Just for a bit of background information, this fic comes from the now deleted SPUF Makes A Story thread. Essentially, said thread had members suggesting concepts for one of our writers, Argeon, to write a story about.
A number of actual SPUFers were also to be included as characters, which included A 1970 Corvette, aabicus, The Medic, Argeon himself, Huff, and stamda. The final concept ended up being about the SPUFers surviving in the zombie apocalypse, becoming SPUF of the Dead, which can currently be found here on the Daily SPUF.
In any case, one of the original concepts suggested was a harem romcom. While it didn’t end up being the final concept, I told XYTWO that I would probably end up writing a SPUF fic using the idea anyways if it didn’t win. This is that fic, just in time for White Day.
And well, if you don’t know what White Day is, read on. Hope you guys like it.
The urgent ringing of a morning alarm clock throughout the room made itself all too clear. The familiar noise steadily repeated, as if saying “It’s time to get up!”
“Mghh.. Come on, just let me sleep for five more minutes…”
“Ugh, I guess I’ll turn it off.”
The young man who was currently curled up in his bed was named Argeon. To put it simply, he was a relatively inconspicuous student in the literature club who had organized a writing contest or two. With any luck, he would likely graduate with reliable grades and become an unremarkable yet contributing member of society.
Such was the usual, everyday paradigm. However..
As the boy attempted to lean up and reach for his alarm clock, he suddenly recognized a heavy feeling directly pushing down on his torso.
“Good morning, Argeon ☆! It seems you’re finally awake.”
This day was far removed from the usual constraints of typical life. It had leaped directly from the normal world into the realm of a romantic comedy.
Argeon directed his gaze upward and was met with the image of a young girl in a school uniform. She had blonde hair arranged in twintails, held a genuine fire axe in her hands, and possessed eyes that radiated with affection to the point that it felt ominous and foreboding.
It was only because that he was used to incidents like these from her that he was able to respond as calmly as he did.
Naturally, most people would have immediately panicked if they awoke to a girl sitting on their chest while holding an obviously dangerous weapon.
“That’s all you say after I went through the trouble of sneaking to your apartment in the middle of the night, picking the lock on your door, and waiting here by your side until the sun rose?! Meanie! I hate you! By the way, I made coffee while you were asleep, so please have some.”
“..Thanks, I will.”
Argeon averted his eyes and nervously chuckled.
It would not be an exaggeration to say that Huff’s behavior was like this at virtually every moment.
Her affection was kind beyond description, but it was rather.. overwhelming. Her expression didn’t whisper “Please love me.” so much as it screamed “Love me. I love you. You love me, right? I love you so much so why won’t you love me?!”
To be honest, it was most certainly a concern of Argeon’s that Huff would carve up his flesh with her fire axe and introduce his corpse to a back alley taxidermist if he responded incorrectly.
However, something was odd. While it wouldn’t be unexpected of her for him to break into his home like this, quite the opposite in fact, Argeon could detect a faint aura of unusual expectation emanating from her at the moment.
“Hmm? What is it? Oh, can it be that you’re finally going to confess your declaration of love? That’s definitely it, right? We can run away and elope right now if you want to! I have already everything prepared!”
While making a mental note of that dangerous statement, Argeon proceeded as the alarm continued ringing incessantly.
“No, it’s not that. Um, is there another reason you came to see me today other than the usual?”
“Huh? Naturally, I’m here to get my White Day gift.”
“Did you forget? It’s the 14th of March today, so it’s White Day. That means today is the day I receive my return gift for the chocolate I gave you on Valentine’s.”
Argeon looked over to the calendar on the wall behind Huff. It was difficult to move while her weight was pressing him down, but he could still at least tilt his head. It was indeed March 14.
Just as a bit of background exposition, White Day was the sister holiday of Valentine’s. On Valentine’s, the girls would give gifts and chocolate to the boy of their choosing. Exactly one month later on White Day, the boys would give return the favor by giving the girls gifts as thanks.
