I’m still here in Skyrim, with an Elder Scroll and the blood of a dragon. It only took me an hour or so of walking to get this damn scroll (see last time round) so let’s get on with this.
From where I appear out in the wilderness, I find this place. Never known what it’s used for. I take a blessing of Talos and leave for the Throat of the World. I think.
On my way there, I stumble across this jester, Cicero. Shrill voice aside, he needs help and the person in the mill nearby seems unwilling to help. I feel sorry for him and persuade the mill owner to help him. Because my only other option is to set a guard on him. That’s cruel. Okay, I’m a homicidal deranged doctor, but I’m not going to get this guy who’s lost his mother arrested.
I wander off, feeling like I’ve done a good deed but also started something incredibly sinister and get back on track. Paarthurnax is waiting for me at the Throat of the World, telling me how everything’s at stake and how awesome and powerful I am. He points (well, hints, he’s a dragon, he’s not really designed for pointing) at a spot on the ground and tells me to read the scroll. I cross my fingers and hope I don’t go blind…
Wow, psychedelic! So this is what going blind feels like? Hm. I’ll note this down, if I ever manage to find my way home.
Oh wait I can see things again. Three people from the past, who all curiously can speak English the same way I can. Even Alduin occasionally speaks English so I know what he’s talking about. I learn a new dragon shout, which, according to this vision, makes dragons screech in pain and land on the ground. Now THAT’S a useful shout. All I can do is watch as Alduin tears the woman in half then sets everyone on fire. Surely she should know that attacking a dragon in the mouth is a silly idea? The mage finally uses the scroll I just read to banish him and I snap back to reality.
Alduin suddenly appears. If that’s not good timing, I don’t know what is. He appears, says some stuff at me and gets all angry. Paarthurnax tells me to shout at him using the Thu’um I just learned. I do as I’m told and, as expected, Alduin screeches in pain and lands on the ground. Yay, repeatable results! When he’s on the ground, I fire a load of syringes at him then whack him in the face with my Ubersaw.
Like this, all tired and exhausted, I almost feel sorry for him. I know he could just tear my face off any second now, but he looks so sad. It’s not Alduin’s fault that he wants to kill everyone and swallow their souls. He says some stuff at Paarthurnax then gets up and flies away. I continue shouting at him, but nothing seems to stop him, he just ups and disappears into the distance, shouting that he can’t be killed here.
Paarthurnax though seems pleased. Yes, we didn’t kill him, but we did vaguely annoy Alduin, enough for him to want to run away like a coward. He knows where Alduin has gone but doesn’t know how to get there. Apparently Alduin’s buddies do though, so I just need to capture one and ask it where Alduin is. Good thing that Whiterun, the city nearby, basically has a palace designed to hold a dragon captive.
So I head down Whiterun to speak to the Jarl. Weird how this castle that was built to hold a dragon captive is mostly made of, um, wood. I’m no engineer, but that sounds like a terrible idea. The sort of idea Soldier would have. But these guys haven’t been drinking lead-poisoned water, so what’s their excuse?
Oh yeah, forgot about these guys! You can tell who the author of the mod likes best. *cough*me and Sniper*cough*. They still don’t do anything though.
So yeah, I speak to the Jarl. He’s fine about me capturing a dragon. He’s more worried about the Empire and the Stormcloaks invading while we capture said dragon, since he’s so on-the-fence about everything. Fair enough. He suggests I speak to the Greybeards and arrange a meeting. But I was JUST THERE. I can’t wait for telephones to be invented in this damn place. That does it, I’m Fast-Traveling. I am not walking up that mountain again.
So I get back to High Hrothgar and at first Arngeir is all like “lolnope”. I get very angry at him. The world is about to be destroyed by your leader’s pissed off brother and you’re seriously not willing to help? Thankfully he changes his mind again and tells me to grab the two leaders and bring them here.
So that’s what I do. This time, I haven’t actually joined either side of the Civil War yet. I go to Windhelm first. Ulfric has a speech test, and somehow I pass it (I normally fail speech tests). I don’t have to join his side or anything. Which is unusual. Every prior playthrough of mine, I’d already joined a side, so this time was different. Still doesn’t mean I know what I’m doing though. On a side note, they all want to attack Whiterun. No wonder the poor Jarl wants peace.
While I’m in Solitude, I come across this guy. He’s a bastard. His quest is not worth the hassle at all. Shame you can’t just turn him in.
So, the meeting is going to happen. Something went right for once! And then Delphine and Esbern charge in. I don’t mind them being here, but Delphine makes such a damn fuss that I want to Unrelenting Force her off a cliff.
Everyone’s finally here. Hey, I don’t remember inviting that Thalmor lady. Why is she here? This is between Tullius and Ulfric. I rudely sit down and wait for everyone else to sit their asses down too. They’re all arguing.
Ulfric wants the Thalmor bitch gone. I agree. Good riddance. You have no idea how many Thalmor have tried to kill me since the party from earlier on. If we’d had this meeting just after the party, I’d say fine, she can stay. But I’m sick of her trying to assassinate me. It’s damn obvious it’s her too.
Yes, you war-loving bastards, you’re here because I’m the Dragonborn and I asked you to be here. Will you please shut up so we can make some damn negotiations or something? Bloody hell. It’s like trying to talk to Soldier. But somehow worse. I didn’t even think that was possible.
THANK YOU ESBERN. ONE OF THE THREE PEOPLE WHO MAKE SENSE INCLUDING MYSELF. Seriously I should just get Paarthurnax to beat some sense into the lot of you. Nothing screams “a dragon is trying to destroy the world!” more than those very words being said by a dragon. You’ve seen these dragons flying around. You SAW what happened to Helgen. You want that to happen everywhere?
We finally reach an agreement. Markarth now belongs to the Stormcloaks while Winterhold and the Pale belong to the Empire. I try to be as fair as possible, but I dunno, people should pay for needless slaughter. Esbern, the only useful person here, teaches me a new dragon shout, essentially the name of the poor victim about to be trapped in Dragonsreach, and everyone gets up and leaves.
Delphine doesn’t though. She gets up and looks at me. Apparently Paarthurnax is just as bad as Alduin. Or was. In the past. Funny how no one remembers these atrocities but her. I’ve actually looked this up, I can’t find anything about any of the crimes he committed in Elder Scrolls lore. Apparently Paarthurnax changed sides and helped mortal beings defeat Alduin. Delphine wants me to kill him.
Yes, very smart, Delphine. Kill the being who’s taught me some cool stuff and helped me fight Alduin earlier. Smart. I think I’m going to stop talking to you now and start preparing my trap…
Off I go to Whiterun.
Also, obligatory Fus Ro Dah. Thankfully I already
don’t remember this created a save before doing this.
Read part 7!