’ robot counterparts, or in two cases, robot version of the Officer’s Ushanka and the Fancy Fedora. I can’t find anything to back… [Continue Reading]

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Surgeon’s Sidearms

What always irritates me when I see Medic cosmetics is that they rarely portray Medic’s medical practice properly. Most cosmetics portray Medic as a doctor. A proper medical doctor. With cosmetics like this one, this one, this one, and this one. and the fact that he’s running around with a Medi Gun in a shiny white labcoat, anyone not familiar with the lore and doesn’t pay attention to the voicelines would’ve thought Medic to be a Hippocrates-loving, pacifistic, and compassionate guardian angel. Meanwhile, the real Medic is an absolute psychopath with his skills being a side effect of his morbid curiosity. Did you… [Continue Reading]

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The Crone’s Dome VS the Point and Shoot!

The magic users of TF2 have long been plagued by this dilemma. Which wizard hat is the ultimate in spell-caster fashion, the charmed headwear to bewitch the eyes of others? Well, let’s look at two of them and then declare a winner with as much authority as a kindergarten kid has on international politics. First up, the Crone’s Dome. A community-created hat added during the Spectral Halloween Special, it’s a black witch hat with patches and a large, wide and floppy brim, plus a glowing face in front. If you’re not a fan of black you can paint the hat into… [Continue Reading]

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Trophy Belt

I’ve talked about a lot of cosmetics so far for every class. Hell, I even talked about an all-class cosmetic. Well, almost every class. I’ve not talked about a single Sniper cosmetic yet. Mainly because I hate him. But then, I suppose I can’t avoid talking about Sniper hats forever. If I do I’m going to eventually run out of hats to talk about 10 years later. So I decided to start things off with one of the rare things about the Sniper that I like: The Trophy Belt. The Trophy Belt is one of the first hats in TF2, released during… [Continue Reading]

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Scarecrow

One of my most favourite Spy cosmetics, the Scarecrow, came out during the 2012 Halloween update. It turns the Spy’s head into a voodoo doll head. What I love about this is just how unsettling this looks. The button eyes with some of the stuffing poking out from the back of the buttons, the stitches across the mouth, the seams and patches on the Spy’s head (or rather, his balaclava), it just gives that uncanny valley vibe to the Spy. And it also reminds me of Coraline. Must be the eyes. To be honest, I’m not entirely sure at first… [Continue Reading]

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