Technically, White Day is only celebrated in certain areas of the world, but a romantic comedy has no time for such minor details.
“Wait, no. That’s not the problem here! I don’t recall receiving chocolate from you at all on Valentine’s.”
While receiving that hammer-like blow to the heart, Huff suddenly recoiled in shock.
“Y-you.. You don’t remember? Even after I melted down an entire department store’s worth of chocolate and coated myself in it for you?! I even made sure to use every type to make sure that I got at least one of your preferences! How can you say tha- Wait, where did Argeon go?”
Looking down, Huff noticed a small note hastily written with a pen.
Oh crap, I’m going to be late if this keeps up. Huff, you can give me the explanation at school. – Argeon
The girl’s expression quickly darkened as she began to raise her axe.
“I see.. So school is more important to you than I am, is that it? That’s it, isn’t?! I won’t stand for this.. This is unforgivable. ..I’ll just have to chop up everyone at school, and then Argeon will surely love me!”
“Wow. I just received a really ominous chill right now.”
“Umm, Argeon, weren’t you in the middle of explaining something?”
“Oh, that’s right!”
The scenery has shifted to a typical school setting. On the second story of one of the school buildings, a pair of students walked side by side through a typical hallway, classrooms lining the nearby wall. On the other side was a line of windows, granting a view of the campus below.
“Right, so I don’t remember receiving chocolate from Huff at all. Corv, is that odd?”
Walking next to Argeon was a student with long, chestnut hair that reached their lower back, blue eyes, and a pleasant, feminine face. They were dressed in a French-style maid outfit, with a simple black and white dress, apron, and headdress.
“Hmm.. Please forgive me if I sound rude, but I just can’t see how you can forget something like that. It was fairly obscene.”
“If you describe it like that, that just makes me curious about what happened. Well, I’m not really surprised that I don’t remember. Things like this happen with you all often enough that it sort of blends together. I’m surprised I can remember last week, much less last month.”
“..Eh? Wait, you mean you don’t remember my gift either?!”
“I got a gift from you as well?!”
Corv suddenly stopped.
“Uuh.. It’s okay, it’s fine if you don’t remember. I give chocolate out of obligation to everyone in the class to begin with, so it’s alright if you forgot about it. I receive way too many White Day gifts in return anyways.”
While Corv continued to stand there explaining, several thoughts arose in Argeon’s mind.
As expected of Corv, a member of the maid club. I’m not surprised that most of the class returned the favor on White Day. Corv is really feminine..
“..But he’s a guy.” Argeon muttered to himself.
While he may have looked and sounded identical to a girl of similar age, Corv was actually a male student. It was a trait that caused slight dissonance in many of the students who knew him.
“Did you say something?”
“Ah.. no. Nothing at all.”
“I see. Well, even if I get too many gifts as thanks, it’s probably still a good idea for you to get gifts for the others. I’d still appreciate it, though.”
“Did you forget those as well? Everyone gave you chocolate on Valentine’s, Argeon. Oh, that reminds me, I just realized I was supposed to clean up the maid club room right now. I’ll see you later!”
“Everyone?! Wait, wait. Don’t just give me a vague explanation like that and run off! That doesn’t help me at all!”
“Ugh.. What am I going to do about White Day?”
Argeon complained to himself while opening the door to the literature club room. Stepping inside, he was almost prepared to shut himself up in a book for the rest of the day.
“I heard from Corv that you don’t remember what happened on Valentine’s Day.”
“Yes, I am in this club as well. Nice to meet you.”
Sitting by the table was a lone girl in the standard female uniform reading a book. She had short, silver hair, and a near-expressionless face with little outward emotion. On the table in front of her was a prop shotgun taken from the drama club.
“Well, you are a member, after all. It’s not that I’m surprised to see you here, it’s just..”
“I see, you wanted to be alone. Well, that’s to be expected. Boys do get those urges every so often, after all, especially on a day like this.”
“That’s not it at all!”
