So, I’m finally doing it. I’m playing through Skyrim as the Medic. Literally. Thanks to a bunch of mods that put a bunch of TF2 weapons into Skyrim, all held incredibly awkwardly, as well as an actually rather terrifying piece of armor that makes me look like various mercenaries, I can finally start a new game and not get bored.
Of course, being the Medic, I’ve set up a few rules for myself:
I have to wear my Medic armor for the entirety of the game. Because this armor doesn’t scale though (it’s basically iron armor for ever), I will be using Convert Dragon Souls to Perks to buff my health and armor as skills (although in hindsight I never actually needed to do this!).
Medic weapons only. That means the Syringe Gun, Bonesaw, Ubersaw, Crossbow, Medi Gun, as they’re the items available to me. Ammo for syringe guns (my main skill) are limited, so I’ll use whatever ammo I have. I have the Huntsman and an iron sword in case of emergencies.
I’m using a mod that hugely decreases the cooldowns on shouts. Because shouting is fun.
No no-clipping or sequence breaking or console-using unless I need to. I had to give myself some money early on, so I could actually buy my Medic armor. Otherwise no other cheats allowed.
With the rules out of the way, let’s get started!
Part 1 – Helgen to High Hrothgar
Helgen’s a dump. I’m basically racing through this place, trying to get to the TF2 weapon merchant in Riverwood, so I can get started. My race is Imperial, funnily enough the first time I’ve played as a non-Argonian/Khajiit/Orc race. I hastily make my character look vaguely Medic-y then head to the keep. I was going to go with the Stormcloak guy, (chosen randomly by siblings) but he’s, uh, not there. Imperial guy it is. I race through the tutorial and rush off, leaving the Imperial bloke to walk to Solitude on his own. My first ever playthrough, I actually followed him for ages.
So I arrive in Riverwood. There’s someone going on about a dragon. Well I SAW it. But everyone’s kinda meh about it. I don’t stay long though, I’m being told to go to Whiterun.
Been a while since I’ve been here in Whiterun. Always liked it here, but the home, Breezehome, is a bit crappy. This guy comes along and demands that I choose between these two clans. Medic has no fucking idea. Also, please excuse the clipping of my Syringe Gun in my back.
It’s this annoying guy. I always get tempted to kill him, but I know that the next dragon attack will leave him on fire and dead. I grab a blessing from the Shrine of Talos and head off. Honestly, if it wasn’t for the Stormcloaks making such a ruckus, the Aldermeri scumbags wouldn’t have been attracted to Skyrim and everyone could secretly worship Talos in peace. Anyway, off to Dragonsreach.
Yes, my Syringe Gun covers most of my screen. This girl bumps into me. Then she insults me by insulting Badlands. Bitch.
I go and talk to Jarl Whatshisname. Seems like a chill dude. The dark elf body guard is right, there’s a dragon lurking around. I should go and help, but no, I have to help the court magici- er, wizard first. I look so derpy and T-pose-y.
Fire doesn’t hurt. I must be Pyro. I know I look horrible and blank, but oh well. I decide to leave this dumb palace and head to Bleakfalls burrow. Why? I need to get a lame tablet and continue this plot. Off I go. It’s not far, so I decide to walk. I find it, kill a bunch of bandits outside and go in.
Cool action shot time. Did I tell you that the Syringe Gun is automatic? Well, it is. Haven’t unlocked the Crossbow yet, but this will do.
For some reason, I’m no longer killing bandits. I’m killing giant rats called Skeevers and zombie Nords called Draugr. This place is fucking huge. And slightly dull.
Oh cool. The door that opens with the dragon claw that I stole off that bastard who bitched about me not cutting him down while he was trapped in a spider’s web, then ran off and got himself killed by Draugr. Twat. Oh well, this opens up and there’s a bit more walking to do, until I learn Fus off a word wall, kill a slightly tougher Draugr who is carrying this Dragon Stone I’m here to fetch and get some minor loot.
I head back to Dragonsreach and there’s this bitch standing around. If she had all this info, why didn’t SHE go down there? I’m told to bugger off though, because there’s a dragon attacking nearby and the Jarl wants me to help. I grab my Syringe Gun and follow a bunch of Whiterun guards to a now burning tower outside Whiterun. There’s no one there. Then a dragon comes out of nowhere (well, the sky) and starts attacking us. Turns out, I ran out of Syringe Gun ammo and my weapon has switched to Flare Gun ammo, which works fine and causes small explosions. Mirmurmir or whatever his name is kicks the bucket and things go sparkly.
Yum, dragon souls are tasty. I walk back to Whiterun,not believing that I’m Dragonborn, and someone starts shouting shit from the mountains. Seriously, people are trying to work and sleep! Everyone’s saying that I should head up to High Hrothgar. How? Apparently I should head to Ivarstead first. I have to walk around the mountain then walk up it.
I’m walking to Ivarstead. One of the moons is rising. Can’t remember which one it is, but I’m a doctor, not an astronomer, dammit!
Turns out BLU is now hiring assassins to kill me. I kill them good.
I found a horse! Okay, I stole it, but it was just sitting there on its own, next to a tree. Makes the trip to Ivarstead so much easier. Unfortunately though, I get to the village and as I get off to ask everyone where the fuck this monastery is, the horse runs off, probably back to its tree. I don’t blame it. The look on my face must have scared it. While in town, I agree to take some supplies up there. Why not, hopefully I’ll get paid. I make my way up.
Wow, this view. There’s a dragon flying around down there, around what I assume is Bleakfalls Burrow, but he may be a bit hard to see. Shame I don’t have Clear Skies (Lok Vah Koor, I think) yet. Anyway, I’m almost there.
Since I’m heading this way, I decide to test something out. Normally, the path to Paarthurnax is blocked off by walls of wind that need Clear Skies to remove. But I always wondered if Paarthurnax was always there, waiting at the top. So I take a break and climb up the mountain using magical Medic powers (and Burning Skies).
Nope, ol’Paarthy isn’t there. The word-wall is blank and everything’s all boring. I race up the mountain and grab the Notched Pickaxe (which I think is more of a reference to early climbers of Mount Everest than anything else) and head back down to High Hrothgar. I dump the stuff in the chest outside and barge in.
Ah, here’s the welcome party. My training is about to start.
Read part 2!