On Gold Weapons

Humans love to customize things. We want to leave our mark on the items that mean the most to us, and as a warrior culture we especially love to own weapons that have unique, stylized decals. In the programmed world of video games, where one need not worry about firearm maintenance or practicality, the sky is the limit for how many ways we can customize our guns. So why do so many developers immediately go for golden guns? When available (and they seem to be available in almost every game with weapon skins), a golden reskin will almost always have… [Continue Reading]

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Vampiric Vesture

Scream Fortress 2014 brought to us, as usual, a bunch of Halloween-restricted cosmetics. Scout gets to be a zombie from another universe, Sniper’s a were-kangaroo, and Medic is now an angelic being with healing powers. Overall, I say that 2014’s haul of Halloween-themed cosmetics was plentiful and good. Among all of these cosmetics, there is one I would’ve gladly bought and use it daily if not for the fact that it’s Halloween-restricted. I present to you, the Vampiric Vesture. The Vampiric Vesture is part of the Dr. Acula set for the Medic, with the other cosmetic of the set being… [Continue Reading]

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Lord of the Flies

Once upon a time, long long ago, young aabicus made up his mind that he was ready to buy an unusual hat. I’d recently unboxed an Orbiting Lantern Officer’s Ushanka and sold it for $200 through Paypal, so I felt comfortable dropping some of that on a replacement unusual for a class I actually played. Which hat was a no-brainer; my beloved Prussian Picklehaube was the first hat the game had ever dropped, and it sat proudly on my medic’s head ever since. But what particle effect? There were so many, and I had to weigh the pros and cons… [Continue Reading]

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Mechanical Facsimile

A Spy walked through the spawn door on a rainy night. The mercenaries ran up to him as soon as as they heard the spawn door open. They heard of Spy being chosen for receiving The Upgrade, and they wanted to see how the Spy is now different. The Spy is changed. That night, they heard not his mocking wit and snorting laugh. They smelled not the odour of cigarettes and alcohol that sometimes gave him away even when he’s completely invisible and silent. They saw not the slight swagger in his gait, or the rather unnecessary flourish he has when doing… [Continue Reading]

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Speaking Up for the Speedster’s Spandex

I finally managed to have some spare cash to spend on things I like that isn’t my almost-daily Mr Bean indulgence. No, I’m not referring to the British gem of comedy portrayed by the wonderful Sir Rowan Atkinson, I’m referring to the rather popular dessert chain around here that has a branch near the train station. Anyways, I bought a few cosmetics from the new Rainy Day Cosmetic Case. One of the first things I noticed is this: Why in the world is the Speedster’s Spandex so cheap? Even the stupid pocket cosmetic (man I hate those things) costs more than… [Continue Reading]

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Pocket Pauling

The Pocket Pauling is a cosmetic released in the Rainy Day Pack. It is a plush doll that looks like Ms. Pauling holding a clipboard, which sits on Scout’s backpack. The button eyes are rather similar to the ones on the Pocket Pyro except that they’re darker in colour. In the Pocket Pauling’s hands is a clipboard, which has a small piece of paper on it that is (supposedly) held in place by a thumbtack. On the paper is a drawing of Ms. Pauling’s face surrounded by heart shapes and a sentence saying:”Scout is the best of the Teufort nine and… [Continue Reading]

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The Field Medic: Militarization of a German Nurse

Along with the rain came the Field Practice, a beret with a Medic class emblem over which Medic wore a nice pair of silver earphones. I assume it’s for communication with teammates and the home base, but I cannot understand for the life of me why any Medic will want to better hear his teammates yell for him to top up their health and babysit them for the match. There’s a microphone on the headphones, but going by personal experience only 2.57% of the playerbase will listen to what their Medics are saying. The Field Practice is the latest military… [Continue Reading]

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The Making of a Medic

As I mentioned in a previous article, I am very particular with the cosmetics I chose for my Medic wardrobe. As a matter of fact, I can walk through my old screenshots and watch my outfit evolve as the various parts came together and at no point have I removed a piece. So I thought I might dedicate an article to each piece of the most beloved outfit I’ve ever owned in a video game. In college I made my first video game purchase ever; I bought The Orange Box and the Half Life Anthology pack in honor of finally getting a desktop.… [Continue Reading]

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Burly Beast

Some time before Scream Fortress 2016, there was a Reddit thread about how some mercs got shafted really bad when it comes to cosmetic distribution. This was what I said: If you wonder what “this” refers to, it’s this. And guess what got added during Scream Fortress 2016? Exactly that. Now, I’m not saying Valve listens to me, but Valve added a cosmetic that was submitted and last updated a whole year ago when there are other submission made that year. By the way Valve, if you are still listening, I still want my jetpack. As one can see, this tears… [Continue Reading]

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Tin-1000

The Mann vs. Machine Update of 2012 brought us a lot of new content. A whole new gamemode, a new series of reskins, a new comic, a new video, and of course, new hats. And among all the hats, the one that I like the most is the Tin-1000. Aside from the Soldier’s Stogie, Archimedes, Robro 3000, and the Operation Steel Trap Badge, the cosmetics are roboticized hats, one for each class. They’re based off some parts of the mercs’ robot counterparts, or in two cases, robot version of the Officer’s Ushanka and the Fancy Fedora. I can’t find anything to back… [Continue Reading]

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