“It’s okay, Argeon. If you want, you can talk about it.”
“It’s not very comforting if you say that in a deadpan voice like that..”
“This is my natural tone. If it makes you feel better, I can talk differently.”
Stamda suddenly raised the book to her chin, such that her mouth wasn’t visible from Argeon’s perspective. As if in an almost mocking vein, she spoke in a seemingly deliberately poor sounding imitation of a young schoolgirl.
“It’s okay, Argeon. If you want, you can talk about it.”
It was ridiculous to the point of being unclear as to whether she was being serious or trying to joke.
“..That doesn’t make me feel better at all. Wait, why am I so caught up on this? That’s not the reason I’m here!”
“Are you here to get your porn magazines hidden behind the 16th century poems, then?”
“No, anyways, I need to figure out what I’m going to do about White Day.”
Leaning on the nearby bookshelf, Argeon tried to gather his thoughts. Corv had said everyone had given him chocolates on Valentine’s, but he had no way of knowing how many people that encompassed.
While he had his suspicions, he probably couldn’t just go and ask around if he was to avoid reactions like “You forgot about White Day?” or “What happened to my return gift for Valentine’s?” That was a landmine that was best to sidestep around.
However, it was obvious that he still had to give return gifts to the girls he’d received chocolate from. Without a way of knowing who had been a part of that group, Argeon had no idea how to proceed.
If there was a way to time travel back to February 14, he would have undoubtedly taken it at this point.
However, that kind of foreshadowing was much too obvious for this kind of story, so Argeon doubted such a simple solution would arise. It was likely that he was on his own in this situation.
Granted, he had no real recollection of Valentine’s Day, but if both Corv and Huff had said he had received chocolate, it was probably the truth.
“Are you thinking about the chocolate that you forgot I gave you on Valentine’s?” Stamda suddenly asked.
“Is that a rhetorical qu- Wait, you gave me chocolate as well?”
“You must not have thought it was important if you don’t remember. Sniff, sniff.”
“Please stop that obviously fake crying. And you guys constantly exude this romcom atmosphere, so I’m sorry that I don’t remember!”
Immediately ending the act, Stamda closed her book and turned to face Argeon.
“Can I assume you don’t have a return gift either? How cruel of you to toy with a maiden’s heart.”
“Like I said, I don’t remember any of this. I haven’t bought any gifts for White Day since I didn’t recall receiving any chocolate. Also, a statement like that isn’t effective when you don’t change your tone at all from how you normally speak.”
“Argh.. How am I going to fix this? And stop pretending to load that prop shotgun with shells while feigning anger at having your gift forgotten, even as a joke. Wait, stop! That’s a prop, right?!”
“Dammit, I’ve still barely learned anything about what happened on Valentine’s. Wait, the school newspaper basically records everything that happens around here. I’ll go ask them!”
And that was the thought process that had led Argeon to the school newspaper room. He was currently standing outside the door.
All there was to do was open it and ask if the members knew anything.
After all, Argeon was acquainted with the president and vice president, so it was likely not a huge issue if he asked. Thus, he opened the door and stepped inside.
“Hey, are Aabicus or Medic her- ?!”
“Hmm? Oh, it’s you, Argeon.”
Standing in the center of the room was a young woman. Holding a ribbon in her hands, she was currently in the process of tying it into long, red hair arranged in ringlet curls. This would have been an ordinary scene were it not for a single aspect.
The girl standing there was only dressed in her bra and underwear.
“I-Is this a b-bad time, Aabicus?”
“What are you talking about? You mean this?”
Aabicus made a gesture with her arms that noted her current state of undress. The utter casualness of it made it seem like she perceive any problems in the current situation.
“What else could it be? Actually, why are you so calm about this?”
“Well.. Aabicus does work outside of school as a model, so..”
Argeon’s gaze shifted to a corner of the room where a third voice had interjected in the conversation. He hadn’t seen anything when initially entering the room, but upon taking a closer look, he noticed that there was a young girl sitting by the table.
She had glasses, pink hair that was tied back into a ponytail, and was dressed in a non-distinctive school uniform for female students. Her expression and appearance made her seem shy and soft-spoken, and she also worked as an assistant in the nurse’s office.
“Oh, you’re here as well, Medic?”
At that moment, Argeon almost thought he could see a gray aura emanating from Medic. His comment about failing to notice her seemed to have immediately caused her mood to drop. It seemed that she was sensitive about her apparent lack of presence.
These two members of the school newspaper, Aabicus and Medic, were the president and vice president respectively.
“Uh.. never mind. Forget I said anything when I came into this room.”
Quickly trying to defuse the awkward atmosphere, Argeon attempted to drop the subject. Though, to be honest, he had no idea if his speech skill was high enough for that to work successfully.
In the meantime, Aabicus had gathered the pieces of her uniform and gotten dressed. The school newspaper was the only club in the school whose room possessed its own bathroom and shower, so the scene when entering the room shouldn’t have been that surprising.
In addition, Medic was correct when saying that Aabicus had modeling work outside of school, so it was probably something she was used to.
“..Anyways! I was wondering if the school newspaper had records of what happened on Valentine’s Day. If you do, would it be too much to ask if I could see them? I don’t really remember what happened on Valentine’s, to be honest.”
“Huh? Then you don’t remember the gift you got?”
“..So, you haven’t bought return gifts for White Day, then?”
Argeon’s thoughts stopped. The air in the room completely froze.
“..Don’t tell me you two.. also gave me chocolate?”
Aabicus raised her hand up to her chin, appearing as if she was deep in thought. Meanwhile, Medic averted her gaze entirely, looking at the wall while twiddling her thumbs.
“This is certainly troublesome. Well, we do basically have footage of your entire Valentine’s, so I suppose we can show it to you.”
Argeon held his head in his hands and grimaced.
“I don’t get it, I don’t get it at all. That Valentine’s Day was way too ridiculous! I no longer believe the suggestion that I forgot this day at all anymore. Are you sure this isn’t some fictional story made by the cinematography club?!”
Truthfully, on that fateful day, Argeon had been attacked by the mob, defused a hydrogen bomb, forced to play a tabletop RPG session with a certain killer GM, saved a princess of a foreign nation, and much more.
Sitting around a projector screen were six folding chairs, all filled with students. In total, the people in the room were made up of Argeon, Huff, Corv, Stamda, Aabicus, and Medic. Stamda spoke up.
“I thought the alligator at the end made for a nice touch.”
“That’s the part I understand the least!”
“Well, whether you believe it or not, that footage is the truth. It would be difficult for us if you didn’t believe it, actually.” Aabicus responded.
“I can’t say I liked it. I definitely, absolutely refuse to share Argeon!” shouted Huff.
“I think Argeon’s Valentine’s was more successful than a lot of students. Maybe you forgot about it because you didn’t want to remember it?” thought Corv.
“..It’s kind of embarrassing to watch everything that happened on that day.” said Medic.
Even so, Argeon still held his head in his hands.
“Ugh.. so it’s as I originally suspected, the people who gave me chocolate were you five. But even though I now understand what happened, I still don’t know what I’m supposed to do for White Day gifts.”
It was at that point that Aabicus replied to his complaints.
“Why don’t you just give yourself as a gift? It doesn’t have to be a present you bought or anything, just so long as it sufficiently returns the other person’s feelings, right? And I don’t mean that in an immoral sense, I mean your actual, physical presence.”
“That might work, but I received chocolate from six people on Valentine’s. How do you expect me to solve that?”
The others in the room all turned to look at him and responded simultaneously. They all gave off the impression as if having to say something that was incredibly straightforward and shouldn’t require explaining.
“Isn’t that obvious?”
They all spoke at once.
“Choose one of us.”
And so Argeon’s hellish White Day continued.
Editor’s note: Medic does not have pink hair. Nor does Medic indulge in either Valentines Day or White Day.